Entitled dickhead in beauty spot

[grizzlyoldbear]

I was sat on a bench at a beauty spot in a nature reserve I’d never been to before, really peaceful, very quiet, no one else around. A man turned up with his dog and just stood there, it was very unnerving and I think he was waiting for me to move. “Lovely view, isn’t it?” he said in a pointed, hovering way.
As soon as I scrambled away from the bench (couldn't get out of there fast enough), he sat straight down. It was obvious he’d been waiting for me to f* off so he could have the bench to himself.
I found it really intimidating and creepy, especially as it was so secluded. It completely ruined the moment , I just wanted a quiet sit in nature, not to be silently pressured off the only bench.
Am I overreacting or would others have felt the same?

@lunaswand standing somewhere / hovering is weird, in an isolated spot as many people have explained up the thread
@2107emc not quite true l, but I know what you’re saying. A woman wouldn’t have knowingly been intimidating and weird

Well just the ones that can’t act decently, yes

I don't really know what the man is supposed to have done differently. Walk on by? Sure, but stopping to look at the view is what you do on a walk. I don't really see that just because someone is sitting there that he can't stop. He may well have had an 'Oh is this awkward, I look like I'm waiting for the bench/an axe murderer' so made a normal comment to be friendly/defuse things a bit. He's just going about his life as OP is.

Sure, there's a possibility he could be about to do something awful, but we can't live our lives terrified on the off chance that he's about to do something terrible when it's highly likely that he isn't.

“we can't live our lives terrified on the off chance that he's about to do something terrible when it's highly likely that he isn't.”

until the time that he is.

Which is your problem. The rest of the world can’t be expected to not enjoy nature and facilities to accommodate obsessional worries of others.

It’s funny I’m a pretty careful person and bizarrely as a woman don’t feel the need to walk round in permanent fear for my life, neither does my daughter.

If I had decided to go somewhere I view as risky for a woman I wouldn’t dictate to others there how they should enjoy it.

But we don't live the rest of our lives like this. We don't refuse to get in cars or cross the road. We take sensible precautions but we live our lives. Otherwise our lives close down in a way I'm not going to choose. And we can't protect ourselves really this way anyway; if someone is going to harm us it's more likely to be someone we know, someone we trust.

If he was going to do something terrible, he would have done it, not hovered with his dog, saying "lovely view isn't it?" and waiting for the OP to leave before sitting down which, as the OP stated, is what really pissed her off. That's why she called him "entitled." ... "It was obvious he’d been waiting for me to f* off so he could have the bench to himself".

@LeftieRightsHoarder But is it really so difficult to imagine a woman’s point of view? Men attack women in isolated places, and they may start by making conversation. Is it really surprising women don’t want to look vulnerable?

I am not objecting to women, or anyone, taking measures to protect themselves. I am objecting to the use of a dog to achieve that aim.

First, few people are intimidated by dogs. I'm not bothered by large dogs.

Second, it's actually a terrible way to protect yourself. You can't leave your dog behind, so that prevents you from escaping the area. If I was attacked in an isolated place, the absolute last thing I would want would be to have a dog with me at the same time that I have to handle and escape with. The most effective means of defence is the method I use, which is to walk or run away from the situation.

Third, as I said previously, having a large dog just for the purposes of intimidating people is a symptom of small man syndrome.

I'm sorry but skedaddled has me rolling.

I'd have done the same OP.

I shan't repeat myself on the matter, I've done that enough already. I also won't be policed on how I chose to express feeling during my experience.

I'd hightailed it out of there too. OP. Had he simply sat down next to me I'd probably have moved too, given the area was secluded. But a man simply standing there staring at a woman is very odd, intimidating and confrontational behaviour. IMO, you did not misread those signs and better safe than sorry even if you did.

I really couldn't care less what you think.

@Lightsug It’s honestly a bit disappointing to see other women questioning someone’s feelings about a situation like this. That is, if you are a woman. If you're not, why don't you eff off?
We already have to be on the defensive just going about our day,
Nobody needs internalised misogyny on here of all places. You don’t have to personally feel threatened to respect that another woman did.

I haven't questioned anyone's feelings, simply explained that starting with the concept of 'rape' and downgrading to 'eye rape' as a term for looking at another person in a public place is more inappropriate than the looking.

I wouldn’t have moved, and in situations like this in the past (grew up very rural), I didn’t move then either. Used to light up a fag and if they still wanted to sit down with me they could!

You can't make a judgement on which is more inappropriate as you were not there. I have clearly explained what happened and it wasn't just 'looking.' You trying to minimise my experience because you don't like my choice of words is what's really inappropriate.

Then use the right words. That's how people share understanding.

You are not the arbiter of what are the right words.

Especially as you’ve just been deleted for presumably using the wrong words. (No idea what your post said).

That I was being a pathetic attention seeker.

There's no such thing as 'eye rape'. Only rape.

And I simply used a word entirely appropriate to describe the way a particular poster was coming across. Since it was precise enough they we both understood the exact meaning, I'm confident the message was received.

I didn't invent the term. Take it up with whoever did...
But if you do look up the definition you will see that they were the 'right words' to describe the situation.

I don't think you can preach about sharing understanding when you have done nothing but try to shut me down and minimise.

The term exists on Wikipedia. In case you were unaware language and terminology is forever evolving, the latest update to the Oxford Dictionary has 600 new words and phrases.

You are not the English language police.

You should concern yourself with how you are coming across. Very victim blaming...

Where do you suggest the definition of a 'word' that isn't in the dictionary is looked up?

And a person doesn't need to invent something to perpetuate a problem. A number of posters took it up with you. You maintained you weren't trivialising rape. If you define those words, honestly, you were. And now you're upset to feel your own experience being 'minimised', as you see it. I'm not minimising what happened. It's just minimal in the grand scheme of things. And, ironically enough, using your own phrase to name it just amplifies that, making t seem incomparable.

Oops cross posted - it's on Wikipedia?! Excellent!