For getting married in the same month as my best friend?

[MumLife90]

My best friend and I have been besties since we were 5! Recently, she’s been acting strange with me and after asking what’s wrong, it’s come to light that she’s upset we’re getting married in the same month, 3 weeks apart.

She is having the big white wedding, me eloping with immediate family only and her, as to me, she is family (we also invited her husband to be and two sons, one of whom is my god son).

She explained that she’s upset we’ve planned it in the same month and said if it had to have been that month (which it did because of school holidays, other family commitments and financial benefits) then I should have asked her.

I didn’t ask her, because i genuinely didn’t see it as an issue. The reason being that they were two totally different weddings and with the exception of our wedding guests, no one else was going to know we were married until after the wedding so it wouldn’t detract from her day in anyway. Maybe I was selfish in this regard but had it been the other way, I really wouldn’t have had an issue.

Anyway, we then ended up telling people as she suggested doing so as people may be upset not that they weren’t invited, but because they weren’t told. It seems that it’s been after telling a specific group that she’s had these feelings again (but this is the first I’m hearing of it) and I can’t help but think they’ve stirred the pot and heightens emotions that were may be already there.

that’s by the by but I wanted to give as much detail as possible as I really want to understand if I have done something wrong. I hate that she feels like this and I would never intentionally try to hurt her or detract from her day in anyway.

i can’t help but wish we’d not told a single soul (including my best friend) and dealt with the negativity after the wedding instead of having the lead up tainted.

You are approaching this issue very sensitively op, and it will be okay. I think you should tell her your original plan and revert to that as you said, no pressure whatsoever on her then.

It wouldn’t surprise me that once she knows how open you are to her not attending that it immediately lightens her load, and conversely she might feel she can come after all. She has a lot on her plate, this is not about you but about her and the mounting pressure she is under with such a big wedding.

Anyone who might be slightly self absorbed isn't a narcissist. Stop misusing words, it's embarrassing and insulting to people who have to deal with actual narcissistic behaviour. HTH! This bride hardly fits that description, seriously get a grip!

My two closest friends got married 2 weeks apart. It was a nightmare! Initially they were excited but in the end it nearly ruined their friendship and I was caught in the middle. Dress shopping, decorations etc. It was always about both of them and I think a lot of brides want it just to be about them just for one day and I guess when you’re both planning a wedding it never will be just about you if your best friend is also doing it at the same time!
Oh and the hen do caused so many issues! As one friend thought the others hen do was better (it was tbf but not the others fault as they didn’t plan it!) so it caused a lot of resentment.
With you going away I’m not sure if you’re having all of that. But I can understand the way she’s feeling. Like she’s being upstaged. Rightly or wrongly, people react differently. I overthink thinks so I would never personally get married in the same month as my best friend.
Her idea of telling people is bizarre though and I would have thought that would put even more spotlight on you. Which I would guess is what she’s annoyed about. If it actually was an elopement it would probably have been fine but no you’re basically just planning a small wedding

Weddings bring out the worst in people. My brother in law now no longer speaks to us in large part because we got married the day before his birthday (not a significant birthday). I’ve tried apologising (it was a surprise wedding) and have now given up entirely. You just have to do what is best for you as a couple. Apologise if you see fit. Explain you didn’t think it was an issue for all the reasons you didn’t think it would be an issue. Then see what happens.

Not necessarily about being upstaged, but more having to essentially have something else to think about right after her wedding.

If she's having a big one, she'll be stressed and running on near empty, this is when she needs her friends to be supportive and available.

You planning a wedding makes you less available or makes her not feel like she can lean on you much.

She now had to also consider you when planning her honeymoon when she might have been looking foward to switching off after hers.

Apologise and say you hadn't thought it through.

Easy for people to come on here and slag her off, but it sounds like a special friendship to you.

She may well laughter about it/herself one day, but for the sake of the relationship, smooth it over.

Not necessarily about being upstaged, but more having to essentially have something else to think about right after her wedding.

It is three whole weeks after her wedding, not the next day.

Just how hard can it be? She could just decline.

You make having a wedding like having a serious illness. Seriously? Why do people shell out tens of thousands of pounds to feel ‘stressed, running on empty and needing to switch off immediately afterwards and need friends supportive and available’ Christ-it’s not cancer treatment. If it’s that bad, why don’t people just have a nice but smaller do?

Elopement does not mean running away in secret anymore..it means a small intimate wedding! I did elope the first time (yup, pregnant at 18) ex H parents wanted to stop it. We ", eloped" to the town where he had to reside for so many months (can't remember how many) and you could obtain a special license from the court.

Personally, I think she is being really unreasonable. My friend and I got married two weeks apart. Lots of the same college friends and no one battered an eyelid. My friend even helped me find the shop I got my wedding dress from.

Clearly hard enough for the friend to be annoyed. People are different.

You're the one being dramatic and comparing it to cancer.

People have weddings they choose to have, if they want to shell out thousands, that's their choice.

You started the being dramatic talking about it causing people to run on empty and need all their friends to support them through it.

If it's that difficult you really are doing it wrong. Nothing to do with the size or cost of the wedding or what people choose to spend their money on but if you are making choices that are causing you such trauma that's just daft.

Cancer, really!!

Bridezillas have been a thing for a while now, not sure how that's hard to understand.

Right or wrong, the friend is annoyed and OP wants to salvage the friendship.

If my post doesn't work for you, scroll by.

That's the point of the other person mentioning cancer. With having cancer being something that is actually draining and stressful and requires sympathy and support from friends and recovery.

Describing wedding planning as any of those things is ridiculous and is stress 100% of the bridezilla's choosing. Just because bridezillas have been a thing for years doesn’t mean they should be indulged

Doesn't equate it to cancer though.

Exactly!

Planning a wedding does not equate to cancer because none of the stresses associated with something actually life-changing and terrible like cancer are applicable. The concept of needing support and recovery time from wedding planning is ridiculous. The words you used about how difficult wedding planning is would be applicable to something like cancer and shouldn't be to wedding planning.

They are applicable to wedding planning for some people.

Different people find different situations trying in different measures, still doesn't warrant equating it to cancer.

Some people get carried away with wedding planning, fact.

Some turn into bridezillas, fact.

The concept may be ridiculous to you, but not to everyone.

Again, it's up to OP to indulge it or not.

I wasn’t equating it to fucking cancer! Completely the opposite-I said wedding planning shouldn’t be causing the stress of a serious illness needing recovery time, running on empty and availability and support of friends. If it is, you’re doing it wrong.

Doing it wrong or not, some people do, which the friend might be doing.

Not hard to understand that people do things differently.

yup Some are batshit and then there are the rest of us.

Didn't take long to resort to insults just because not everyone is like you 😅.

I hadn't heard of the change in usage of the word 'elopement', is it common knowledge?

I don’t get the big fuss about weddings. They are just an event after all.

Youve got your reasons for choosing that month (school holidays ect), so your friend should understand that it wasn’t a plan to deliberately spite her. Arrange a coffee and clear the air.

Sometimes, even with good, old friends, you don’t really know them until you cross them .

Elopement does not mean running away in secret anymore..it means a small intimate wedding!

It really doesn't.

Small wedding is just that - a wedding without many people there.
Elopement = B&G 'running away' to get married in secret.

oh that's not fair, we are on page 13!