I'm literally ready to scream. Girl with irritating mother pt 2

[Balloonhearts]

No, this time I really am going to drown myself in the rain butt. Unsupervised minors be damned.

Link to previous thread for those who don't know what I'm ranting about. www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5359192-really-irritated-with-this-girls-mother?latest=1

So Summer riding club started yesterday. Girl from previous thread is enrolled and in my group.

Firstly her mother has signed her up AGAIN with the wrong weight on her form. And a note in the Need to Know section saying 'No large horses.' Obviously we realised and assigned her the correct size horse for her height, weight and experience. They got on swimmingly, Carol (The horse) is very sweet and biddable and excellent with beginners.

Mum came to get her yesterday and did her nut.

Now admittedly Carol does have quite a fast extended trot, which the girl, I'll call her S, was rising beautifully to. It's easier when going faster. More impulsion, means a bigger upwards assist and she has pretty much cracked her rising trot yesterday. She was happy, beaming and full of confidence. Not unhappy with her assigned mount in the least.

Anyway, mum went off on one about having requested no large horses and her wishes being ignored. First of all Carol isn't large. She is a 15.3 Thoroughbred with quite a dainty build. Not big or intimidating at all.

Mum insisted on a smaller horse today. This is difficult because S is both tall and heavy. Most of the ponies can carry a max of 10 stone and, again, we need to reshuffle riders to accommodate this.

The only one small enough to accommodate her is a 14hh cob called Mickey. He can carry her but neither of them are particularly comfortable. She has her stirrups hiked up to be able to apply aids correctly. This is throwing off her centre of balance and making her rising trot difficult and Mickey unbalanced. She's too long in the leg for riding him to be comfortable and with a weak core to start with, she is struggling.

Mickey is also a bit of a twat. If his rider is annoying him, he bucks. He's really more an intermediate horse than beginner. He's sweet natured but easily annoyed by an unsteady leg.

Today has mostly been teaching her to sit a buck, with limited success as Mickey is nothing if not persistent. She is not enjoying him at all.

Are we really unreasonable to tell this woman bluntly at pickup to either wind her neck in and leave the horse choosing to us or find somewhere else to ride?

I feel awful for S as she's a lovely kid and clearly mortified by her mums behaviour.

It's not unprofessional at all.

It's very clear from OPs posts that they take the children's safety & the horses wellbeing very seriously, they also have a higher weight limit than any near me (12 stone max for beginners) and the pony camps which offer far more than the standard lesson/hack. I think it's a great advert for the stables.

I feel sorry for the dd in this, she obviously cares about horses and wants to learn to ride but has had her pony camp experience messed up by her mum’s meddling. Then when you inevitably part company poor S will be told “we tried horse riding but it didn’t work out because they couldn’t keep you safe”
Perhaps that’s why the owner keeps trying to appease mum?

You sound like a really lovely stables and have gone above and beyond for this family so I hope somebody manages to talk sense into mum re the need for S to have a suitably sized horse and why this is actually a safer option for her.

PS, please do let us know if you write a pony book Op, I’d read it 😆

I think you need to emphasise to manager and mum that your professional expertise and reputation is on the line, and that's why you won't continue to allow her to ride a horse that's wrong for her. The wrong horse puts her safety at risk, an you can't be expected to suspend your professional opinion to keep an uneducated woman happy, even if she is S's mum. Like some said, kindly communicate that accepting your professional judgement is a condition of continuing with the club, and offer a refund if that's what she'd prefer.

Fingers crossed for you. It's not fair on you, the girl or the horses to be put in this situation.

I don't know anything about horses but I really love reading your posts. The way you describe the relationship between the horses and the students is so poetic. You should write a novel about horses. I would love to read it. If you ever do please be sure to let us know.

Are you a BHS qualified instructor or what teaching qualifications do you have? I think its hugely unprofessional to allow a child to ride a pony you know is unsuitable for her level of ability and allow her to fall off 4 times in one lesson. You say straight out the only horse we have to accommodate her ability, weight and height is 'x'. There is no negotiation.

That being said any decent 14.2 cob would easily carry the same weight (and more) than a dainty Tb so if you don't have a quiet cob pony suitable for a beginner it seems like a very limited selection of horses.

Ive already answered all this but I'll give you cliff notes.

We have several quiet cobs and also several students. Each of them was assigned a horse. We are fully booked. No cob unclaimed.

Child is tall. Too tall really for said cobs and was assigned a small horse who fit her perfectly. Mother does not like her because she isn't a pony. Insisted we try her daughter on any pony we had. We allowed her to try and she is overponied. Therefore, she rides the horse we chose or not at all.

I have already said repeatedly that I am not the instructor. I lead hacks, teach the kids groundwork, supervise grooming and run with or lunge the beginners learning to trot. We have an instructor supervising school work and doing the actual teaching. It's not my decision whether we let her try a pony or not.

Your have been entirely reasonable and your message was great.

I got bucked off enough mardy ponies when I rode as a tween to know that smaller is definitely not safer. Was literally telling my DF yesterday when we took the kids to see the horses at the riding school with them that I generally follow the same rule with dogs and horses: big ones are often gentle giants and it's the little buggers you've got to watch out for.

You should have spoken to the mum and followed your own policies the first time. This is entirely your own doing, you're being a martyr for no reason. Why have weight limits if you don't follow them?
It's like you enjoy the drama from this.

God what a nightmare. I work in a riding school and some parents are so unreasonable. They either think that their darling child should be progressing quicker than they are or should have ‘better’ horses to ride. This is usually when the kids are bobbling about on the kindest riding school ponies. We have other kids who are only happy riding specific ponies, they have a face like a slapped bum if they are put on a pony they don’t like. They don’t understand that riding all different horses is what makes you a better rider.

They did follow them. Micky the cob can take 13 stone and was the only option below 15hh (mim foolishly believes ponies are safer because they’re smaller). Unfortunately it sound likd he doesn’t take up the leg well (child is tall) and he’s a knobhead - so choked over-ponies and unable to balance with the longer leg issue as she had a weak core on top of being a novice. Stables tried to accommodate unreasonabld mim demands without overloading the animal.

‘Smaller doesn’t mean safer’

this in spades.

I remember being put on this tiny pony (that frankly I was too big for in height and weight I suspect), legs around his belly, I looked ridiculous. And he was a complete little shit. Bucking, napping at the gate, bolting, upsetting the other horses.

thankfully because I was too big for him he couldn’t get me off and it was quite funny to a teen with little fear but honestly I’d rather have been on a bigger horse that behaved regardless!

We are sticking to our weight limits. Not sure where you think we haven't? Mickey was fine weightwise, he's just a shortarse. We did speak to the mum the first time. And the second. And now we're speaking to her a third time.

The drama I could do without but as anyone who has worked with kids and animals will know, sometimes its a case of strangle someone or tell it as a funny anecdote. You've got to have a sense of humour in these situations.

This.

How do you stand with your insurers if you knowingly put her on a horse that's too small?

Didn't you post on the first thread that the girl was heavier than allowed for the class, or am I mistaken?

One word: Shetland

Mickey is also a bit of a twat, that made me laugh. 😂🤣

Annoying mothers who think they know best 🙄 tell her to reign it in (pun intended 😁) you.know what's best for her.

Too heavy for any of the ponies we had available then. Mickey's owners daughter was riding him at that time. They're away this week so he's earning his keep in the school. He was somewhat of a lets-give-him-a-go idea.

This is the issue, when you're fully booked, moving things around last minute is a pita.

Also answers to Shitland

😂

What a twat.
yes, be directorial so that if she disagrees
she’ll feel like a imbecile. Why do twats like this ruin things ?

This - minus the refund. She sounds insufferable!

Since mum is such an expert, I'm unsure why she's sending her? Can she not teach her child?

I think you say:
"Your child needs a horse that is "A" height compared to them because this is safer for them because of "reason 1" and for the horse because of "reason 2". Given your child is "B" height, this means their horse must be between "C" and "D" height. The horse we have within this range is "name" who is "height". If you are not happy with this, you need to find a alternative riding stable which is able to offer a different size horse."

I'm always intrigued by people with professional knowledge and expertise who offer a service feeling like they have to kow tow to bolshy clients/customers. Do you have a personal history that makes it difficult to assert yourself? I'm not without history myself and ran an animal based business but I would never compromise the safety and welfare of any one in contact with the animals or the animals themselves because of a stroppy customer/client. I'm not trying to be a smart ass but I think you and the business owner need to firm up your boundaries. You don't need clients like this. You're not responsible for the happiness of the child if the parent is being an arse.