Not to disclose the ingredients?

[Sparklingred]

My friend just got back from abroad and brought us some biscuits. They were super tasty and really buttery. DP ended up eating most of them.

When I wanted to bin the packet, I noticed they had lard in them. DP doesn’t eat pork for religious reasons. He’s not super religious otherwise, but that’s the one thing he sticks to.

Now I don’t know whether to tell him. I feel bad keeping it from him, but he’s already eaten them, and I’m worried he might get upset or blame my friend. She definitely didn’t mean any harm. She’s not the type to check ingredients, and honestly, we didn’t expect biscuits to have lard either.

YABU - tell him
YANBU - don’t tell him

@Ademasstudio Lard is pig fat. If the fat isn't from pigs it isn't lard.

He sounds like hard work

"I worry he might think she did it on purpose or was insensitive to his dietary choices."

Why would he think she did it on purpose? Doesn't she like your partner? Is there history between them? Because, quite frankly, it would be a very odd assumption to think that someone would be that spiteful and that petty. As for blaming you - is it your specific job to read all the ingredients in everything he consumes? Has he abdicated all responsibility for his own diet and part-time beliefs? If so, why have you let it get to this stage? Also, you are obviously fearful of his reaction to this minor issue, which is in itself concerning.

Not worth telling him. it's done and dusted now, forget about it.

It might make him feel upset and bad about himself for eating it.

Don’t tell him , if he’s that bothered about what he eats then he needs to check labels like coeliacs have to .

Beef lard is not a thing @RoadAtlas , it's like saying beef mutton or beef ham.

Well I’ll be sure to check out the ingredients on Spanish biscuits in the future. I’m vegetarian and in all honesty I’d rather not know. Not the same as a religious reason I know.

I grew up eating lard on bread, like butter, it was always beef, never pork.

That’s dripping, not lard.

@thiswilloutme ,did you have unicorn meat too?

tallow can be beef or pork, but beef fat is not lard.

It's not yours or your friend's responsibility to tell him the ingredients, he should've checked himself

I've been vegetarian for a very long time, and back in the day I knew to check biscuit ingredients for animal fats, ie distinct from butter. They weren't specific about the type of animal, so that wouldn't help your DH. Nowadays I only bother with things that come from abroad, as UK foods are usually marked as suitable for vegetarians when they are. It's important to me to be sure. However. If I'd unwittingly eaten something I wouldn't have chosen to, unless I'm likely to be offered the same thing again, I would probably prefer not to know.

If they are spanish biscuits with lard It will be pork , generally spanish biscuits don't contain lard, usually oil but the traditional " mantecados" are made with lard although increasingly they are being made with olive oil to cater for everyone
"Manteca" is spanish for lard therefore " mantecados" are traditional biscuits made with iberian pork lard, eaten traditionally at Christmas but now available all year round.

Absolutely, haven't said they don't?
Not sure you've understood my post tbh.

It's not our job to preempt or absorb someone else’s reaction, especially when the upset isn’t even about us.

There's a line between empathy and emotional caretaking.

I have a family member who tries to make absolutely everyone around her responsible for her very specific dietary needs it is challenging to say the least. Your DH is responsible for his own dietary preferences and needs. I would be unimpressed if he tried to put that on your generous and kind friend.

I think you need to tell him so he can pray for forgiveness.

The person with arbitrary religious food dietary needs should check the labels themselves.

If he doesn’t bother readbig ingredients before he eats things, he’ll have eaten a lot more pork than he realises.

Not your problem, he’s an adult. I also think it’s concerning that his first thought would be that your friend did it on purpose. Either he’s a dick, or she is.

Doee he never eat anything in pastry? Most pastry is made with lard too.

None of you gain anything by you telling him.

Your friend gains nothing.
Your husband gains nothing.
You gain nothing.

Your thoughts on how he might react are more concerning actually. Does he not like your friend or has she been insensitive before? If not, then he really shouldn't blame her or even you. This was a genuine mistake and any negative reaction on his part is unacceptable. I am vegetarian and i ate jelly sweets with animal gelatin, without realising, as my friend offered it to me. I didn't blame her for it. I just made a joke of it and that was that.

Why upset him for no reason? Too late to do anything. If he’s bothered about sticking to religious rules he should check himself

He really isn’t very uptight about about this dietary requirement it is he? Given they were “buttery” biscuits
To be fair I wouldn't assume it would be pig lard from 'buttery' biscuits.

You need to stop enabling his helplessness and tendency to blame others for his own shortcomings.

He's responsible for what he puts in his own body and what's more you know it.