Gave cpr. Not heard anything from the victim. Is it ok to feel a little sad?

[Rizzlekicks123]

Never posted before but was hoping for either some moral support.

I gave cpr recently to a neighbour (who I don't know but who mutual friends do). I am not a medic and havent had formal training. Just online reading. The woman lived and is going to be ok (thank goodness). The thing that is upsetting me is that she hasn't reached out despite knowing how to find me. She owes me nothing and I'd do the same again if I was faced with it, but I feel so sad that the trauma I experienced has not been acknowledged. I dont want anything other than a "are you ok" It was so stressful. Aibu?

Well done to you! You saved a life and it IS traumatic. You did a wonderful thing. I think your feelings are totally understandable and borne out of the intense situation you found yourself in. You may not get contacted by the person for a whole body of reasons - however, I applaud you x

Jesus fucking Christ.

Guilt trip her? You can't be serious?

DP has had to intervene to save lives twice; once CPR on a stranger until paramedics arrived -he never heard what happened afterwards- and once preventing someone from coming to harm in a sustained assault with a lethal weapon (not too much detail as was in papers). The person he shielded did reach out 12 months after the attack, in part because that's how long it took from arrest to sentencing and victim support released DP's details, but also, as the person explained, the whole incident had felt very raw and traumatic for a long time, and the thought of connecting in person with DP had felt too much, despite the person feeling grateful etc. I think previous posters have got this right, OP, it is probably too soon and too raw for your neighbour to connect with you, but it doesn't mean they don't feel immensely thankful. Well done you!

My sister had to keep mum going by cpr last year. We are barely talk about it. My mum
ended up in cpu for months it’s was awful. I actually don’t think we have the words to express how awful it was. I’m so sorry that happened to you - I’d go a speak to them as they maybe can’t yet talk to you. But well done. You’re a hero xx

OP hope this thread has helped you understand why it would be dreadful behaviour to contact a person who almost died in the hope that they will thank you and make you feel better.

If you need trauma therapy, see a therapist, not the woman who nearly died.

Don't sent a card 8 weeks later.

You are making this about you. It sounds like you need to get some counselling.

Not this!
If I knew someone had saved me through CPR, I'd be seeking them out to say thank you as soon as I was able.
This is a huge and unselfish thing carried out by a stranger who could just have walked on by. It would have been at some emotional cost to them also., quite possibly. Of course that should be recognised

In what scheme of moral obligation does someone not owe something to the person who saved their life?

(I’m not being snide, I’m actually curious why saving someone’s life would not count to create an obligation, when very many much lesser things presumably would. Especially as the obligation being proposed by the OP is only an acknowledgment).

No, you wouldn't. Or perhaps you would. The actual reality is you haven't the faintest idea how anyone feels when they've nearly died and had CPR, and of course it is entirely up to the person who nearly died and CPR to act in whatever way they see fit.

It is a well recognised fact that nearly dying and having CPR is EXTREMELY traumatic and it is not in any way the OPs decision or anybody else's decision how the person deals with that.

Telling a person who nearly died to reframe their trauma and worry about other people is a bizarre and entirely selfish way to look at the situation.

The OP should leave the person in peace to deal with their trauma and if the OP needs trauma counselling, seek it, not expect the person who nearly died to give it to her. The person who nearly died may, or may not contact her in future, and that is entirely up to them.

What schemes of moral obligations have you invented? Do we have a list from which we are allowed to choose?

The only possible way this could be seen as a moral obligation is if the person who was dying had asked for help and was given it. Even then it would be a very self involved and clueless person who'd prompt them later for a thank you.

The OP wants the traumatised person who nearly died to ask how she, the OP, is doing.

The OP may well have trauma but it is not the person who almost died's job to help her with that. The OP needs to see a trauma therapist and leave the person who nearly died alone.

I agree with this. Of course she owes op a bloody thank you. Why do people make everything so complex these days?

@ohnotthisagain2025

What schemes of moral obligations have you invented? Do we have a list from which we are allowed to choose?

That’s a rather odd and confrontational way to start. There are lots of different moral principles people apply, and I was curious about the PPs.

The only possible way this could be seen as a moral obligation is if the person who was dying had asked for help and was given it.

This is interesting. Do you recognise any obligations that are created other than by someone requesting something? (This feels a bit like the teenage “I didn’t ask to be born” view of obligations, but maybe there something more sophisticated there).

She almost died, infact if she genuinely required CPR then she did die for a bit, it's likely she's also got serious physical trauma from the CPR itself. But you expect this woman who almost died to reach out and thank you? Dyou not think maybe she's a bit busy recovering from almost dying? Very strange things to centre yourself in that

You want the family who are supporting someone who almost died to take time out from supporting that person and f on their own shock and trauma to check you're ok because you helped? The mindset is bizarre to me.

Yes, exactly this!

Would you? Or would you maybe be sidetracked by the almost dying and dealing with whatever health problems had led to the almost dying?

I get you OP, its traumatic and you probably feel you'll get some kind of closure seeing the person again. We have no idea of the situation so I wouldn't dwell on it. But thank God for quick thinking, caring people like you 💗

This. I've been helped by people where someone did die, and I'll be forever grateful to them. So much followed that I didn't get a chance to say thank you, but it didn't mean I wasn't grateful. It was the worst time of my life@WTF99

I'm sure they are eternally grateful, just because they haven't made contact (who says they even know how to), doesn't mean anything.

Exactly this. She still may be very unwell. I have done CPR and it is traumatic.

Yanbu to feel a bit miffed as that's an understandable human emotion.

But I think you have to leave it there

She may be coping with what happened by trying not to think about it. She may not know what to say. She may have worried she left it too late. You can't know what she is dealing with and why. Take the fact she is out and living life as the real thank you

I rescued a stranger who was being attacked, at some risk to myself. I did it because it felt like the right thing to do in that moment. I didn't do it for the thank you or the plaudits and I am sure that was the same when you started CPR

I understand the op completely

I gave CPR to a 2 year old when i was a nursery worker. I never once got a thank you or even a smile when i saw his parents, Every week day for the next 3 years that he was still at my nursery

Before any of you do the same as you have to the OP
Its not about me
Ofcourse my priority was the toddler and thank goodness he survived that day
But still a weird feeling that neither parent said a word to me

She really may be too traumatised or be unaware if exactly what happened and who helped her.

I resuscitate people for a living - contrary to a post above we manage so many cardiac arrests and similar life threatening evens that we now only debrief paediatric arrests in my workplace because otherwise we’d be in debrief all day/night - and only a small number of the people we do get back to a point they can go home come to meet us. I think it’s more normal than not to either want to just move on and process it yourself or to be unaware of who saved your life. Don’t take it to heart. And do reach out to someone support you, it’s a traumatising event for you also.

I would have thought you were going to say you wanted to know she was OK. She might be getting around but it's she OK. Knowing that should be thanks enough. Get in touch if you want to check in on her but don't expect active thank you.