Child’s friend insulted house

[Spicychili]

As heading- my daughter’s 8 year old friend came over to play and kept asking why our house and garden are so small and commenting on it. This is a sore point as most kids at their school have larger houses! I overheard them so didn’t get involved in the discussion. My daughter seemed to brush it off. AIBU to be upset by this or is this normal?

She’s an 8 year old child. Who cares what she thinks about your house size. She knows nothing about life or the world.

My children are very young so not sure what is to be expected of an 8 yo but was it insulting? Or was it just questioning?

Is your house smaller than her house? I overheard a similar comment when DC had a friends over (they were 5/6), it initially upset me but then I got over it (I didn’t say anything) as I realised they were a child and our house was smaller.

I can remember taking a young family member to a friends house years ago and they kept commenting on how big the house was (they lived in a 2 bed flat). Kids say what they see.

Sounds a bit rude although it may be because her parents haven’t taught her that some people don’t have as much money as others or want as big a house but that doesn’t make them less good so that is the parents’ fault. After all, you were showing her hospitality by having her round and she should be grateful for that.

She's 8, she doesn't understand sensitivities around money and house size.

Children just say things - they might have just been observing, it's unlikely an 8 year old would be judgemental!

Yeah reading a bit too much into it I think. Children literally say what they see. I get it though, most of my two's friends houses are bigger.

My daughter is 8 and has made similar comments I’ve been mortified about. It doesn’t come from a place of unkindness, just childish bluntness.

I have an in depth chat with her each time about it and make sure she knows it can come across as rude!

It’s rude, but at that age it could be unintentional. My youngest is 11 and has mentioned kids at school bragging about money, usually connected to personal possessions rather than house size. It will be who’s got the latest iPhone and how much it costs. She’s also had kids taking the piss out of her for having clothes bought at Asda, in the same sentence as telling about their clothes from Primark, so they’re a bit clueless really. I can’t quite remember what age it started, but it is plausible for an 8 year old to be identifying house size as an indicator of wealth and therefore something to brag/bully about. It’s also plausible that they’re completely clueless about such matters and are genuinely curious about the difference without realising what’s behind it. If it continues I’d be helping DD with a couple of prepared replies to these comments.

Was she wrong? Is your house huge? Or was she just making an observation?
If your house is small your house is small, my house is small and I am aware of that so is she not allowed to think it? I assume you can see what she can.

Agree that it’s annoying- but children aren’t good at judging house sizes! We’re currently in a spacious 5 bed with a large garden. My children went over to cousin’s 3 bed with a small garden (house could easily be half the size of ours) and were shouting ‘WOW!!! YOUR HOUSE IS SO BIG!!!’ repeatedly 😅and may have even said they wish it was their house.

Why is it insulting, is she incorrect? If it is a statement of fact and the issue is you’re really sensitive, then I’d see you as the issue not the 8 year old. However if she was incorrect and you’ve a lovely large house then I’m not sure it’s on you to correct, I’d just try not to be so sensitive about my house that even an 8 year old commenting offends you. Life is too short for that,

Would you be offended if you had a very big house and this child commented that your house was big?

This child has no awareness that bigger is better or any concept of money or property value. She’s used to seeing houses a certain size, yours differed from the norm, she commented on it - it’s not an insult.

You’ll see the exact same with anything that’s different. If a child had only seen black cars, they’d ask why yours is red. If they’d only seen dogs as pets, they’d ask why you have a cat. If they’d only seen indoor pools they’d ask why one is outside. It’s not an insult.

Shes 8, i imagine her parents havent taught her about money & being rude with blunt comments.

That scenario is my absolute fear. I recently have moved into a new area and DD into a new school and she has had a few birthday parties at her friends houses and they all have huge houses (owned) with huge gardens and clearly have money.
We live in a housing association property and it is small with a very small garden and although I love it, i would be deeply embarrassed if these children's parents saw my house compared to theirs.
I think at their age your daughters friend just says things as they see it, they probably don't mean anything by it but I would be upset too, I work hard to give my DD what I can but my best doesn't compare at all to what her friends have 😔

exiting the school gates recently I overheard my 8yo ds’s best friend pop out with ‘why doesn’t your dad live with you? Is it because he doesn’t love you?’ (We’ve been separated and coparenting for 2 years). At this age they just don’t have an accurate understanding of how the world works and why everyone is different. And are also cringingly blunt! It’s not personal or meant with any malice, just curiosity most of the time

You've been oversensitive. Kids are blunt, they say what they see. At that age DD asked me if we were poor because we only had one telly and Bethany's house had 4.

Some children are curious and just ask innocently.

In other cases, parents are idiots and it reflects on the kids.
I had a child over once and when the parent picked them up the first thing they said was “Oh mummy, they are poor!”. 🙄 The parent just smiled, didn’t correct them.

I’d say look at the parents and you’ll know which scenario it is.

Kids are often rude because they don't understand what subjects are sensitive to adults!

You could just say something like 'yes Amy, our house is a bit smaller than yours but it's rude to make comments about people's houses when you are visiting them'

My DD had a playdate once...they were 5 at the time. The child was absolutely flabbergasted that we only had one car. They have five. Genuinely kept asking me if it was true we only had one car and why. They were genuinely baffled rather than rude or brattish though.

In my experience children don't tend to comment or even notice the size of someone's house. They are more interested in their toys and what snacks are available.
It's an odd thing for a child to comment on but I would just either ignore it or just say something like there are lots of different size houses and this is our house. Your house is different

Try not to get upset.

She really wouldn’t have had a clue she was being tactless or rude.

It’s just ignorance not meant to upset. My son was loudly intrigued that some houses were “joined together” at a few years younger than this. We live in the back of beyond and his friends lived in detached homes and he’d never been inside a semi/terrace house (which frankly was worth far more than ours). We explained and then blew his mind with the concept of flats 🤣🤣🤣

She's 8

That happened to my when my kid was 8 too. And it did stick in my head too. It has no effect on my child either at the time. It is rude to say that but either she isn't aware of that/hadn't been pulled up on it or she hears her parents talk like that about others. Could very well be the latter. My kid and this child are no longer friends now so there could be a possibility they will fall out later down the line.