Entitled dickhead in beauty spot

[grizzlyoldbear]

I was sat on a bench at a beauty spot in a nature reserve I’d never been to before, really peaceful, very quiet, no one else around. A man turned up with his dog and just stood there, it was very unnerving and I think he was waiting for me to move. “Lovely view, isn’t it?” he said in a pointed, hovering way.
As soon as I scrambled away from the bench (couldn't get out of there fast enough), he sat straight down. It was obvious he’d been waiting for me to f* off so he could have the bench to himself.
I found it really intimidating and creepy, especially as it was so secluded. It completely ruined the moment , I just wanted a quiet sit in nature, not to be silently pressured off the only bench.
Am I overreacting or would others have felt the same?

This got to me as well, but I held myself back 🤣

Your offering was on the percentage perpetrated by men, presumably meaning you want a more level percentage, as there will always be a percentage.
if there is one sexual assault and it is committed by one sex, then that is 100%, but it doesn’t mean there is any realistic danger to anyone else.

No, my experience shows that the OP’s sexist and projecting approach is paranoid and delusional and her crass sexism and assumptions based on her own behavioural norms being projected onto another totally innocent party, whilst claiming victimhood status demonstrates a total lack of empathy on her part.

I know this is meant to be an echo chamber, but sometimes this utterly crass behaviour needs to be called out and the perpetrators need to listen and understand the role they are playing in making the world more sexist and more divided.

I will ask again, how is this “all men are a danger” approach working for you? Other than making you all paranoid, sexist and angry?
All you are doing is spreading more fear (unjustly so) based on arbitrary statistics you cherry pick to re-enforce your point, unsurprisingly those people you paint as threats to you find that offensive, divisive and crass and all you succeed in doing there is pushing them further away.

Success? Is that what you want?
Or as usual is it everyone’s fault but yours?

"Probably"?

I don’t understand why you left…

Men are allowed to hike alone, the same as women. They’re allowed to use benches and to wait for others to move on. They’re allowed to wait instead of sitting next to alone woman on a bench thus risking safe space accusations….

The phrase damned if you do and damned if you don’t springs to mind. Sorry op but you sound entitled hence me voting yabu.

Perhaps he thought it was better to hover and hope you would suggest he sat down rather than just sit down, which he was entitled to do. I might hover rather than plonk myself down next to someone and I don’t think I would ask someone’s permission to sit on the only bench facing a view. So yeah, I’d probably hover hoping to be invited to share the bench or that the seated person would realise they’ve had their turn and would indeed fuck off and let me enjoy the view in peace the way they had been.
I get it. A man coming along when you are alone in an isolated place is concerning, we do have to be vigilant. It’s not right that we have to feel that way. But I’m not sure it’s right that men have to give up and slink away if a woman on her own happens to be where they want and are entitled to be.

Nice try at deflecting from the points.
No one said you were arranging a pile on.

Please stop trying to twist words to help you avoid the salient points.

I am wondering if he should have asked permission to be there?

The point is 97% of attacks are by men so women are right to be wary of men.

if there is one sexual assault and it is committed by one sex, then that is 100%, but it doesn’t mean there is any realistic danger to anyone else.

Except that there were estimated 1.1 million assaults last year.

I will ask again, how is this “all men are a danger” approach working for you? Other than making you all paranoid, sexist and angry?

Being wary of men who stare at you and stand over you in isolated areas is not being paranoid, sexist and angry. It’s being smart.

For some reason you want women to abandon any awareness of who is around them and to ignore their instincts. I can see why that plays to your benefits as a man, but as a woman, I say no, thanks, you do you.

Then you haven't understood the feelings that OP described...

He wasn’t allowed to be there, clearly his very presence was entitled. MN is literally now bonkers.

Will let my husband and sons know they are not entitled to take our dog anywhere beautiful as lone women may be there and if they are only they have the right to be there.

Ask permission? Absolutely not. He'd probably be accused of chatting her up or something!

The hysteria of some people on here 🙈

Agreed. And everyone at some point has walked somewhere hoping that the bench at their destination will be free.

I regularly walk two miles along the river. There are lots of benches, but only one under a shelter at a particularly pretty bend. If it’s occupied (it”s too small for two strangers to share), I often sit at the closest bench a few yards away (but facing into bushes) and when whoever is sitting on it gets up, I go to my preferred bench to sit down. I suspect that’s all that happened here. If the OP had t left, he’d have hovered for a bit and gone away.

I don’t know why you moved.

Estimated, yes.
the number is a lot higher because sexual assaults perpetrated by women are ignored, and in too many cases, the men who are victims are attacked by other women for daring to raise them. I can speak from personal experience here.

There is being wary and there is the projection that we saw in the original post.
Comments and assumptions like “Passive aggressive” and so on, which are always absolute indicators of a person projecting their own personality onto others and then blaming the unknowing other for having had those traits projected onto them.

If paranoia and living in unjustified fear is working for you, go ahead, keep it up.

I get it OP!

Some people like to make conversation with strangers whilst out walking, that could be due to loneliness, friendliness or being an entitled pervert! Context is key, I don't think stopping for a breather by a bench and commenting on the view automatically makes the guy a creep (even if you felt creeped out) and I doubt men who go out with bad intentions bring their dogs along. I'd have been more frightened if he didn't have an animal with him.

But there definitely is an entitlement amongst some men, who think they can just spark up a conversation with a woman they don't know. I question whether they would act in the same if it were another man?

I got eye raped by some lecherous pervert in the CoOp a few days ago. He was standing in the queue in front of me but turned around to face me, didn't even make it subtle he looked me up and down. Then starting cracking jokes and asking about my shopping. It was SO uncomfortable. I just sort of gave a quick 'ha' and looked away, making it obvious I wasn't interested in talking to him and felt on edge. Even out the corner of my eye when I was purposely scanning the shelves to avoid eye contact I could see him starting at my tits. I was wearing a modest straight neck maxi dress at the time. When I got to the check out I said 'he was a creepy bastard,' to the man behind the till and he agreed, 'Yeah, he was, I was about to say something.'

The week before that I was at a cashpoint and some guy on the ATM next to me started up a conversation about the cash machines not being very good and what he needed to get his money out for. I just thought 'I don't give fuck, I'm just trying to get £20 out, I don't need your life story!' Or invasion of my personal space.

I don't know about anyone else, but the unwritten etiquette around people withdrawing money is to look away and keep your distance surely?

The month before that whilst queuing at B&Q some man behind me saw my seed packets and proceeded to 'mansplain' (I don't use this word lightly) to me at length about how to plant them. I just thought I wouldn't be buying them if I didn't know what I was doing and I didn't ask for your unsolicited advice. Again, I question whether he would have done the same to a man, or is it just women who need showing what to do? It really annoyed me, whether he was trying to be helpful or not.

Men thinking they are entitled to our time and conversation is extremely exasperating and sometimes scary! Whether their intentions are creepy or not. Maybe it's just me...

No. But you could make them aware that approaching lone women and starting up conversations could make them feel uneasy, particularly in secluded areas.

Approaching? He simply stood by a bench and commented on the view.

If he hadn’t spoken that would have been twisted into psychopath tendencies. He commented on the lovely view whilst waiting for a turn on the bench. The attempts to turn even that into predatory behaviour is frankly ridiculous. The only entitled behaviour was from the op. If you don’t want to share nature with loan males then don’t use it. They will be there whether you like it or not and they will want to use the same facilities as you. They are allowed to.

'to come near or nearer to something or someone'

For clarification I don't think what this man did was 'wrong' and he doesn't appear to have been creepy. I do think some men would benefit from better situational awareness though.

I think you should read my first comment as I have covered this already.

And some women would also.

This is coming from a female's point of view. Its not just men who can be creepy, women can too.

Please don’t trivialise rape by using ‘eye rape’ to mean a guy looking lasciviously at you. It’s unpleasant, sure, but it’s in no way comparable to rape.

Your comment doesn’t “cover it” the person who needs social awareness is the op. Chatting about the lovely view in a beauty spot is normal!!!! Don’t like it, don’t visit and don’t dictate to others what they can and can’t utilise whilst visiting the same beauty spots.

I'm sure they can be. But there aren't many men looking over their shoulders for predatory women because predatory women are few and far between in comparison to predatory men. The victim and crime stats will show you that.

Lets not ignore the biology either. An average man could easily deal with an assault from an average woman, that isn't true the other way around.