Entitled dickhead in beauty spot

[grizzlyoldbear]

I was sat on a bench at a beauty spot in a nature reserve I’d never been to before, really peaceful, very quiet, no one else around. A man turned up with his dog and just stood there, it was very unnerving and I think he was waiting for me to move. “Lovely view, isn’t it?” he said in a pointed, hovering way.
As soon as I scrambled away from the bench (couldn't get out of there fast enough), he sat straight down. It was obvious he’d been waiting for me to f* off so he could have the bench to himself.
I found it really intimidating and creepy, especially as it was so secluded. It completely ruined the moment , I just wanted a quiet sit in nature, not to be silently pressured off the only bench.
Am I overreacting or would others have felt the same?

49%

So because SOME men are, they're all tarred with the same brush? Okay.

Calm down. Women are right to be cautious of men in isolated areas. And unfortunately men don’t wear convenient lanyards that tell you who are the dodgy ones or not. Don’t gaslight. It’s a natural and important instinct.

That is not the scenario described by the OP

@Notashamed13 I agreed with him, but his vibe freaked me out, it was bullying
@KrisAkabusi As if the situation wasn't weird enough already, out of a 50 acre nature reserve he can't find somewhere else to fucking sit?
@Dearieme400 I like men, I just don't like this entitled bullying behaviour. Let's seperate the behaviour from the gender. As men are the physically stronger sex that comes a bit of social responsibility. If you’re in a quiet, secluded spot and your presence could be intimidating - don’t hover, don’t make people feel like they’re in the way. It’s basic social awareness.

I’d have taken this as a man trying not to make you feel uncomfortable.

He wanted to sit, but didn’t sit next to you while you were there. That feels like he was trying to be respectful.
He tried to engage in conversation, possibly hoping for an invitation to share the bench.

I’m not sure what he could have reasonably been expected to do, other than not be there… where he has as much right as anyone to be.

Unfortunately yes. Men are the sex class that commit most of the violent and sexual crime. Take it up with them. Not frightened women.

Maybe he had a bad pain from joint injuries. I don't think someone saying 'lovely view, isn't it' warranted you to scramble away fast unless there's something you haven't mentioned?

First of all, if it’s a typical bench, he could have just sat on the other side, no need to ask.

But if you are going to ask, a quick ‘do you mind if I sit down?’ is perfectly normal and happens every day, male or female.

So were you sat on the bench in the middle leaving no room for anyone else to also sit?

Yes he could’ve been normal and thought ‘oh, a woman on her own there. I’ll fuck the fuck off and come back later and enjoy the view when she’s gone.’

Blinkin eck. Stories like this are probably why a man asked if he could sit next to me on a (very long) bench recently. After he left a woman sat down with no thought in the world. He was probably just trying to make polite conversation to show he is not trying to intimidate you. But he failed unfortunately. I'm sure there was space to share the bench unless it was tiny.
Alternatively, he might have been trying to gauge, less politely, if you were going to stay longer or move, like people do around tables in cafes and food courts. It's rude, but people do it.

Why should he come back later?! Everybody is entitled to enjoy the public view.

I just popped out and walked down the (quiet and dark) street to post a letter and startled a woman who didn’t know I was behind her. I apologised because it must not have been nice for her. Why do men not realise how they come across?

@novalia89 Nah, it was weird because he was hovering. Totally unneccessary behaviour and it made me angry honestly.

Would you have felt better if he had sat down on the bench rather than hover?

Hovering, admiring the view. Its you that's made it weird.

Entitled dickhead at the beach? Yes you are!

@nomas Thankyou.
I tend to think most people are good people but I just ask that men are a little socially aware when it's a totally isolated spot. I don't think I'd do this again actually in hindsight, it left me with a really weird feeling. Well maybe i would if i had a large dog.

huh? Just stay say where you wanted to sit?

You are allowed to feel how you feel OP of course. But your description of a man walking a dog, stopping at a clearing or viewpoint at which a bench is located and commenting on the view to the person present is not predatory, intimidating behaviour.

Maybe there's more that you didn't state? Or should we be inferring something from your description that wasn't specified?

I am always happy to pass the time of day with someone if we happen to be in the same spot for a minute or 2 and unless this person turned out to be a flasher or off his head on drugs I wouldn't have scarpered until I felt ready to.

But maybe you have different experiences thar make you more wary of potentially innocent strangers? It feels sad that we are so anxious about these types of interactions these days.

A bench is pretty big. An adult could sit at either end and still have space in the middle to not be too close to each other. I don't understand why you felt the need to get up, I'd have just scooched over to the side a bit and gestured for him to sit down.

If I wasn't ready to move, no way would I have done. Id have answered his comment and then carried on sitting there.

🙄

Yes he’s of course he’s ’entitled’. It doesn’t make him any less of a dick. You clearly don’t understand power and how it works.

But you sat in the bench presumably coz it was a nice view…. Maybe he thought it was nice too and was, momentarily admiring it!

Power? The man was on a dog walk and is now on Mumsnet for the jury to decide if he's a creep or not for simply saying the view is lovely.

Mumsnet gets stranger everyday!

I’m a good person and I think you’re nuts.