I'm literally ready to scream. Girl with irritating mother pt 2

[Balloonhearts]

No, this time I really am going to drown myself in the rain butt. Unsupervised minors be damned.

Link to previous thread for those who don't know what I'm ranting about. www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5359192-really-irritated-with-this-girls-mother?latest=1

So Summer riding club started yesterday. Girl from previous thread is enrolled and in my group.

Firstly her mother has signed her up AGAIN with the wrong weight on her form. And a note in the Need to Know section saying 'No large horses.' Obviously we realised and assigned her the correct size horse for her height, weight and experience. They got on swimmingly, Carol (The horse) is very sweet and biddable and excellent with beginners.

Mum came to get her yesterday and did her nut.

Now admittedly Carol does have quite a fast extended trot, which the girl, I'll call her S, was rising beautifully to. It's easier when going faster. More impulsion, means a bigger upwards assist and she has pretty much cracked her rising trot yesterday. She was happy, beaming and full of confidence. Not unhappy with her assigned mount in the least.

Anyway, mum went off on one about having requested no large horses and her wishes being ignored. First of all Carol isn't large. She is a 15.3 Thoroughbred with quite a dainty build. Not big or intimidating at all.

Mum insisted on a smaller horse today. This is difficult because S is both tall and heavy. Most of the ponies can carry a max of 10 stone and, again, we need to reshuffle riders to accommodate this.

The only one small enough to accommodate her is a 14hh cob called Mickey. He can carry her but neither of them are particularly comfortable. She has her stirrups hiked up to be able to apply aids correctly. This is throwing off her centre of balance and making her rising trot difficult and Mickey unbalanced. She's too long in the leg for riding him to be comfortable and with a weak core to start with, she is struggling.

Mickey is also a bit of a twat. If his rider is annoying him, he bucks. He's really more an intermediate horse than beginner. He's sweet natured but easily annoyed by an unsteady leg.

Today has mostly been teaching her to sit a buck, with limited success as Mickey is nothing if not persistent. She is not enjoying him at all.

Are we really unreasonable to tell this woman bluntly at pickup to either wind her neck in and leave the horse choosing to us or find somewhere else to ride?

I feel awful for S as she's a lovely kid and clearly mortified by her mums behaviour.

I had a good old chuckle at that too 😆 Carol is a queen 👑

I have had several bosses and I've also had autonomy in my roles and bosses who respected my opinion. OP very much gave the impression that she and the boss were jointly trying to resolve this. If she doesn't have some say in this there's no point in the post unless she just wants to vent...but that's not what it sounds like at all. Anyway, I gather boss has tactfully asserted herself now - hoo-bloody-ray!

Loving both threads @Balloonhearts. I have friends who run a trekking centre where I occasionally help out. Some thoughts:

1. In future deal with this in terms of insurance cover. “Our vet insurers require that our horses carry riders no heavier than 20% of the horse’s weight. Therefore children heavier than x stone will not be able to ride a pony but we will try to find a suitable gentle horse (subject to availability). Our liability insurers require that we match rider with the most suitable mount available for the rider’s experience. This means that riders may not be able to ride the mount of their choice if we deem the mount is unsuitable for them. Tall novice riders are safer on taller gentle horses than on shorter ponies because of the mechanics of the interaction of the horse & rider’s bodies.” etc
2. Consider rewording your website to make the requirements clear. “For reasons of our liability & veterinary cover, and animal welfare considerations, all riders will have their height & weight measured.” Give blurb about why riders need to be 20% or less the weight of the mount & give examples of what this means (e.g. the cut-off weight for a 14.2 cob). “Unfortunately we may not be able to find suitable mounts for beginner/novice riders above x stone as we have a limited number of larger mounts suitable for beginners”.

I’m horrified that the mother deliberately lied (1st thread) about the child’s weight in order that she be given a smaller mount. That was appallingly inconsiderate to both the horses and the staff who had to manage the resulting mess.

I think you have shown great kindness and compassion to the child (who seems really sweet). I would have told the mother that there were simply no suitable mounts available because you’d been unable to arrange anything suitable at short notice. Her giving deliberately false info on the registration form would have been a deal-breaker for me.

It does sound like the mum has a real phobia, which is maybe where the ignorance is coming from. Not wanting to stroke a gentle horse that her daughter enjoys riding (and an 8 year old is fine on) screams fear, doesn't it?

Glad that dad was sensible and that it got sorted in the end!

A nice little update for those of you who were following.

S has come on in leaps and bounds and she and Carol will be doing their first unaffiliated dressage competition in March. We'll all be cheering them on.

They've turned into a lovely little partnership. Dad has asked about possibly part loaning Carol a couple of days a week after school.

Oh well that's a lovely update, thanks. Awwww. 🐎

That's so nice ❤️ let us know how they get on in March. I'll cheer them on from a distance.

Aah thanks for updating us. What a lovely outcome! ❤️

How’s the mum now - is she still a PITA to deal with or has she mellowed now she knows it’s all ok?

What a lovely update. Everything crossed for S and Carol in their upcoming competitions

Wonderful news - sounds like its worked out great for Carol and her new 2 legged bestie

Hi, just caught up on this! It took me until November to start, but have lost a stone so far. I want to be able to call any riding school and for there to be be more choice of horses that would suit my ability (it’s been too many years, I’m inexperienced now!)

Love your update ….. Go Caz!

We don't see much of the mum now.

There was a bit of a stand off between her and S. S took a tumble, nothing major, it was almost comically slow. Overbalanced in canter, Carol felt her tipping and dropped to a trot and the transition sealed the deal. 😆 She just sort of slowly tipped to the side and fell off like 'going, going, ...gone!

She got up laughing and instructor legged her back up and her mum freaked out, said she shouldn't ride again after falling and demanded she get off. S refused and told her she was embarrassing and the instructor intervened to calm things down. Instructor said S was fine and suggested she shouldn't watch the lessons if it causes this level of anxiety. Her dad brings her now.

😂😂

Well that sounds like a result all round! Fair play to S for standing up to her mum. She’s obviously made of sterner stuff.

Awwww what a lovely update ❤️

I am sensibly very wary of horses. I have 3 times as an adult helped secure “roaming horses” in an urban area. The last time its nose was several inches above my head. I didn’t manage to stop it just grab something attached to its head collar (??) and passed it to the policeman that was trying to catch it!

What a lovely update, Carol sounds absolutely lovely. I’m glad S has found a horse she gels with and is coming on so well.

The owner is being unreasonable. They should be making sure the horses aren’t taking too much weight and that the girl is riding safely rather than appeasing a moaning mum.

I love this update! ☺️

Great update! Lovely to hear!