For saying Im not auto childcare because I don't have children?

[Trainfortwoplease]

Background - DH and I have been trying for a while with no success, apart from a recent first trimester miscarriage.

We have a trip planned with another 3 couples, which I've really been looking forward to. All other couples have children, ranging from 6 months > 3 years old. Its not our first trip, usually a mix of walks/Sunday lunches and bbqs. It will be the first trip since the latest couple had their first DC. All couples know DH and I are trying.

In the last few weeks there have been comments about how I'll have the job of being responsible and getting all the mums home from the pub, how DH and I can babysit all the kids and let the parents have a night off and I recently found out they are planning a trip for just the other 3 (like a Disneyland), but DH and I aren't invited because "that doesn't seem our thing". We weren't asked, just told.

Today there was another joke that on the upcoming trip I'll be watching the kids while the rest are at the pub. I replied on our group message with "ha ha, no thanks. I might have fertility issues but I still want to enjoy the trip with you all".

My friend has now messaged me separately, saying ive upset her husband (who i was responding too).

I have no plans to apologise, aibu?

You have a wonderful husband and marriage. I hope your other friends use the opportunity today to apologise and make this up to you.

Groups can be so toxic, so even at the end this might work out for the best. With two real friends rather than six rubbish ones.

I am sorry they have been so cruel and insensitive, staggering given what has happened. They must be very unhappy people. Love the way your dh stood up for you!

Hope it goes well with the Un-Greggs.

I'd bet he is not upset at all, but she is put out by the "change of plan", but rather than say so honestly, puts the onus on her poor DH, who may not even know about it.

Fuck that, I wouldn’t be going away with any of them. Life’s too short for that shit.

My friend rang me this week and asked me to move into their house (a hours drive away) for a week to mind their 4 dogs and 3 cats as their pet sitter is unwell, and it’s affecting their holiday plans. Never mind all of the things I have going on in my life including my husband, pets and job. If your childless your presumed default cover a lot of the time.

You did nothing wrong, her husband is an arse

This has reminded me of golden child brother who had NEVER invited my mother to his house. He suddenly rang mum and asked her if she was free over Christmas. She got all excited and said yes never mind that she always comes to me and she was casting me off without so much as a second thought 'O good' he said. 'I'm going away and I'd like you to come down here and cat sit for me'

Their kids are not your responsibility. Nobody has ever taken out kids. They've never bothered their arses asking and I wouldn't dream of asking them. People like this are dicks OP and usually the type whose mum and dad raise their kids more than they do anyway. I may just be a bit bitter but I'm a very ill person now and my husband and I could do with some help in some form now and again.

First I want to say how sorry I am for your miscarriage.
There are 6 adults altogether who have kids. Exactly which ones made the jokes about you being built in babysitters? Or who started it?
I am on your side OP. They are thoughtless CFs. Just because you don’t have children of your own yet doesn’t mean you want to spend with other peoples kids.
Finally, I wish you and your DH very best wishes as you are TTC 🌺

Well said, OP

Who on earth wants to go on holiday and look after other people’s kids?!
That is literally horrifying, cheeky and offensive that your friends expected that.

I think they all need to apologise for their insensitive behaviour. How ridiculous that the husband is now “upset” at you.
Personally I’d pull out of this trip as I wouldn’t be able to be around such people without braining them 😆

Wtaf!! Cheeky bint !
oh so you’re not allowed to be upset , by people presuming you’re available to look after the wives & kids!!or “WAK” s lol

Well, she should have the kids a night this week so that he can go through this at the pub…

just don’t go.
i would cancel and not speak to any of them. Never again. No?

YOU’VE upset HIM? What an absolute piss take. I would be fuming

He did that to his mother?????
just wow.

She responded with a thumbs up to a message saying they had upset you? Wow. You don’t need so-called friends like that. Your husband sounds very supportive and I’m sure the two of you will have a much better holiday on your own.

Well I would’ve been replying back that I felt a scapegoat to be expected to be their nanny for the holiday duration. They should be grateful having friends that love going away with their families of small children especially with your own ongoing issues.

As a mother of four children, my advice would be to enjoy your own time away travelling without that burden before you’re able to make special memories with your own children. Get better friends who respect your boundaries.

It doesn't even surprise me any more how entitled and manipulative some people can be. I think that OP may well have found herself running a creche on her holiday. All passed off as a 'joke' and aaaww aren't you sweet. These people are not friends.

Sorry for the insensitivity of your friends. As someone who experienced infertility I know how painful it is. Your friends were thoughtless - I’m glad some of them have realised this. If the others don’t get it then perhaps they’re not the friends for you. I hope you have a lovely holiday xx

OP says it’s years and she’s had a recent miscarriage. Maybe read all the updates and make sure you have all the facts before posting such a condescending reply. They weren’t ‘clearly’ joking around at all otherwise they wouldn’t have booked a day trip on the holiday and left out OP and her DH. And why did ‘Gregg’ get the hump with her reply on the group WhatsApp ? At best they’re tone deaf and at worst they’re taking advantage, so OP’s husband was right to take control and stop the pile on.

There is a big difference between wanting your own child and being desperate to look after children! They are being incredibly insensitive.

I don't understand what fertility issues has to do with you babysitting. If you don't want to babysit that should be the end of it, it's your trip too.

The persons husband who is upset, is probably just on the defensive because he thinks he's upset you because you made the fertility comment.

I don't understand what fertility issues has to do with you babysitting. If you don't want to babysit that should be the end of it, it's your trip too.

The parents are expecting OP to babysit because she doesn't have children,and are saying that.
It's insensitive because OP wants children and has just had a miscarriage.

I used to get 'It's OK for you,you don't have children' and other such shit, when I wasn't child-free by choice.

Just read through the rest of your posts,
Your "friends" are either being incredibly insensitive or they are trying to keep things as normal as possible with the banter without actually thinking about the situation you're in.

Wow!

How could you not understand?

Read the OP's posts again

Was it Gregg Wallace? 😬