I'm literally ready to scream. Girl with irritating mother pt 2

[Balloonhearts]

No, this time I really am going to drown myself in the rain butt. Unsupervised minors be damned.

Link to previous thread for those who don't know what I'm ranting about. www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5359192-really-irritated-with-this-girls-mother?latest=1

So Summer riding club started yesterday. Girl from previous thread is enrolled and in my group.

Firstly her mother has signed her up AGAIN with the wrong weight on her form. And a note in the Need to Know section saying 'No large horses.' Obviously we realised and assigned her the correct size horse for her height, weight and experience. They got on swimmingly, Carol (The horse) is very sweet and biddable and excellent with beginners.

Mum came to get her yesterday and did her nut.

Now admittedly Carol does have quite a fast extended trot, which the girl, I'll call her S, was rising beautifully to. It's easier when going faster. More impulsion, means a bigger upwards assist and she has pretty much cracked her rising trot yesterday. She was happy, beaming and full of confidence. Not unhappy with her assigned mount in the least.

Anyway, mum went off on one about having requested no large horses and her wishes being ignored. First of all Carol isn't large. She is a 15.3 Thoroughbred with quite a dainty build. Not big or intimidating at all.

Mum insisted on a smaller horse today. This is difficult because S is both tall and heavy. Most of the ponies can carry a max of 10 stone and, again, we need to reshuffle riders to accommodate this.

The only one small enough to accommodate her is a 14hh cob called Mickey. He can carry her but neither of them are particularly comfortable. She has her stirrups hiked up to be able to apply aids correctly. This is throwing off her centre of balance and making her rising trot difficult and Mickey unbalanced. She's too long in the leg for riding him to be comfortable and with a weak core to start with, she is struggling.

Mickey is also a bit of a twat. If his rider is annoying him, he bucks. He's really more an intermediate horse than beginner. He's sweet natured but easily annoyed by an unsteady leg.

Today has mostly been teaching her to sit a buck, with limited success as Mickey is nothing if not persistent. She is not enjoying him at all.

Are we really unreasonable to tell this woman bluntly at pickup to either wind her neck in and leave the horse choosing to us or find somewhere else to ride?

I feel awful for S as she's a lovely kid and clearly mortified by her mums behaviour.

I’d have sent the message someone else suggested, it was more professional. I think yours sounded less like a professional opinion that carol was the best horse for her child and more 1. Wishy washy instead of factual and experienced and 2. like her daughter is not safe. I’d have sent the other message pretty much word for word, reread it to channel that vibe tomorrow.

This one

One of the messages above was to the owner, not the mum, though.
Agree, the owner needs to take a no nonsense stance with the mum where is clear where the expertise is here!
Sounds like the mum thinks the horses are like boats or bikes, without their own minds!
But even then, imagine insisting your dd should go in a smaller boat or on a smaller bike then the instructor advised. People are crazy.

The message was sent to the riding school owner, not mum.

Oops I missed that. It’s fine then!

Posters seem obsessed with the falling off.. DS2 is a rider and fell off his friend's pony 6 times in 40,mins.. the pony was feeling a bit ahem fresh that day..(kept bucking him off)

You spelled that wrong 😆

If you decided to be around horses there is always a chance you’re going to get hurt. No one’s safety was compromised - it’s nozzles you can say that after reading the OPs posts. Trying an alternative pony that’s shorter but can carry the weight isn’t compromising safety. The combo didn't work that’s it.

Love this thread. Admittedly only read your updates OP.

I’ve put on too much weight to be able to ride, I’m 6’ tall and probably 16 stone. But finding out that when I was looking for a riding school has inspired me to attempt to lose weight. I’ve not ridden for 15 years and miss it.

I think you're splitting hairs - the horse wasn't happy, the child wasn't happy, the OP knew it wasn't the optimal arrangement and the alternative was available. I'm just trying to encourage her to think about why she is not valuing her own expertise more.

The Op is not in charge of this, I’m not sure what you aren’t grasping here??

It seems clear that the owner had the final say and wanted to work with the mum.

Do you not have a boss @Frillysweetpea?

You really aren't too big if you find the right horse. I'm the same weight as you and I ride. My regular horse is over 18hh and weighs 1500. I'm under his 20% and from the way he charges around with me, he's certainly not struggling! I've often wondered if I got a bit fatter, would it slow him down a bit! 😆

Wow op, the mother sounds like a major P.I.A!

They're having a chat with the owner now. S, is braiding Carol up and will hopefully be allowed to ride her. The dad seems a bit more sensible and went and met Carol. I think a large part of this was Carol's info card.

They each have a little card on their door with their name, any warnings like please don't feed me and a bit about them. Carol's mentions her racing career. I've been chatting a bit with the dad and I think the mum is thinking because she's an OTTB, she is going to be fast and a bolter.

I've explained that she's nearly 17 and her racing days are behind her unless she's chasing the Ocado van with pictures of carrots on it!

Carol has officially been approved after having an 8 year old ride her to show she is safe. Fml! I need a drink. One that's from a cabinet, not a hose.

Thank goodness. Maybe take down the sign saying she uses to be a racehorse 😜

Love how they all have such different personalities. As a teen I used to work summers and weekends in a riding school where we had a retired racer (about 16hh I think, maybe slightly more) who was occasionally drafted into lessons. He was a total softie and you could put any beginner on him knowing he would cheefully do exactly what he was told. We also had ponies who were absolute dicks, and one cobby girl who could carry a lot of weight and was completely harmless but would only cooperate in a class if she knew and liked you - but was in her element on a hack and bomb proof in traffic.

I read your previous thread OP and think you have coped amazingly with the shitshow you have been presented with. So glad for the wee girl that it's been resolved but her mother needs to wind her neck in.

I'm just thanking Christ she didn't see S come back on James last week!

I really think its anxiety or something because she wouldn't even stroke her. S was trying to get her to give Carol a treat but she wouldn't go near her. She isn't a pushy or bolshy horse, she's currently in the cross ties, attempting to groom me, quiet as a lamb.

Someone needs to tell this woman no. You and the owners have been far too accommodating. She clearly doesn’t give a shit about animal welfare, she’s just clinging to her own very ignorant opinion. Good that it’s been sorted out now. But you shouldn’t have had to have all this stress. She should have been told explicitly that it was Carol or no riding, and let her try and take her business elsewhere with her attitude.

Tbh I've no idea why owner is bending over backwards for this woman. I went out of my way for the kid as it isn't her fault and was supposed to be a fun day but all this dictating who her daughter rides would usually be very swiftly shut down. The only thing I can think of is some kind of anxiety she is trying to accommodate.

I’m glad the mum has seen sense @Balloonhearts! You and your boss have been incredibly patient! I hope S loves her remaining lessons

My only knowledge of horses and ponies comes from reading Jilly Cooper novels, but even I know that the safety and welfare of horse and rider are paramount. Hopefully the mother will be happy now going forwards.

So glad it ended well. I love hearing about the horses! Carol sounds adorable and I would love to ride her, but am probably too big.

Is the owner being so accommodating because she is trying to tiptoe around the fact that the child is overweight?

I don't think so. She's usually quite direct. She's said to me who to ride before like 'You'll have to take Tom, you're too solid for Jem, lass!

I've explained that she's nearly 17 and her racing days are behind her unless she's chasing the Ocado van with pictures of carrots on it!

Carol sounds like a proper legend 😂💝