I really don't like them and I don't know what to do about it

[Cupofdreams]

My son is engaged to a lovely girl and we get on really well but I cannot gel with her parents and I don't know what to do about it.

Usually it wouldn't be a major issue as most families do not really spend much time with both sets of parents outside of formal events but future DIL is obsessed with us all spending time together and being one big family. The problem is her family is a lot for me.

I have horrendous social anxiety and am a massive introvert and they are the complete opposite. They also drink a LOT and the Dad gets very forceful and rather aggressive when drunk to the point he has often been asked to go home from the pub as he has caused trouble with other people there. The last time I spent the day with them was awful and one of the parents spent much of the time trying to force me to have alcohol (couldn't due to medication) and getting angry when I didn't.

Talk is already happening about the festive period and it is stressing me out. DS still lives at home with me still and I would be happy to have future DIL over for Christmas day or I am just as happy to spend part of the day with them and then them move off to her parents or me spend a different day with DS and him just go there but she wants us all together and the thought of having to spend every Christmas day with them in future fills me with dread to be honest but DS has already made it clear that this is how it is going to be.

Aibu to ask for advice how to navigate this going forward so that I do not lose any relationship with my son.

i cant see this expectation lasting for very long. If persons genuinely don't enjoy social gatherings it becomes clear to everyone (Most people) and it may naturally change. I would be very clear with DIL that i find the events tiring and therefore opt out.

You are the parent just say no.

So your ds would not attend an event rather than explain your absence as he would find it too awkward to epkain... even though he would then have to explain his absnce, which I assume would be awkward...

And he finds the father stressful and difficult at events..

Is he sure this is how he wants to live going forward?

He can't keep bullying you into being his protector wlth his potential inlaws to what could be permamntly trying t avoid the real, bigger imovable issue of not liking the behaviour of his girlfriend's parents and their lifestyle!

The irony if this was something their family just did and all the other siblings and grandchildren got together Christmas day and it was the staus quo then I would be more understanding but it isn't. The other siblings and grandchildren either don't visit at all or briefly and never Christmas day. I know for a fact last year DIL ate Christmas dinner alone in her room and was upset about it because I invited her here..

This gets weirder and weirder! So, the whole family has checked out of this overpowering, controlling family entertainment, and your DS is giving you a hard time because you don't want to join in?

Sounds like he's completely under the spell of future bullying FIL..

Yeah I'd understand it if DILs family actually had these amazing family get togethers and they misguidedly thought OP was missing out on a wonderful experience.