Not to disclose the ingredients?

[Sparklingred]

My friend just got back from abroad and brought us some biscuits. They were super tasty and really buttery. DP ended up eating most of them.

When I wanted to bin the packet, I noticed they had lard in them. DP doesn’t eat pork for religious reasons. He’s not super religious otherwise, but that’s the one thing he sticks to.

Now I don’t know whether to tell him. I feel bad keeping it from him, but he’s already eaten them, and I’m worried he might get upset or blame my friend. She definitely didn’t mean any harm. She’s not the type to check ingredients, and honestly, we didn’t expect biscuits to have lard either.

YABU - tell him
YANBU - don’t tell him

What he doesn’t know won’t hurt him, in this instance

He could have read the label. He chose not to.

He's a grown up, up to him to read ingredients if he wants to exclude something - can't be that bothered if he didn't.

At any rate, there is nothing to be gained by telling him now.

Are you not telling him for fear of his reaction?

Anything other than a 'Damn, am so silly for not checking the label before I scoffed them' is a concern really.

As someone who avoids things like lard, I would like to know if this was discovered before or during I was eating it but not after. It’s already happened and it’s just miserable.

Lard can be from beef as well as pork. Do the ingredients differentiate between them?

If he asks I wouldn't lie, but if it were that important he should've checked before he ate them. Not your friends fault either

Can he read?

Don't tell him. What he doesn't know won't hurt. I'm life long vegetarian (because of outgrown childhood allergy to some meats) and I know I would prefer not to know.

Nah. What is the point of saying something. It's not going to change the past, but if he gets upset with your friend over this, it's going to change things going forward.

I’m worried he might get upset or blame my friend.

He would have absolutely no business getting upset with anyone else but himself.
He is an adult, he can read, if it's important to him he should have checked. So - fair enough to be upset with himself.

But totally out of order to be upset with your friend.

Would there have been a real possibility of that?

In which case you have deeper problems than his greedy scoffing of most to the delicious biscuits YOUR friend brought.

I just worry he’d feel bad when there’s nothing he can do about it now. Also, I don’t think he’d say anything about my friend, but I worry he might think she did it on purpose or was insensitive to his dietary choices.

Was it definitely pork lard?

Thanks, I didn’t know that. It just said lard, so I assumed pork.

In that case I'd probably not say anything and feign innocence myself if he found out at a later date. No point in him beating himself up over something that was unintentional.

You are mothering him

He could have read the ingredients list

Everyone with dietary choices and restrictions should

He ate them.

Why would he think that when it’s his responsibility to read the ingredients?

He really isn’t very uptight about about this dietary requirement it is he? Given they were “buttery” biscuits

He really isn’t very uptight about about this dietary requirement it is he? Given they were “buttery” biscuits

If I was that fussed about ingredients, I would check them myself. I wouldn't rely on anyone else to do it for me.

Just forget you saw the ingredients and move on; it’s no one’s fault and nothing can be done now x

He’s “not the type to check ingredients”

In that case op, he’s eaten pork loadsa times 🤭

What on earth would you gain by telling him? I am the same as your husband and would definitely not want to know after the event. The friend is not to blame in any case. These things happen. Do not turn this into a bigger deal than it need be.

You could easily have thrown the packet away without looking!
Too late to worry about it now

You don't need to manage his emotions. He's an adult and should be responsible for his own emotions.
If you feel you need to do this then perhaps gently look at where this comes from?
Is he normally an emotionally disregulated person?
Or perhaps you grew up with an adult who didn't regulate themselves, and it fell to you to keep her peace for your own protection.

Either way, you can let that go now 🎉