Gave cpr. Not heard anything from the victim. Is it ok to feel a little sad?

[Rizzlekicks123]

Never posted before but was hoping for either some moral support.

I gave cpr recently to a neighbour (who I don't know but who mutual friends do). I am not a medic and havent had formal training. Just online reading. The woman lived and is going to be ok (thank goodness). The thing that is upsetting me is that she hasn't reached out despite knowing how to find me. She owes me nothing and I'd do the same again if I was faced with it, but I feel so sad that the trauma I experienced has not been acknowledged. I dont want anything other than a "are you ok" It was so stressful. Aibu?

It’s traumatic, risky and takes a huge amount of be bravery if you’re not a professional. It’s not about thanks but processing.

Didn’t say that as is abundantly clear but hey you keep twisting 🙄

I don't think this is really about thank yous. I think closure is what you need.

We do someone a favour and they say thanks. Someone does us a favour and we say thanks. The matter is then concluded.

Without contact, OP is left hanging. This wasn't a simple favour like lending someone a fiver or looking after a DC for an hour. It was a very traumatic thing to have to do.

I suspect the event is playing on OP's mind a lot and she needs/wants to box it up and conclude things.

When the dust dies down it is the right thing to do unless we want the general public to back off and not do anything in these situations.

This is what you said. How am I twisting it. It’s exactly what you meant.

Processing it is for him to deal with though, possibly with support from his own family and outside agencies. Several have been mentioned on this thread.
But not from the person he did CPR or on or their family.

Paramedics (or anyone in emergency services) do not expect thanks or anything from the people they help. It is no different for members of the public.

Because I never said it was from wanting them to be grateful enough( as you’re conveniently now leaving out). It’s about processing as I’ve said multiple times.

Let's remember that paramedics are generally given the appropriate support and they also have each other. They are trained in how to deal with these things mentally. The average lay person is not.

You said he was questioning whether or not he would do it again before he was thanked by the family.

That is not processing. That is expecting thanks.

If he wants to process what happened, then he needs to speak to someone that is not the patient or their family. Again, plenty or organisations mentioned on this thread.

Professionals are completely different, they choose to do it, are the right people
to do it, do it regularly and are throughly trained for one thing. A brief work course several years prior to staying alive isn’t the same.

And no sorry I think those that are saved have a part to play. I couldn’t imagine not reaching out to be frank and I’ve in that position.

I know... but several people have mentioned organisations that can help with laypeople who have had to do CPR etc.

All some of us is trying to say is that trying to get that support from the person they gave CPR to (or that person's family) is not the way to go about things.

Good deeds are not bound by strings or conditions. You let go as soon as it is done.

And as several people have pointed out, processing can be helped by various services on offer. Expectation of support from the person you have helped is unreasonable - there are numerous reasons why they wouldn’t want to - even if they actually knew who had helped them. It’s more about validation than processing. You know it and so do I.

And several people on this thread have also been in that position, and many years later are still traumatised by the whole event. They have not been able to reach out to thank anyone... and they should not feel pressured to do so.

I think it's fine to be sad not to have a bit of acknowledgement from the person or their family, but this can be a really complex trauma, so don't take it personally. My brother's FIL collapsed, my DB (who is CPR trained through work) raced round to the house and performed CPR until the ambulance arrived 15 minutes later to defibrillate him. The FIL was in hospital for months, it was so touch and go for him and they did not know if he would make a full recovery. The FIL is apparently very embarrassed about "the whole incident" and has never been able to speak about it to DB (although he has mentioned it to family).The whole family feel hugely indebted to him, he literally saved his life, but they are not the type to talk about it.

If the good deed was helping out at the church jumble sale or feeding next door's cat whilst they are on holiday then yes, you absolutely do put these things out of your mind when they are over. They aren't traumatic things though and are easy to dismiss. A life or death situation is different though.

I said
”He was questioning if he’d do it again before he was approached by the family.”

The thanks that was a small
part of the reaching out was neither here nor there.

In your option. In my opinion I think it’s important.

Yes, so get support for it. But not from the people you saved.

This. "I want a pat on the back from the person I saved" basically.
Accept the ones from those close to you and move on.

I don't... because that is not why you try to save a life.

Didn’t say it was. You don’t save a life to process it after🤔 however somebody being able to do it again and not left with trauma, guilt, worry is important-particularly when they’ve done it twice successfully.

People cope differently and also recover differently or not completely depending on the reason for the cardiac arrest or the cardiac arrest itself having lasting affects.

My son was diagnosed with cancer just a week after his cardiac arrest. I didn't have 2 minutes, life was chaotic for a very long time.

If some people would back off because they might not get a thank you when someone is dealing with their own trauma and potential medical issues then they aren't doing it for the right reason in the first place.

Actually I'd say most people who jump in to help another person in a situation like this are not focusing on their motives & whether they're carrying out a 'selfless act' or not.

They're responding, in haste, to an emergency that's unfolding in front of them.

It's not actually a selfless act, it's an act of empathy. It's a split second response.

I absolutely agree with @W11df10w3r's thoughts on this.

As I’ve repeatedly said it’s not about getting a thankyou. There are many reasons one might back off and not getting a thankyou isn’t one of them.

How are you doing @Rizzlekicks123? I was the paramedic who commented previously. It may help you to run through this with someone you know, maybe a friend who may be in the healthcare field?

Start at the beginning, when everything was fine. Go to the first point when you were alerted to what was going on. Talk about what you did first, how you felt when you started taking action. Talk about how you felt with those first chest compressions (the worst part usually - anyone who’s had to do this will know why). Talk about how you kept your pace with your compressions etc. I’m sure it felt like forever until the ambulance arrived vs the time it actually took. Things can feel like slow motion or incredibly fast paced due to the adrenaline running through you. When the ambulance arrived, they’d have started advance life support (ALS) and this can appear to be a lot of things going on at once. There is a lot going on, but realistically this is the most regimented call we will go on. Everyone has a task to perform, furniture gets chucked out the way and lots of kit gets brought out and used at the same time.

It can be difficult with “ROSC” jobs (ie the pulse comes back and the heart starts to beat normally) for the crew to come and talk to any bystanders. There is a lot to do for the patient after to stabilise them for transport. Whereas with arrests where the patient sadly dies, there is usually time for the paramedics to sit and run through various things with family/bystanders if they wish to find out more info. I feel it was less likely you were given much feedback/discussion time due to the crews stabilising the patient. So realistically there were probably a lot of unknowns you were left with hanging in the air. If there’s anything you’d like to ask, let me know and I’ll do my best to explain things and hopefully bring you some closure.

Lastly I just wanted to say it’s completely normal to still be thinking about this for some time. Other posters have given some really helpful resources to assist you with the aftermath and I’d encourage you to take a look. However if unwanted thoughts about this traumatic event go on for an extended period or are really bothering you, I highly recommend seeking out the Rewind technique through a therapist. It helps confront the issue (as opposed to offering coping mechanisms) and has helped me out a good few times after nasty jobs x

Hello @niftyprawn Thanks for checking in. Reading some of the comments had made me reflect on why I was wanting that connection with the victim. It is 100% not about being a 'look at me i saved you' but about closure. That transactional thing to help me 'move on' from a trauma the victim and I shared together(of course, worse for her). A previous poster reference this need for closure and it really resonated. I've thought a LOT about the event, how I reacted,the sounds/smells etc who else was there and the motions I went through. The worst part was definitely giving mouth to mouth but I won't dwell on that here. I will continue counselling and will check out rewind. You guys do a fantastic job. I am in awe of paramedics who do this day in day out.