Post wedding drama

[freklefacexo]

Ok. So last Saturday was my wedding. After the reception the organizer cleared the venue and gave ALL flowers to my in-laws to take home for us. Bridal bouquet , 5 bridemaids , flower girl and table decor. Plus 2 bags of left over decor. The next morning I went to collect everything from their house and my MIL only gave me 2 bags of decor and no flowers. I asked her is this all you have , I wonder where all my flowers have gone. She said I don’t know I only have these 2 bags of decorations. Fast forward 5 days to Thursday and I go to her house to pick up FILs suit. And sure enough there are all my flowers laid out in 7 or eight different vases. By this time they were all dying. She claims she forgot she had them. So she forgot by enjoying them for 5 full days before handing me my dead bridal bouquet? I really wanted to do something special with the bouquet and I can’t help be so angry at her for keeping all my flowers and not saying a word to me. Whilst I’m thinking they have been lost. AIBU for being upset ? I don’t plan on having a massive argument it I’d really like to bring it up and let her know she’s hurt me.

dear @freklefacexo, well, it's her own fault she's ruined any trust you might have had with her in the future. "When people show you who they are ....", etc. I'm sure you'll never forget this.
My own DD has been so lucky. Her MIL made the bridal bouquet from flowers in own her garden and then "borrowed" the bouquet back to dry if for my DD.
Me 'n SIL's mum ("Oma") get on really well. I know I'm lucky and so is DD, as SIL is a truly lovely man.

My own FOO (fam of origin, not sure if that's MNspeak?) were total crap at kindness & unselfishness - on both sides.

I agree. This woman is a thief and a liar, I wouldn't want her anywhere near my child unless I was present too. Tbh, I would even consider going NC if this is the latest in a long history of her being an arsehole.

I agree that's really bad behaviour from your MIL and she needs to apologise. Was she expecting her own bunch of flowers at the wedding and didn't get one is that why she did it? Most traditional weddings I've been to in the past both mothers got a bunch of flowers during the speech stage.

Honestly, I’d get her to buy you a replacement bouquet for you to enjoy. You can then decide whether to have them preserved or dried or whatever you want. She took that from you and you are entitled to have that choice back. And I wouldn’t be giving her that much access to her grandchild. She doesn’t deserve it based on how little she respects ypu and your family.

Who paid for them?

Why didn't the bridesmaids keep their flowers, and why not share the table decorations with guests sitting at the tables?

Wow. At least you have a good excuse for not visiting your in-laws very often

OP has said that she her her DH paid for everything. Her MIL made no contribution at all.

Well I would have made a gift of all except the wedding bouquet, which I would have dried. What use are they to the bride? For the bridesmaids and guests they would have been a friendly gesture, especially if they gave wedding presents.

I wouldn’t be upset I’d be fucking furious; you clearly asked her about the other bits & she lied to your face what a complete bitch I’d be baying for her blood: the self centred evil trog what her son got to say about it ?

Your MIL is a bitch, it's that simple. She knew exactly what she was doing by keeping the flowers. She didn't forget having 5 bouquets of flowers on display in her house, that she knew weren't hers to keep. To say to you it was a 'mistake' or she 'forgot' is ludicrous and quite frankly an insult to your intelligence! She deliberately set out to keep the flowers and lied. Whatever her reasons for doing so, I don't know. Perhaps she's trying to punish you for 'taking away' her son? She's a nasty individual, who I'd be keeping at arms length. It's good to hear that your husband is supportive and knows what is Mum is like. I would be angry and pissed off with her, and no, I wouldn't let it go either and neither should your husband. Your MIL has been pushing boundaries, by the sounds of things for years, but this time she's gone too far, and she needs to understand that.

If paying for a replacement bouquet isn't going to be a financial stress on you then I'd rather, I think. If she pays for it she'll think she's off the hook.

Wouldn't hurt for DH to frame conversations about having to do so being due to her 'stealing the bridal flowers'. though.

She needs to know she is a thief and that you don't buy her 'mistake' bullshit.

If he buys you a replacement, make sure she reimburses him for the cost. That's a horrible thing to do to a bride.

If she's done things like this before and pulls stunts like this all the time then why on earth would you trust her with something that meant so much to you?

She did it on purpose. I wouldn't have been so calm in the beginning asking if she had them, don't give her the opportunity to lie. I would have just said I'm here for my flowers XXX gave them to you yesterday for me.

I used to have one of those MIL op and I don't miss her one bit. She was so jealous of me and that I took her son away from her. She'd already driven one partner away with his kids and then came me. At least your husband is a good one and supports you.

Move on. It’s just flowers. And watch yourself with that one, if your marriage lasts then she’ll need to be at arms length for it.

YANBU
I would be livid!!
H sounds lovely!

Wow, what a complete cow! Your poor DH for having her as a mother! She’s the ultimate cheeky fucker!

Go order a replacement one (not only yours, but bridesmaids too) and ask the florist to send her a bill.
Now you know when she will be babysitting at some point, she will be like:"No I didn't give them any sweets, I followed all your dietary instructions" and you will know she is lying in your face.

I think it was not the op who trusted her, it was the organiser's mistake to handed it to her. So either the organiser was not aware, or the MIL forced them to give it to her.

My ex MIL was similar to yours.
I did not have the support of my exH. I felt that I just had to put up with her abuse, likewise her son’s abuse! You are so lucky that your DH has your back here. The arguments we used to have about ex not supporting me!
ExH insisted that DC had a “relationship” with her. It tended to be awful. I regret not standing up to exMIL and exH.
DC are pretty much grown up and they refuse to see her.
Put your foot down now.
if you can go NC I would.

I gave my grandmother my bouquet. Without asking she planned to dry and press the flowers for me. She was totally distraught that it didn't work and only a few flowers survived the process. Your MIL is a selfish cow. She could easily have organised to dry and press your bouquet. Putting the flowers in vases clearly shows she had no intention of anything other than enjoying and destroying your bouquet.

I sent her a big bunch of flowers to her house the day before the wedding with a card that said thank you for raising the man of my dreams. That’s why I’m even more hurt. I made sure she got flowers . I really big beautiful bunch. so we really really can’t understand why she did this to us

OP does say it was part of the plan that MIL take them.

She’s horrific. What awful behaviour.