Gave cpr. Not heard anything from the victim. Is it ok to feel a little sad?

[Rizzlekicks123]

Never posted before but was hoping for either some moral support.

I gave cpr recently to a neighbour (who I don't know but who mutual friends do). I am not a medic and havent had formal training. Just online reading. The woman lived and is going to be ok (thank goodness). The thing that is upsetting me is that she hasn't reached out despite knowing how to find me. She owes me nothing and I'd do the same again if I was faced with it, but I feel so sad that the trauma I experienced has not been acknowledged. I dont want anything other than a "are you ok" It was so stressful. Aibu?

You must have done fucking good quality CPR for her to have not only survived, but made it back to up and about. Amazingly well done to you. But what you need to remember is that however traumatised you feel, and I absolutely believe that you do, she has experienced even more trauma. I doubt that she currently has the psychological bandwidth to reach out to you. Speak to us about it, or one of the organisations mentioned above. A debrief could do you the world of good. But don't put any expectations on her. Trying to recover from having been effectively dead is an enormous mountain for her to climb, physically and mentally. But so well done for giving her the chance to be alive at all.

Well done for being able to perform CPR. It’s possible your neighbour has ongoing problems following her heart problem and is not yet well enough to know the circumstances. You did well but look after yourself as you also have had a huge shock that will have had an impact on you. Performing CPR has a lasting impact on health professionals never mind being a neighbour who is not a medic. Be kind to yourself.

Yes, so would I.

But to receive CPR you are unconscious and not breathing, not maintaining eye contact with whoever is giving chest compressions. So she will not know who helped save her life until someone tells her. If they knew who op is.

Some really harsh replies here. Other people really don’t realise just how traumatic it can be having to do cpr. Health professionals have regular debriefs to improve ways to deal with future situations and continue learning/developing response methods. It is also an important part of the duty of care to staff due to the trauma of being in these situations. Trained professionals who do it for a living require a community around them to survive. Being an individual dealing with it alone is not something that should be brushed under the carpet. We all know ptsd is real.
There are several resources available. Please look some up and contact for help. The sooner the better. You need to process this properly please. You shouldn’t suffer due to doing a good dead ❤️

https://www.google.com/search?q=support+for+people+who+gave+CPR&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8&hl=en-gb&client=safari

I performed old school Holger Neilsen on an 89 year old neighbour two years ago, and thanks to that he made it - he's said thanks, but didn't need to.

Kindly maybe the woman is thinking ‘that neighbour, she gave CPR to me but hasn’t visited me since to see how I’m doing’. Maybe just knock on her door?

also maybe don’t call them a victim. Maybe patient is better?!

I've never forgotten the people who. got me and my brother out of our upturned car. It was decades ago, but it was traumatic, as we were trapped and terrified that it was about to burst into flames.

As they shot out of a house to help us, we knew where they lived. And once we were released from hospital, we sent a card and flowers to the address.
If I was back at home and out and about like this neighbour, I really can't imagine not finding the person who saved me.

What OP did really wasn't comparable to a paramedic dealing with similar. It was out of the blue, she had no training, it wasn't her job and she didn't have a support system and planned professional debriefing.

I hope you can contact one of the organisations in the links @70isaLimitNotaTarget . It looks like they're set up to help you.

My uncle once rescued an entire family from a house fire. Afterwards, they used to see him around the village most days for decades and actively avoided him every single time. No one else talked about the incident either, my uncle included. I suppose that’s what trauma and mutual embarrassment can do to people.

You did an incredible thing, OP, but don’t be surprised if it is never mentioned again.

Does she even know it was you who gave her CPR? If no one told her, she may still have no idea at all.

My son had a cardiac arrest almost 17 months ago, he was already in hospital when it happened but only on an assessment ward. We were told gastroenteritis but it actually turned out he had septic shock caused by a bowel obstruction so went into multi organ failure. He was gone for 20 minutes and it was one of the scariest moments of my life.

He was in hospital for 10 months and we were told he probably wasn't going to make it several times. After his cardiac arrest, he was transferred to the hospital he was in for 10 months and soon after was also diagnosed with cancer so thinking about those involved with his cardiac arrest was honestly the last thing on my mind.

The hospital had a serious investigation review which happens when a child has a sudden cardiac arrest without a known cause. It took a very long time and I only received the report recently which included that some of the staff involved with his cardiac arrest struggled afterwards and needed extra support and that is when I started thinking about the other hospital and those involved right at the start.

All that to say is that she has her own trauma to deal with, not to mention dealing with other potential medical issues that at this point, especially just 8 weeks later, it may be the last thing on her mind.

I'll be returning to the first hospital my son was at in a few weeks to say thank you to some of the people who were involved with his cardiac arrest and for them to meet my son. My son is now in remission and doing well, the mental scars are healing and time has helped. 8 weeks is no time at all.

Give it time. If she knows, she still may come to you eventually.

Please don’t feel that it wasn’t appreciated. Someone helped me in a very difficult moment once; I have never forgotten it, but I had so much else to process that I just couldn’t/didn’t say thank you properly at the time. I emailed her much later to tell her how grateful I was, but it did take a long time. It was never that I didn’t care or wasn’t truly thankful for her kindness.

I actually think that this post is most unfair, without the OP, the chances are this woman WOULD have died, so while I can see that she may, for any number of reasons, not yet be in a position to thank the OP, I definitely don't think the OP is being unreasonable to expect thanks at some point.

OP, does this lady have any family, if so, I would have expected them to find you and thank you.

However, in your shoes, assuming the lady is back at home now, I would go round and check in with her to see how she's doing, as this will obviously give her the opportunity to give you the thanks that you are due.

It's also worth mentioning even if she looks fine there may be some brain damage. Exec function impairment, personality changes, memory difficulties. She is not going to knock on your door and share all this stuff with you, but she really is the wrong person to be expecting anything from.

My mum is only in her 70s but is scared stiff of being resuscitated after she has seen friends' cognitive function being so impacted.

Hi @Rizzlekicks123

A huge well done from me. What you did was amazing, especially with no proper training. I've never been in this situation myself, but I know two other people who have done similar, without such a happy outcome, and they were both really traumatised, and both would really appreciated it if there had been a professional who had contacted them to talk it all through. Not for thanks for trying their best but for processing.

Having said that, I am just putting myself in the shoes of your neighbour. If I knew how traumatised you felt, I would feel awful, and I think it would be an unfair burden to place on them, given what they have been through, and are likely continuing to deal with. Sharing this with the person might undo the good that you did ...

We all need that validation, however, and it really sounds like you need to process it properly as this could turn into PTSD for you too. I don't know any helplines but if you feel able to contact one of the ones suggested or even your GP to be referred for some counselling, I think it would help you. It's just your neighbour is the wrong person to expect this from. You have both endured a terrible trauma.

You are an amazing human being. You saved another human's life. Be so proud of yourself and be kind to you. xxx

🌻

OP wants the woman she did CPR on to check that she is ok.

OP needs to seek support from other people, and not the lady she helped.

Paramedics don't expect the people they helped to ask if they are ok.

Thanks all. I will send a card to the lady and let her know I'm thinking of her. And whatever happens next....what will be will be. Genuinely appreciate the comments. I was not expecting to ever have to do it or for it to impact me the way it has so believe me, I would rather not be in this situation! But I am very grateful she is 'ok' and that I did my bit. Logging off now. Good night.

i gave my dad CPR. I did it with every ounce of my being, broke his ribs, was dripping sweat by the end of it and yet he still died. I kept him alive long enough for the paramedics to take over and they got him to hospital where he died in resus.

i know you mean well in your first sentence but it’s like a dagger to the heart when you did give “fucking good quality” CPR and they died anyway.

i appreciate I’m being nit picky but the trauma of someone dying after you’ve battled to save their life is absolutely horrifying.

I've given CPR twice, I've not expected a thankyou or to be checked in on

I wouldn't be saying 'oh by the way it was me that saved your life' or words to that effect

Its as if you want recognition for something that most, if not all people would just do and then just carry on with their lives. Talk to someone to offload if needed but ultimately this isn't about you

I apologise if it came over that way to you. Most people who receive even the most excellent CPR do not get return of circulation, let alone survive to make it out of hospital. I did not mean for a moment to imply that people who didn't make it must have had less good CPR, I merely wanted to reassure the OP. My condolences for your loss.

I'm really sorry. That must have been heartbreaking.

Well done OP. I have been in a similar situation (more than once unfortunately) with experience of a good and not-so-good outcome.

I completely understand your feelings.
One of the people can’t remember anything but I felt I made them feel worse - they didn’t want to be the cause of my trauma. So that still didn’t bring me ‘closure’. It’s very complicated and delicate for both parties - I would be led by her.

What helped was EMDR. Your feelings are on a loop and you can’t process it properly. It releases that loop.

Also what helped is me is raising awareness about toilet design (!) and how the floor-to-door gaps can help someone who has collapsed get attention they need quickly to save their life.

You need to talk about it - the GP may be able to get you talking therapy and maybe even EMDR.

Yeah...I probably wrote it badly. Thata not what I want. I guess I was just expecting some sort of contact from someone in their family. Probably unreasonably.

It's too late to send a card.

It's been 8 weeks, it may come across as though you're fishing for thanks.

Just leave her be now and think how lucky she was that even trained first aiders have a less than 1 in 10 success rate after they've given CPR, let alone someone who just looked it up online.

You should both be thankful it worked.

Well. That's a bit selfish. For all you know the person you gave CPR to has absolutely zero recollection of who helped them - and no one has told them. They may also be utterly traumatized. The thought of even thinking about that event might be completely terrifying for them.
Surely all you need to know here is that you helped?!? Why do you need to be thanked for doing something that a good person should do? The payoff is that the lady is alive. Why isn't that good enough for you?

If you're having trouble with trauma yourself then get a therapist and talk to a professional about it - talking to the poor soul who needed CPR isn't going to do anything - if they needed CPR they were unconscious and hadn't got a clue what was going on.

Please just leave her alone. If she wants to talk to you about her horrifying trauma, she knows where you are. She nearly died. If you are experiencing trauma the very last person you should be asking to make you feel better is the person who nearly died.