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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I'm literally ready to scream. Girl with irritating mother pt 2

169 replies

Balloonhearts · 27/07/2025 16:03

No, this time I really am going to drown myself in the rain butt. Unsupervised minors be damned.

Link to previous thread for those who don't know what I'm ranting about. www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5359192-really-irritated-with-this-girls-mother?latest=1

So Summer riding club started yesterday. Girl from previous thread is enrolled and in my group.

Firstly her mother has signed her up AGAIN with the wrong weight on her form. And a note in the Need to Know section saying 'No large horses.' Obviously we realised and assigned her the correct size horse for her height, weight and experience. They got on swimmingly, Carol (The horse) is very sweet and biddable and excellent with beginners.

Mum came to get her yesterday and did her nut.

Now admittedly Carol does have quite a fast extended trot, which the girl, I'll call her S, was rising beautifully to. It's easier when going faster. More impulsion, means a bigger upwards assist and she has pretty much cracked her rising trot yesterday. She was happy, beaming and full of confidence. Not unhappy with her assigned mount in the least.

Anyway, mum went off on one about having requested no large horses and her wishes being ignored. First of all Carol isn't large. She is a 15.3 Thoroughbred with quite a dainty build. Not big or intimidating at all.

Mum insisted on a smaller horse today. This is difficult because S is both tall and heavy. Most of the ponies can carry a max of 10 stone and, again, we need to reshuffle riders to accommodate this.

The only one small enough to accommodate her is a 14hh cob called Mickey. He can carry her but neither of them are particularly comfortable. She has her stirrups hiked up to be able to apply aids correctly. This is throwing off her centre of balance and making her rising trot difficult and Mickey unbalanced. She's too long in the leg for riding him to be comfortable and with a weak core to start with, she is struggling.

Mickey is also a bit of a twat. If his rider is annoying him, he bucks. He's really more an intermediate horse than beginner. He's sweet natured but easily annoyed by an unsteady leg.

Today has mostly been teaching her to sit a buck, with limited success as Mickey is nothing if not persistent. She is not enjoying him at all.

Are we really unreasonable to tell this woman bluntly at pickup to either wind her neck in and leave the horse choosing to us or find somewhere else to ride?

I feel awful for S as she's a lovely kid and clearly mortified by her mums behaviour.

OP posts:
myplace · 27/07/2025 16:07

I think you are going to have to.

You are going to have to tell her that you know the horses, you know the child, and that Carole is the best mount for her. That she isn’t advance enough for Mickey who is an experienced ride, and is stopping her from progressing.

That on Carole she has the chance to progress really fast as they are so well suited.

Make it sound like She’s lucky to get Carole, and has real talent and potential of given the opportunity on an appropriate horse.

myplace · 27/07/2025 16:08

If the mother is making bad calls like this, then she doesn’t understand horse stuff. So use that to help you!

Doppe · 27/07/2025 16:10

Definitely not unreasonable to “tell this woman bluntly at pickup to either wind her neck in and leave the horse choosing to us or find somewhere else to ride?” You are the knowledgeable one in this scenario; if you think Carol is a more suitable mount than Micky and have tried to explain this to the mother, that should be enough!

QuantumLevelActions · 27/07/2025 16:12

Doppe · 27/07/2025 16:10

Definitely not unreasonable to “tell this woman bluntly at pickup to either wind her neck in and leave the horse choosing to us or find somewhere else to ride?” You are the knowledgeable one in this scenario; if you think Carol is a more suitable mount than Micky and have tried to explain this to the mother, that should be enough!

I agree.

She either trusts your knowledge and judgment or goes elsewhere.

romdowa · 27/07/2025 16:12

Yes you need to tell her that due to her child's height , weight and level of experience that carol is the best fit. If that doesn't suit then I'd offer a refund and say that it's Clear your riding club isn't a good fit

MounjaroMounjaro · 27/07/2025 16:12

Why don't you have a set of scales and a measuring stick which has to be used for anyone riding a horse so that a neutral decision can be made? I wouldn't trust anyone to put down the correct weight.

Original poster
Balloonhearts · 27/07/2025 16:13

She's just completely stuck on their height. She looks ridiculous on Mickey with her bloody knees up around her elbows.

I get what she's saying about further to fall but realistically, she's come off Mickey 4 times today. She hasn't fallen off Carol once! And if she did, it would probably be a case of just going out the side door on a corner, not being launched into the fence at high velocity.

OP posts:
Original poster
Balloonhearts · 27/07/2025 16:14

MounjaroMounjaro · 27/07/2025 16:12

Why don't you have a set of scales and a measuring stick which has to be used for anyone riding a horse so that a neutral decision can be made? I wouldn't trust anyone to put down the correct weight.

We do. How do you think we found out it was wrong?

OP posts:
SriouslyWhutNow · 27/07/2025 16:14

OMG she's at it again! YANBU, I think you need to tell her to butt out or find somewhere else to ride. Life is too short, as sweet as the girl is!

JumpingPumpkin · 27/07/2025 16:16

Balloonhearts · 27/07/2025 16:13

She's just completely stuck on their height. She looks ridiculous on Mickey with her bloody knees up around her elbows.

I get what she's saying about further to fall but realistically, she's come off Mickey 4 times today. She hasn't fallen off Carol once! And if she did, it would probably be a case of just going out the side door on a corner, not being launched into the fence at high velocity.

Blimey. You definitely need to have a blunt conversation. Give your professional opinion and reasons.

myplace · 27/07/2025 16:17

Can you blow smoke up her arse about what a great little rider the girl could be, with a great affinity for ponies, and the ability to ride a mount that suits her height, despite her age.

mightbetheone · 27/07/2025 16:17

Please tell this insufferable woman where to go. Does she have any idea of the problems she caused last time? I get it’s a sensitive issue but I would tell her straight to be honest, out of earshot of the dd of course.

AbzMoz · 27/07/2025 16:17

Either this mother trusts you, the experts, to know what’s best for the riders and horses, or she doesn’t… If she doesn’t, she can find a different riding school for her child.

Original poster
Balloonhearts · 27/07/2025 16:17

I get that her mum is fearful of horses. And she is, won't go anywhere near them but smaller doesn't mean safer. We've tried to ease her worries, we tried it her way with Mickey and its just not working out. She isn't steady enough in the leg and doesn't have the core strength to stabilise herself on a too small pony with a very choppy trot.

OP posts:
littlemissprosseco · 27/07/2025 16:17

“ I’m sorry but we can’t offer your daughter the level of support/ service you require. The stables up the road however will have no problem……”

TheCurious0range · 27/07/2025 16:18

You just need to pull her aside away from the child and say you keep putting incorrect numbers on her forms. We have allocated her a horse that is the correct size for her height and weight. She made great progress on carol and enjoyed herself, she's come off 4 times today because the horse isn't the right size for her. If she continues to attend she will have the horse we allocate, I am happy to refund you for the rest of the lessons, but it would be a real shame because S had a really good time riding carol

outerspacepotato · 27/07/2025 16:18

You have to tell her.

It will be worse if Mickey bucks her off and trots off like he's accomplished his feat of the day. I feel like I know Mickey.

Linenpickle · 27/07/2025 16:19

Sorry but you need to be more assertive and stop pandering to the mum who clearly does not understand the implications.

U53rn8m3ch8ng3 · 27/07/2025 16:20

I wouldn't be putting up with this. You know best how to match rider and horse. By the sounds of it mum knows shit all. So either she is paying for your professional tuition and provision of horse and she shuts up, or the daughter has to leave.

Original poster
Balloonhearts · 27/07/2025 16:22

TheCurious0range · 27/07/2025 16:18

You just need to pull her aside away from the child and say you keep putting incorrect numbers on her forms. We have allocated her a horse that is the correct size for her height and weight. She made great progress on carol and enjoyed herself, she's come off 4 times today because the horse isn't the right size for her. If she continues to attend she will have the horse we allocate, I am happy to refund you for the rest of the lessons, but it would be a real shame because S had a really good time riding carol

Edited

I think this is good wording. If it was up to me, it would have been a flat no but owner decided to try and accommodate her. I've told her it's not working with Mickey.

OP posts:
Veryvulture · 27/07/2025 16:25

Balloonhearts · 27/07/2025 16:17

I get that her mum is fearful of horses. And she is, won't go anywhere near them but smaller doesn't mean safer. We've tried to ease her worries, we tried it her way with Mickey and its just not working out. She isn't steady enough in the leg and doesn't have the core strength to stabilise herself on a too small pony with a very choppy trot.

Tell this crazy woman to keep her nose out of something she clearly knows f all about, or go to a different riding school.

Shes delusional if she thinks size has anything to do with safety, tell her by insisting, she’s putting her child at risk, and hindering her progress.

Ukholidaysaregreat · 27/07/2025 16:26

It's a Health and safety issue. The mother does not know what is best and you do. I would put the child on Carol (great horse name btw) and if not they will have to leave.

BellaVita · 27/07/2025 16:27

Blimey, I feel really cross on your behalf. Please get the mother told.

BogRollBOGOF · 27/07/2025 16:35

With an activity I run, we've had a couple of problem parents where we've basically had to say "this is the way we run things; if you do not like it, we may not be the organisation for you"

The children were fine, but the parents' expectations were totally unrealistic with attitude on top.

We'd rather free the space up for low maintainence families!

Bluevelvetsofa · 27/07/2025 16:38

What does the girl say? She’s the one riding the horse. I’d bet that she’ll say she wants to ride Carol.