Entitled dickhead in beauty spot

[grizzlyoldbear]

I was sat on a bench at a beauty spot in a nature reserve I’d never been to before, really peaceful, very quiet, no one else around. A man turned up with his dog and just stood there, it was very unnerving and I think he was waiting for me to move. “Lovely view, isn’t it?” he said in a pointed, hovering way.
As soon as I scrambled away from the bench (couldn't get out of there fast enough), he sat straight down. It was obvious he’d been waiting for me to f* off so he could have the bench to himself.
I found it really intimidating and creepy, especially as it was so secluded. It completely ruined the moment , I just wanted a quiet sit in nature, not to be silently pressured off the only bench.
Am I overreacting or would others have felt the same?

How do you suppose new words end up in the dictionary that were not there before? As previously stated new phrases come into use all the time, just because they haven't yet made it into a dictionary it doesn't mean that word or phrase does not exist nor does it change the meaning of said phrase or word.

Type it in on Google you will be met with a plethora of websites that define what it is.

Then you will see how my use of it was appropriate to describe my experience rather than jumping on the bandwagon suggesting I was comparing it to physical rape.

This conversation is getting out of control. Great hijack job.

Ffs op grow-up.
Anyone see the thread about a month ago about a man in the cinema alone watching a film alone.
The thread was calling him alsorts of things.
One thing ive learned being on MN is that woman are sometimes worse than the men.

No they can not that would make him a sex pest.
Man must not talk man must not be seen alone man is always wrong.
Man is only good for money and to be blamed for everything because women are always right on mumsnet.
Tbvh some netter are shameful.

😂Brilliant!

Some of these responses are ridiculously hyperbolic, but it's a pattern on this site that women's concerns are ridiculed in this way. If you fail to listen to your instincts and suffer for that, the overarching MN response is that you should have listened to them. If you do, you'll be told you're being OTT and a 'man-hater'.

Women are the sex demographic most at risk from the other sex demographic. The statistics on this point are overwhelming and unassailable. Therefore, if you're in a secluded area and a man's behaviour makes you uncomfortable, the common-sense response is to remove yourself from that situation. Any man worth his salt would recognise that for precisely what it is: merely self-preservation, not an outright accusation that he, personally, is a sex offending monster.

It doesn't need to be any more complex or 'dramatic' than that, before someone trots out that tediously predictable word.

As for men no longer approaching women in public: fine by me. Women's time and attention does not belong to men by right, and nothing relating to going about my own business on a daily basis suggests I hanker after male company. It does, however, make some people very, very angry when women say 'no'.

Fantastic, questioning a woman is now misogynistic.
you really do want impunity to be as unpleasant as you like with no comeback don’t you?

I love how you are happy to complain about misogyny, but equally happy to be as misandrist as you want.

you don’t want equality, you want impunity.

good luck.

Shame?
who is shaming anyone?

you are making stuff up which didn’t happen, so I assume you have no issues with what did happen.

i notice you didn’t bother to condemn the acts of sexual violence perpetrated by women, just attacked the victim of sexual assault.

Yes, mostly hyperbolic responses by people crashing into the thread without reading it properly. Much like having a conversation where a few people are listening but most aren't and they're very keen to tell you what you should think regardless.

You were there - the commentators were not. If your instincts and judgement told you that there was something not right, then I’m sure that you were correct.

Every single time that I’ve ignored my instincts I’ve regretted it. I’ve read ‘the Gift of Fear’ recently and realise why.

At best the man lacked any emotional intelligence, empathy or insight. However obtuse, he should have eventually realised from your reactions that he was making you uncomfortable. He either didn’t - so he’s deficient - or did and didn’t care. Either way best avoided when you’re on your own in a remote location.

@Dearieme400 you're a bit off piste with your comments. We're not really here to discuss your personal experience, although I'm genuinely sorry you're going through it. It might be more helpful to start your own thread on the subject, I'd be interested to read it. You're projecting very strongly in your comments and they sound very emotionally charged which suggests you are actively living it/dealing with it, and perhaps some therapy would be good.

The language is pointing to the feeling which is the important bit surely?

I think this is one of the really shit situations where women can't really win and male privilege comes into play - nothing in your post OP makes me think this guy is an entitled dickhead.

He's come to a look out point which is lovely - thus why you'd also stopped to sit and enjoy it. I don't think that's the type of scenario where noone else is allowed to stop and take in the view simply because you were therfirst. If I was following a route especially a hilly one I wouldn't leave and then double back to check if you'd left later the way another person suggested, I'd take it in for a few moments and then move on which this guy may have done but OP left quite quickly by the sounds of it so there was no need for him to. He may have also needed a break from walking physically and this was the point where he needed to do it. Speaking to you quite politely could be seen as friendly - perhaps he hasn't much social contact and wanted to have a bit of interaction with another person. Who knows.

The issue really is that you were a woman alone in a rural spot and you felt uncomfortable because in that moment you had no way of knowing if this guy was genuine or not. That in itself isn't unreasonable that you felt that way - but it also doesn't automatically make this guy an entitled dickhead when actually he's maybe just been going about his day.

There's just no winners in this and it sucks. I probably would have left too rather than take the chance as to whether he was a creep or not. In an ideal world all men would be aware of the impact their presence can have but the reality is that they aren't all going to have that education or awareness.

Perhaps, but words were particularly insensitive, the poster argued with everyone else who dared to say so, this was on your thread about a man being / standing in a public place and perhaps wanting to sit down (just like you) and and the whole example screams of what toddlers do in the back seat of the car - 'But tell him - he's looooooking at me!'

He doesnt sound entitled. Walking his dog, he stood to admire the view, made a small talk comment and you left so he sat down. Didn't sit down and slide up next to you.

He didnt demand the bench or obscure your view, he just equally appreciated it.

I also assume it wasnt a bench for one so he could have just sat at the other end quietly and you both could have enjoyed the view

Laura95167 - completely agree.

You did by suggesting what @thegander had said was 'rot'

'i notice you didn’t bother to condemn the acts of sexual violence perpetrated by women, just attacked the victim of sexual assault.' What? I am I supposed to know what on earth you're talking about here?

What a load of old waffle!

The term exists.
I've used it.
You don't like it.
It's ok that you don't like it.

That doesn't mean the term was used incorrectly in relation to my recent experience, like I said previously, if you look it up you will see it was appropriately used.

'then you've obviously made a whole variety of people unhappy with your attitude.' No. With my choice of words, which I have addressed numerous times.

'If you want to say I'm 'victim-blaming' there'd need to be an actual victim of something who I felt was at fault.' I told you I was leered at and accosted by a man a few days ago. You diminished it and said I was simply 'looked at' and my use of language made me a 'pathetic attention seeker.' So that is a VERY victim blaming attitude to have towards another woman.

'If you don't like a simple and accurate adjective written about you, you perhaps shouldn't repeat what you couldn't let stand.' I will repeat what I like, I think it is important for other pp to see how you speak about other women whilst acting like a champion for them over a few words you didn't like. There you go again thinking you can police how others use this website.

'And you can call it hijacking on my part to try to have the last word.' No I call it hijacking because that is exactly what you have done. You cherry picked a part of my comment you didn't like and proceeded to make that the main focus of your argument with me, rather than contributing to the original topic of the thread. An epic derailment.

'you couldn't help but harp back to another day!' Which is EXACTLY what you are doing yourself! That's how online forums work.

'sounds like something an ill-informed, ignorant teenager lacking in basic intelligence might say.' Then you resort to insults AGAIN.

Hmm.
I would say not, especially in a quiet secluded spot.

The problem is we don't know which are the good guys and which are the bad so we're always on high alert.

As my mother used to say "you just never know".......
Her sister was sexually assaulted in the 1950's by a man who was chatting nicely to her. She kneed him really hard between the legs and managed to get away.

Look, you're quite clearly just continuing for the sake of it without having anything more to add, so I suggest you give it a rest with looking for the most minor slight you can get someone to sympathise with you over, removing, inexplicably quoting and replying, now.

I'm not interested in what you have to say; your hypocrisy in that you choose to quote out of context; thinking you can dictate what people think about you based precisely on what you've shown them; repeated failure to understand that your trivialisation of rape is shit behaviour regardless of whatever happened in the queue at the co-op; believing you're the only one who can have your say on an aligned issue on a forum; implying only your limited experience matters and insisting that some tone-deaf immature slang is the best way to communicate to be taken seriously.

Yes, men need to take some responsibility for the ways they might inadvertently behave around women, including things that are part of natural social interactions, mainly because of the ones who deliberately abuse their inherent power. Being privileged enough not to have to consider that is it own issue, but behaving in a way which should be perfectly normal (and likely would be if only women involved) doesn't necessarily make a man an 'entitled dickhead'.