I'm literally ready to scream. Girl with irritating mother pt 2

[Balloonhearts]

No, this time I really am going to drown myself in the rain butt. Unsupervised minors be damned.

Link to previous thread for those who don't know what I'm ranting about. www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5359192-really-irritated-with-this-girls-mother?latest=1

So Summer riding club started yesterday. Girl from previous thread is enrolled and in my group.

Firstly her mother has signed her up AGAIN with the wrong weight on her form. And a note in the Need to Know section saying 'No large horses.' Obviously we realised and assigned her the correct size horse for her height, weight and experience. They got on swimmingly, Carol (The horse) is very sweet and biddable and excellent with beginners.

Mum came to get her yesterday and did her nut.

Now admittedly Carol does have quite a fast extended trot, which the girl, I'll call her S, was rising beautifully to. It's easier when going faster. More impulsion, means a bigger upwards assist and she has pretty much cracked her rising trot yesterday. She was happy, beaming and full of confidence. Not unhappy with her assigned mount in the least.

Anyway, mum went off on one about having requested no large horses and her wishes being ignored. First of all Carol isn't large. She is a 15.3 Thoroughbred with quite a dainty build. Not big or intimidating at all.

Mum insisted on a smaller horse today. This is difficult because S is both tall and heavy. Most of the ponies can carry a max of 10 stone and, again, we need to reshuffle riders to accommodate this.

The only one small enough to accommodate her is a 14hh cob called Mickey. He can carry her but neither of them are particularly comfortable. She has her stirrups hiked up to be able to apply aids correctly. This is throwing off her centre of balance and making her rising trot difficult and Mickey unbalanced. She's too long in the leg for riding him to be comfortable and with a weak core to start with, she is struggling.

Mickey is also a bit of a twat. If his rider is annoying him, he bucks. He's really more an intermediate horse than beginner. He's sweet natured but easily annoyed by an unsteady leg.

Today has mostly been teaching her to sit a buck, with limited success as Mickey is nothing if not persistent. She is not enjoying him at all.

Are we really unreasonable to tell this woman bluntly at pickup to either wind her neck in and leave the horse choosing to us or find somewhere else to ride?

I feel awful for S as she's a lovely kid and clearly mortified by her mums behaviour.

So this is the message I've sent the owner.

Hi x

I'm really not comfortable with keeping S on Mickey, especially hacking. He's too much of an advanced ride for her and she's come off him 4 times already in the school. The only reason she hasn't been hurt is because it's sand and I've been running with her. I've got 4 children to supervise and I can't watch the other 3 if I'm constantly managing Mickey.

I'm worried about the hack, if he plays her up on the road, he could have decked her before I've even dismounted. I cannot take her out on him. I'm happy to keep S in my group on Caz but not Mickey. I know sometimes he's fine and her mum is upset and you're trying to please everyone but it's just not working.

Really ? Read the previous thread. How do you think OP knows that the height and weight the parent gave was wrong ?

Horse riding is not the same “consumer experience” as booking into ice skating lessons or holiday kids club - there’s animal welfare and considerable safety issues at stake. If she won’t give accurate information and then allow you to do your job she needs to be told to go elsewhere. I think you’re entirely right to refuse to take a child who can barely do rising trot in a sand school out on a group hack on roads riding a pony that’s had her off four times in one day already - cos that’s an accident waiting to happen, totally foreseeable and no doubt when she gets hurt it’s going to be blamed on you.

I’m amazed the owner is pandering to her - in my 1990s riding school experience riding instructors are not to be argued with and don’t suffer fools!

I came from your last post, and I am really enjoying the horsey tales! I was very into horse riding when I was younger, and fell out of it as I became an adult. I have recently really wanted to get back into it, but when I tried the nearest school to me it felt awful. The horses were lined up in a barn, all tacked up, and looked as though they were left tied to a rope with their tack on all day. I watched the horse my lesson was on come back from another 1hr lesson to be handed straight to me with no rest/water etc etc. It all felt very wrong, and considering they preach their high standards, I didn’t see them. They also had dogs caged all over the yard which I found difficult to see. Honestly wish I could make some sort of report, but I don’t know who it would be to. Your previous comment about letting the horses speak for themselves made me think about how awful it was. I hope the mum comes to her senses and realises she’s just ruining it for her child!

You need to tell tell the Mother, that as the riding school, you have a responsibility from a H&S perspective for both the rider and horse.

That being the case, its important that the physical build and characteristics of the horse can safely and happily accommodate her daughter. Unfortunately the details she provided re her daughters height/weight on the form, are inaccurate and could put her and the pony at risk. Putting a youngster on a Pony that is too small for them can put pony and rider at risk and can inhibit her daughters riding development.

Her daughter has a talent and was coming along well on the Horse you allocated and now she has been moved ot a smaller point, both she and the Pony are struggling.

I agree with the poster earlier who said that you need to tell the Mother that the daughter is welcome to continue but on the horse selected by the experienced staff at the riding school.

Christ almighty op, well done on your patience with this woman thus far!

I cant believe she's happy to risk injuring a horse or her child, because she thinks she knows better than the professionals!
Do you think the owner will say that's enough now, or keep trying to accommodate?

I think youre going to have to tell Ss mum.

You're expert, she is not.

That is why she is paying you to teach her Dd not doing it herself.

And if you put her on the wrong mount Dd could get hurt and your poor pony could have an accident injuring them both

So she can trust your discretion or take S elsewhere

Love that 'Mickey's a bit of a twat' 🤣

Carol is an epic name for a horse!

Poor kid with a mother like that. Sounds like she had a fab day with Carol and not so much with Mickey (love the description of him 😂)

Not RTFT but read your last thread.

Horses welfare comes first and then child’s obvs - tell mum in no uncertain terms that she csn either listen to you (as she clearly has no clue) or unfortunately you won’t becabii lol d to continue to offer the service (which I know you don’t want to do - she sounds like a lovelh kid and it’ll be a stand if mum continues to spoil it for her)

What is it with Mickeys ? We had one , he was also a bit of a twat!

As a non-horsey person, I sympathize with the mother, but at the same time she is behaving very badly and not at all in her daughter's interests. After all, she came to you because you know more about horses and riding than her, so it makes no sense to ignore your advice!

When my tall and leggy (but underweight and not overly strong) son started riding lessons, I was terrified by the instuctor's choice of horse. It was an ex-military Clydesdale cross called Webster. He was huge! I was very concerned, but just watched and waited to see how it worked out. I'm glad I didn't intervene, because the horse and the boy really bonded, and when Webster eventually retired, only my son was allowed to ride him. Sadly, we had to stop his lessons because someone new took over the stables and was actively unpleasant to him, but I'm glad he had the experience because it improved his confidence no end.

I think this is unfortunately the part where you stop beating round the bush out of fear of causing offence and just tell the woman bluntly that her daughters weight is the reason she cannot ride the smaller horses (out of earshot of the child of course) and that you are happy to offer the alternative or nothing at all. Anyone who fits into the categories of underweight, overweight, very tall or very short will encounter situations where they might have to do things differently to their peers and the sooner this woman accepts that the better!!

Mickey is that one that I'm glad I'm way too fat to ride. 🤣

She just said OK. So God knows what I'm walking into in the morning.

Why do people who nothing about a sport want to dictate how it's run? Stupid bloody woman and her poor daughter. Sad that she is so overweight with no core at that age though. Hopefully she'll carry on with the riding and build some muscle and lose weight to be able to ride other horses. With the weight of the saddle she's needs something that can carry 15st which is rare!
Far too many people see nothing wrong with pony squishing.
Well done on your weight limit and making it fun for the daughter.

Tbh, I think the only unreasonable thing you've done here is to follow these requests against your better and professional judgement.

In doing so, you have failed to prioritise either of their welfare.

Why on earth didn't you just tell her at the start that the riding school's decision is final?

I know it's not always easy (I'm a primary school teacher) but it should be you calling the shots, not her.

You don't need to worry about what you're walking into in the morning. She's welcome to not return if she is unhappy with your decision.

My dd goes to a ride and groom thing at a local riding school. They play with the little tiny pony’s and then have a little lesson. I wouldn’t bloody dream of telling the owners/workers which horse she should be on. She started off in small ones but now she goes on a huge one. My dd bloody loves it.

Well done @Balloonhearts - looking out for the safety of the rider and the horse.

I know a human called Mickey who is also a twat - coincidence? I don't think so.

Do let us know how it goes. The owner needs to be firm with mum that you guys know best and are doing the best for her child. And is she keeps causing issue she’s have to go elsewhere, you are thinking of both her kid and your horses.

She’s taking the Mickey

Just put her on on one that will throw her. If shes really into it she will dust herself off and get back on (coming from a horsey parent with a child with an unrecognised fractured back!!). If not horsey mum will whisk her away - problem solved

🤣 Lol, sounds like this woman wouldn’t know what to do with a ‘Mickey’ - she believes ponies are safer than 16+hh geldings. 🤣🤣🤣

Are you not at all concerned that this could be identifying with the names of the specific horses? Anyone using those stables would immediately know it was that stables you were referring to? It’s quite unprofessional.

@Balloonhearts I have no advice to offer for this situation as I have ridden a horse maybe twice in my life. But I had to post to say that your first thread about this ridiculous mother inspired me to look up local riding schools for some summer holiday events for my DC.

You were of course hilarious in your descriptions but what also came across so clearly was your love for the horses (even the twats) and how much you cared about the kids having the best time and getting the most out of their experience. I know my DC would love to learn to ride with someone like you so I just had to let you know how you inspired me to look into something different for them.

Hope this mum sees sense and listens to you experts!

Mum knows nothing, you lot know your horses. I’d say 13st is the limit of a lightweight TB of 15hh2. I’d be wary of getting on that as an experienced rider, although I’m under that weight. But again, you know your horses.

A 14hh bucking bronco will teach the child balance and how to stay on, but sounds uncomfortable and as she’s come off 4 times, it’s a big no!