Have I actually done anything wrong?

[muchpreferanimals]

A few weeks ago my brother announced he had left his wife of 20+ years and his children for another woman and he wanted me to meet her.
I was shocked but agreed they could come over and we did a barbecue and sat outside.
I am very close to my SIL so found this all a bit of a shock but I could see they were very happy and we had a nice afternoon.
Later on my brother called me angrily and said I should have taken down the family pictures that had him and his ex in before they arrived and said I was very insensitive and had upset his new gf and caused problems.

For context I have a lot of pictures in the hall that have been there years and she is in a couple of them and as we sat outside she could only have noticed them on the way to the toilet.

I explained I hadn’t given it a thought and as it was all so sudden I was concerned about him rather than erasing all trace of my SIL from my wall.
Dh seemed to be of the assumption we should immediately take all pictures with her in down to make peace but I think I’ve done nothing wrong and I shouldn’t have to feel sorry that she was offended by this.

I had no intention of causing any upset and I’m really upset it was taken out on me, db is usually quite down to earth but now he would like me to apologise and I feel like I have to admit wrong doing to make amends.

Please don’t be a doormat.
please don’t apologise.
please don’t erase your sil.

Tell your brother to fuck right off. He's an entitled, cheating prick. The photos in the hallway are your possessions and your memories. It wasn't as if you shoved them in this woman's face. This is typical, guilt ridden second relationship shit and just the beginning of all sorts of trouble. I suspect this new bit of stuff will do everything she can to alienate your brother from the "old order", which includes you. I'd concentrate on the relationship with your SIL and your nieces and nephews.

Your DB is an asshole tell him to get lost .

When you "date" someone who's been married for 20 years, you have to expect that his family are going to have some pictures of his wife in their houses. Is there some reason your brother might be being less than honest with you in saying that his girlfriend is upset about this? It seems so far-fetched. Has he asked you to apologise to her, or to him? Once he's divorced or separated, I'd take down any pictures I have up from his first wedding or of just him and his ex if he wanted me to, but not group pictures of family that his ex happens to be in.

I wouldn’t be taking them down and seeing as you are close to ex SIL I wouldn’t have even had the new woman round.

This totally, cannot believe your brother's behaviour and your poor SIL.

WTAF

Your brother announces a few weeks ago that he is leaving his wife of 20 years and you are immediately up for meeting his new woman?
What's the matter with you?

You say you were 'very close' to your SIL. Obviously not. That's a lie. Because you would not be meeting her replacement after a 'few weeks' if you were 'very close'.
Treacherous.

No you did nothing wrong. Your db is being unreasonable and precious. It’s not his home and his gf needs to get a grip and understand he had a life (and a wife) (and kids) before her.

Absolutely. It was bloody nice of you to invite them over at all tbh.

Your brother sounds awful as does his girlfriend. She was the one who made a fuss because you hadn't taken down photos of your SIL and her children. What on earth does she expect? It sounds as though your brother and this woman are trying to erase any trace of his ex-wife and kids. I'd massively judge the pair of them and wouldn't welcome them in my house again.

This.
I appreciate your brother is important to you, but i wish you'd find some anger for his treatment of your SIL, and his subsequent drummy spitting at you about the photos.
He's got a bloody nerve, frankly. You were good enough to invite them into your home, something I & many others wouldn't have done. He and his new piece need to grow up now, and accept the world doesn't evolve around them.

The cheek of your brother trying to dictate in your home.

No I wouldn't have entertained him and his affair partner.

I would have too much loyalty to his ex znd children.

He sounds like a selfish cheating tosser.

His poor children.
Read up about loyalty.

Yes, I would have said it’s too soon for you as you are close to sil. If he was decent he would get it but it sounds like he’s an overgrown brat.

YABU to meet the OW so soon after this has all happened.

Your poor SIL - if I was her I would not speak to you again - her family of 20 years is torn apart and within a few weeks you're having a BBQ with her replacement?!

Your brother is being totally unreasonable. How long has it been? Not long by the sounds of it. He expects you to remove all trace of her (and his kids with her in photos, presumably) TBH I thought at first the post was going to be about you having the new girlfriend at your house and your SiL upset about that! She is the mother of his children, your SiL, who you get on with, ,and I don't think he has any right to say wipe her from your life because it upsets his new squeeze. She needs to be mature enough to realise she is with a man who has children with a woman who he will continue to be in contact with, and so will you. SiL has done nothing wrong?

I think he needs to be happy you had he round. If the photos also had his children in then does he want you to take photos of your niece and nephew down?
As someone said- if a few photos are enough to derail their relationship then I feel sorry for them.
If you’re close to your SIL then please take the time to see she’s ok, as I’m sure you have. Xx

Your brother is a dick. Tell him if he doesn’t want the OW seeing pictures of your family history, which SIL is still a part of, then he doesn’t need to bring her to your house. Like it or lump it. Brother or no, I’d not be particularly interested in continuing a relationship with someone who has done that to his family.

Exactly this!
Dickhead bro must have been cheating behind his wife's back, else he wouldn't have another woman lined up already, let alone introducing her to you.
You've already done far more than many would, especially given your close relationship with SIL. But given your responses on this thread, I am wondering if you are as close as you say. You seem to solely care about not agitating your brother.

I most certainly would not be apologising. I would be telling your brother and your DH that you will not be taking sides and you won’t be changing anything. I’d also be telling DB that if he forces you to choose between him and your SIL and her children he might not get the result he’s hoping for! Also ensure you don’t gossip to SIL about DB and new girlfriend as it could be relayed back to DB by SIL.

Totally agree. It's a real kick in the teeth for the OP's SIL. Firstly, her life is blown apart by a marriage break up, and then within 'a few weeks' her SIL (the OP) who she always got on well with, has the new woman round for a cosy barbecue.
She must be absolutely gutted.

If she’s tough enough to shag someone else’s husband she ought to be able to handle a few photos. She obviously took your hospitality then slagged off your decor on the way home.

I expect she’ll be trying to expunge the kids next.

That's so ridiculous.
When I met my DH he had a previous girlfriend of ten years and they shared family holidays with his parents. There were pictures of them on their holidays in their living room and I just thought, oh thats a nice picture, don't they look happy, she seems like she was a nice person. Glad he had a nice girlfriend before me.
Why would you think anything else.
Ridiculous to think you can erase a person from other peoples memories.
The girlfriend sounds batshit, I would be worried for my brother that he is getting into a relationship with someone so emotionally unstable and jelous that they can't walk past a picture of a previous partner.

DON'T change your decor to suit your batshit two-timing brother

DON'T rush to entertain your batshit two-timing brother and his snowflake mistress in your home again

DON'T discuss it further with your batshit two-timing brother

If she's that sensitive about his past he's either got a very short relationship, or a long haul of constant whingeing and manipulating ahead of him.

Totally agree.

You’ve done nothing wrong at all! Your DB and his new GF are being ridiculously demanding!

My dear old mum kept the HUGE (really huge!) photograph of me and my first husband up on her wall from 1987 until she died last year (which is when I removed it 😬). I had been divorced since 1995! I remarried in 2002 and she also had a (smaller 🤣) framed photo of this next to the original HUGE wedding photo!

Never bothered me…they were her memories of happy days and she loved looking at them. Not sure husband number 2 was thrilled, but it wasn’t his house, and my ex-H is the father of my children, so they liked to see the photo 🤷‍♀️