Gave cpr. Not heard anything from the victim. Is it ok to feel a little sad?

[Rizzlekicks123]

Never posted before but was hoping for either some moral support.

I gave cpr recently to a neighbour (who I don't know but who mutual friends do). I am not a medic and havent had formal training. Just online reading. The woman lived and is going to be ok (thank goodness). The thing that is upsetting me is that she hasn't reached out despite knowing how to find me. She owes me nothing and I'd do the same again if I was faced with it, but I feel so sad that the trauma I experienced has not been acknowledged. I dont want anything other than a "are you ok" It was so stressful. Aibu?

Wow someone’s heart stopped and you have managed to make it all about you

I would just like to add that talking about it is a really important part of you processing it. Do talk about it, but to someone further removed, not to the patient herself.

Perhaps you could talk about it here OP?

When was this? How are you feeling?

I went through something nowhere near as traumatic as giving CPR, but still very shocking and I was the only person to respond to and help the victim.

I get it @OP. The victim speaking with the person who came to their aid, after the event, brings a kind of closure. It's ten days since the event I witnessed happened, and I still feel a bit wobbly. I do have the victims number, but I don't want to have to bother her to find out what happened after I left. But it would help me to draw a line under this.

So yes, given that your recent was now traumatic then mine, I get how you feel. Assuming that the neighbour is now home, I'd hope for at least a brief conversation to bring closure.

She's probably still reeling and probably still in a bit of pain. It's not easy on the body.

Probably better to get someone else to help you process it a bit.

Well done though. It's not an easy thing to do.

I think that’s unfair. OP saved a life and is feeling traumatised. Trauma responses aren’t rational and she’s sharing here, in a safe space.

To be fair, given that she saved the woman's life, a fair bit of it IS about OP.

Yes, but the woman who almost died is, naturally enough, more concerned about almost dying.

Please don't take this to heart, but speaking from experience, I had a few members of public give CPR and work horrendously hard on my 2yr old daughter and although I had all their names within a few days of it happening, it took me over 2yrs to contact them/meet up with them and give a heartfelt thank you. Not because I was selfish or didn't want to, but the emotional traumatic side of what happened was enough for it to take that long and for me to be ready to. So never think someone is doing it out of rudeness because I highly doubt that's the case.

I get that, but it’s important that she be realistic about her need to seek support for her understandable trauma from people other than someone who is certainly more traumatised than the OP, because of almost dying.

I'm surprised at the majority of responses here. I'm pretty sure that if someone had saved my life, I'd want to thank them as soon as I was lucid enough to do so.
I'm surprised that so many posters presumably don't feel that way, as they think the neighbour is reasonable in not having contacted, or got someone to get a message to, OP.

I think I can understand how strange it must be to have such an intimate and dramatic involvement with another in their moment of greatest crisis, and then for it to be all over, with no connection left. So I wouldn't dream of voting YABU.

But, kindly, I don't think there is any reason why this person should contact you. As others have said, the event will have been traumatising for her too, and she might feel quite strange and awkward about receiving this help.

Think of it as being like organ donation or blood donation, where anonymity is quite a beautiful and practical part of the transaction.

I also want to say that your experience and feelings are making me think of the Ian McEwan novel Enduring Love, where a moment of life and death crisis binds people together in ways that are emotionally overwhelming and destructive. Not saying that you are like that, but the story does turn on the rawness and strangeness of such an experience.

You might think that now but nearly dying is highly traumatic, can change you priorities and outlook and you can't be sure how you'd react

She may not know it was you.
She is probably traumatised herself.
She may still be very unwell.
She may not want to discuss it.
I was a nurse for many years, you dont give to recieve thanks or praise.
You do however need to look after yourself and if you're feeling genuinely traumatised please reach out to family/friends/counselling to help you process.
Genuinely well done for helping to save her life

You've done an amazing thing OP. Possibly one of the most important things any of us have done. I'm sure it was traumatic, but you got on and did what was needed when it was. You're amazing! The patient however I am sure hasn't even thought of you. And you know what? That makes it even more amazing what you did, as you did it selflessly.

Umm, she nearly died. I think expecting anything much from her right now is a bit unfair. I’m not sure she needs to acknowledge your ‘trauma’.
You did a good thing. Be proud and if necessary find someone to talk to, to help you process.

Blimey OP, that’s amazing. Are you medically trained? CPR is brutal and has a very poor success rate when carried out by members of the public. How long did you do it for and how recent was it? What did the ambulance crew say to you when they arrived?
she may not be ready so maybe she will speak to you at a later date.

It would be odd for her not to, but people are odd.

Are you going to come back and tell us how long ago this happened?

I mean it's pretty relevant really.

Hold your head high @Rizzlekicks123 you did the right thing and you don’t need to be thanked by her to know this 💙

For your neighbour to have needed CPR, she would have been unconscious at the time.

How does she know you gave her CPR?

If someone gave me CPR, I would get in touch to thank them, not ask if they were ok.
Also, CPR is massively damaging, the woman will be very ill for several weeks, I think.
I'm sure she will be in touch eventually. She's probably embarrassed, it's a horrific experience for everyone. Loss of dignity for the CPR-ee.

She may be alive OP but how "OK" is she?

Has anyone asked you if you are ok, OP?

I don’t think you can maybe expect too much from the resusitee but do you have anyone in your life to see how you’re doing?

I think your feelings are valid. And I think you need someone to look in on you. I just don’t think you can expect that from the person that you did cpr on.

Dunno about the rest of y'all, but I'd be thanking the person who memorised that Vinnie Jones advert and saved my life.

It's not like she even has to find her rescuer, it's her neighbour.

Even if she's not up to a 1:1, a card and flowers can't be that hard to arrange if you are not dead.

Save a life Scotland run a helpline for those who have provided bystander CPR, I’m sure they could speak to or sign post you to elsewhere if you are not in Scotland. They are open 9.30-4 Mon-Fri on 0808 801 0899.

I would call them, giving CPR is traumatic and it’s helpful to process this. I would say though that your neighbour actually did die, she was resuscitated and this can come with devastating outcomes even if she is home she may have suffered traumatic injury, have heart failure, have a hypoxic brain injury or she may just need time to process what has gone on.

well done, the survival rates for out of hospital cardiac rates are around 10% so it’s nothing short of amazing that you provided this help.