DH overreacting over

[NoWinnersOnlyLosers]

i will try to resume the situation:

I am on holiday at the moment visiting family (parents, siblings…)

I left my children yesterday with my parents so that I could catch up with friends over the weekend. Bear in mind I can only see them once a year and I am the default parent for my children and I don’t get a break, only ever when they are at school (if that counts).

On returning, my DD5 informed me while crying that her grandad told her off for dropping the remote and waking up grandma who was sleeping on the sofa in the living room. She also told me that she received a head slap for it but she cried for that.

I spoke to him and he admitted that it was a flick but was remorseful of what he did. I told him I expect this to never happen again as I have never laid a finger on them.

Now, my Dd informed her dad over a video call and she explained what happened. This didn’t sit well with him (which I understand) but he decided unilaterally to cut short our holiday by 2 weeks and book a flight for us.

He refused to talk to my parents and said he expects us to get on the plane well before our initial timeframe.

I asked my eldest child to explain what happened and if it was witnessed and the situation was explained and nothing more was added.

While I don’t accept the use of violence of any kind on children, my dad has never laid a hand on us and I feel it has developed in a molehill out of a grain of sand.

Now my eldest is crying that my husband has ruined the time with their grandparents.

My youngest is crying because she hasn’t been to the beach yet.

My mum is crying because she only gets to see us in summer.

I am equally devastated and angry as the time I have to decompress is gone and I have yet to organise plenty of things here.

My dad doesn’t know this yet as he was sleeping when all this was unfolding.

And my husband wants to impose and is a square man. He is difficult to convince otherwise and has spent money we don’t have to prove a point and damage my relationship with my parents with me being stuck in the middle.
He does not care about my family the same as he does not care about his side of the family.

WWYD?

In your first post you said: "On returning, my DD5 informed me while crying that her grandad told her off for dropping the remote and waking up grandma who was sleeping on the sofa in the living room. She also told me that she received a head slap for it but she cried for that."

Children wouldn't usually cry over a flick at the back of the head, you mentioned crying twice there. She also told your husband so it must have made an impact.

Except he was right, wasn't he!? I think you're giving OP just a bit too much credit.

Your husband should have spoken to you before booking flights expecially if hes incurred debt doing so. I wouldnt be giving your parents unsupervised access to the kids again personally they have shown they cannot be trusted. What a shame all round.

Your husband should be a more involved parent but he's right about getting the kids away from your horrible father.

then her dad needs better fucking impulse control!

I find it uncomfortable that he never laid a finger on OP as a child but is doing so on his dgd, why?

Absolutely no way should you leave! It's your holiday. You can enjoy it without leaving your children in your Dad's sole care, should you deem that necessary for their safety and security.

Your H does not get to make unilateral decisions.

No, no one should physically admonish a five year old. But that doesn't warrant cutting short a holiday by two weeks.

How did she do nothing? Stop making things up.

I don’t believe in hitting children but if it is correct your husband “flicked him” in the head I think your husband is massively overreacting. I don’t understand why he has complete power in this manner? To change flights and order you back?

If you don’t return what happens.

Why does she need to leave early? Do you think her dad is now going to follow her around everywhere she goes or something? She's not staying with her parents, there's no need to fly home.

This post and some of the replys are very concerning a child is assaulted by the mothers parent
Everyone fine with this
Mum doesn't mind
Everyone fine with this it a child they with their mother no harm done
Dad not happy about situation
Omg the dad is awful this is all dad's fault poor mum grandparents and child putting up with this dad how awful it all his fault
I guess I should not be surprised it is mm who don't have any tome for fathers/men

I know and you could just see the outrage if it was the other way around.

“dh dropped the kids off with his parents, child dropped something so grandad flicked her one in the back of the head, child says grandad slapped her so I think dh is minimising, also he didn’t even tell my himself my little one had to tell me over FaceTime!! So I think he was hoping I wouldn’t find out. I’m fumming I want him to bring the children back right now and frankly I never want to see them myself or let them near my children again!!”

Mn “too right go get your babies” “clearly they are unfit to be grandparents” “dh needs to cut the cord and stop backing mummy and daddy” “His valuing his free babysitting over your child’s safety!!”

Ifthis was the other way round as your FIL did this while your husband was out what would you do? Take his word thst he’s sorted out the situation and his dad didn’t do anything too bad? Or would you be furious that he’s minimising to protect his dad and demand they come home?

the dad has just as much say as to whether the children stay in a situation.
of course he said they could go, but the situation has changed now physical violence has happened. He’s effectively withdrawn his consent for time away so you need to take them home.

He can't - he has a full time job to support them all.

Ino it terrifying the amount on this post almost praising the mum n excusing the grandad for this while blaming the dad I would be very concerned for emotional and physical welfare of the children of these people saying it fine this happened not all dad's fault grandad and mum totally innocent victims of dad obviously keep d doesn't count as they only five

@OhHellolittleone

He’s effectively withdrawn his consent for time away so you need to take them home.

That part is very interesting actually. His child has been hit even if you believe the minimised version or not, aboard while the other parent had taken them away. He now wants them home. I wonder how does that stand legally. Because that’s not a parent going nah I’ve changed my mind. That’s a parent saying my child was put in harms way and I no longer believe they are safe.

It wasn’t an accident hitting a child because they were naughty is never an accident. He didn’t trip and shove her he was telling her off with physical punishment.

Tough one. Your father is not reliable childcare. Out of touch and has no patience. Old fashioned.

Your dh is controlling. Wants to show his dominance to your df by flying you all home early impating you all and the good bits of this trip and family relationships.

What i would do: never ask my parents to babysit again and state the reason being the hitting, which is unacceptable.

Tell my husband i am not coming home early and that im very capable of dealing with the situation.

Explain to my kids im very dissapointed in the way granfather behaved and that any hits or slaps are completely unacceptable. Also explain the history of physical punishments, and how some older people were brought up with hits and slaps and sometimes they dont understand times have changed.

Then we would carry on with our holiday and would not set our plans and family relationships on fire.

Has your father apologised to his GC?

Why is he smacking a kid for waking another adult?

Did your mum want whoever accidentally woke her to be smacked by him?

Why did it make him so angry?

What a twat!

I think I'd stay, have a couple of days without seeing them & obviously not leave your kids there again.

Ridiculous behaviour. I assume the grandma must have had ONE HELL of a hangover to have gone to sleep on a sofa while she was meant to be looking after her 5 year old granddaughter. The tellings off my kids got when they were younger because my mum (their grandma) was asleep in the afternoon! She wasn’t even old - just pissed from wine at lunch. And suddenly the kids were expected to be silent.

This 100%. Mumsnetters always seem to feel the need to blame the nearest man. Even when there is a man who is actually to blame, we have to blame the other man who did nothing wrong, because it was a woman who enabled the man who was in the wrong and women aren't ever wrong. I call it Mumsnet Algebra.

I am finding the answers to this really interesting. Some of you lot need to read carefully.

The amount of people judging without seeing is astounding. From poor parenting to controlling to every colour in between.

Again to clarify a few points:

This happened yesterday at around 6ish. I arrived home 7ish.

As another PP mentioned I can’t be in two places at once. I am on holiday but I visit my parents while here. When I say on my return I mean on coming back to my parent’s home.

I arrived to my accommodation 8ish and we checked in with my husband, as we usually do. The moment I call, my children snatch my phone from me and talk about their day with him. I usually wait until they are done to have a conversation with him without that many interruptions.
I didn’t have the opportunity to say anything first.
Yesterday ‘S highlight was this awful situation.

To all of you saying I don’t believe my daughter, I truly do. Never said otherwise in the OP. However, she has a form for performing crying specially when things don’t go her way. When I came in she was fine playing with her siblings. Then she proceeded to tell me what happened and the crying ensued.
The same would have happened if she was retelling something that happened at school. I am not justifying, I am explaining how my child is.

My poor children haven’t been to the beach yet, but they have been to the pool, to the movies, to dine out, to the countryside and to the shops. They have also been to some burocracy stops, such as renewing paperwork.

Also, my husband was here for a few days and then he went, as he can’t take that many holidays together. We have been doing this for years and it has worked for us. We don’t have fancy trips or an extravagant life. We barely go out. I clean, I cook and I do most of life admin and care for my children. People who say I am a bad parent don’t have a f…king clue.

While I appreciate the concern, I am someone who thinks things through and makes informed decisions based on the facts. I asked all witnesses including my children. I like to see the full picture. Unlike some, I am not explosive and reactive.

I said to my husband to talk to my dad and he refused. To talk to my mum and he refused and then proceeded to book the flights while I was saying to approach this with caution as I too realise this is a pivotal moment in our family life.

I don’t paint anyone on any light. I am stating things as they happened. My husband is also older and has form for taking unilateral decisions without considering anyone else, he thinks he knows best. He is overriding my assessment of the situation and I don’t like to be treated like a child.

I have not been able to assess anymore my child around her gd as I have not seen him since yesterday but she is devastated that we have the return flight sooner.

I might not update anymore as I need to sort things out and make the most of whatever time I have left here.

And remember, opinions are like butts. Everyone has one.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts

Jesus Christ. Read that out loud to yourself. Your child was assaulted by your father. You are being absolutely ridiculous to make ANY excuses for an abuser. Your poor child.

It should be your judgement OP, not your husband's, but I can see the politics are more complicated than that. Best of luck.

Your dad sees the kids once a year and smacks them for dropping a control? He’d be seeing them 0 times a year if he was my dad.

This may come as a shock to you, but people who work full time do take holidays.

And it turns out he was there at the beginning after all.