Post wedding drama

[freklefacexo]

Ok. So last Saturday was my wedding. After the reception the organizer cleared the venue and gave ALL flowers to my in-laws to take home for us. Bridal bouquet , 5 bridemaids , flower girl and table decor. Plus 2 bags of left over decor. The next morning I went to collect everything from their house and my MIL only gave me 2 bags of decor and no flowers. I asked her is this all you have , I wonder where all my flowers have gone. She said I don’t know I only have these 2 bags of decorations. Fast forward 5 days to Thursday and I go to her house to pick up FILs suit. And sure enough there are all my flowers laid out in 7 or eight different vases. By this time they were all dying. She claims she forgot she had them. So she forgot by enjoying them for 5 full days before handing me my dead bridal bouquet? I really wanted to do something special with the bouquet and I can’t help be so angry at her for keeping all my flowers and not saying a word to me. Whilst I’m thinking they have been lost. AIBU for being upset ? I don’t plan on having a massive argument it I’d really like to bring it up and let her know she’s hurt me.

Only 2 explanations for this really.

1. She knew what she was doing, in which case she's not nice at all. OR
2. She was tired or flustered after such a big event and is also a bit flaky, and it was a genuine mistake, in which case ....probably dont trust her with any big responsibilities going forward.

You know she's a cunt yet she is suitable to be around your precious dc?
She has zero respect for you.
I am nc with my dps. And they definitely do not see my dc.
I hope she doesn't have her unsupervised op.

I found myself wondering slightly whether this was some weird form of kleptomania. But I don't think anyone really knows what causes kleptomania, so looking for reason in her behaviour is a bit of a non-starter if that is what it is.

I think that you should say something to her. Ask her why she really did it, not accepting her ridiculous excuse.

That was really unkind of her and she's only gonna get worse. Let her know where she stands, that you won't tolerate her bullshit.

Absolutely shocking and that is theft.
I am so glad that your husband phoned her.
I have had a similar thing happen at our son's wedding , I am afraid some family members you cannot trust and should keep at arms length.
Congratulations on your wedding 💒 🎉

I’m amazed that someone has 7-8 vases in their home.

Dear me, there are a long of strong suggestions on here and I am not sure many are that wise. Yes your MIL was being passive aggressive with you and looking to assert herself, yes it was entirely deliberate and selfish. The best thing that you can do/take away from this is information - you know something about her and can avoid her Machiavellian actions in the future. I appreciate that is is upsetting, but you are in a no win sitn, retaliate and she will claim that she is old and forgot she had the flowers, and how could you treat your new MIL like this ... etc etc. Swallow it and mark her card, discuss with your new hubby. As much as she might deserve it, there is no joy for you in attacking her and upsetting her side of the family

OMG what a bitch! Not only did she take your flowers but she lied about it- twice! (because no way did she ‘forget’ she’d taken them).
There are so many things that can be done with wedding flowers- have some of them pressed, lay them at loved ones graves, or even if you’d just wanted to keep
them and have lovely vases of flowers all over YOUR house that would have been been your decision for your the flowers you and OH presumably paid for. I couldn’t let this go, but I’d ask OH to talk to her very strongly about how out of order she was.

You are being too generous. There is no way anyone with an ounce of sense would believe that she ‘forgot’ she’d taken made up multiple vases of their flowers! Don’t be soft!

Good on your husband for backing you up. I'd send her the florist's info, and the invoice you paid for your wedding bouquet and tell her to buy the same one.

OP didn't you go inside your in law's house when you went to collect everything? If so, were the flowers hidden somewhere?

Bit late after 9 years for the nip it in the bud (oh, the irony!) advice.

I don’t know why you want her in your dd’s life, OP. There’s no way she ‘forgot’ she had the flowers, because she’s then carefully put them all in vases. She’s a liar and what she did was awful.

I love the watercolour of the bouquet idea, that’s much better than trying to preserve flowers.

Its clear that MIL did it on purpose and is not a nice person. What should OP do - start a fight with her MIL over some flowers? and risk her DH siding with her MIL? Her MIL is doing this deliberately to get a reaction so she can make OP look bad, do not give her the satisfaction. Revenge is a dish served cold, very cold in this case.

But why did you trust her knowing that she has form for this sort of thing ?

I think this thread answers all the questions why some mothers lose their sons after the marriage.
Who needs enemies when your MIL is like this?

@freklefacexo sorry but for being such a horrible bitch to you, I would not be in contact again!! I would even go so far as to say she wouldnt be seeing you nor your daughter again!!! I am sure your new dh would agree to this!! she has done things too many time and i cant see it improving! do you have a fil? does he say anything to her or call her out?? is your dh an only child??

This! Most definitely this!

I know MILs aren't great on MN but I would've been livid - I put my wedding bouquet on my grandparents' grave as, obviously, they couldn't be with us. While the bridesmaids could do whatever they wanted with their flowers, I had a plan for my wedding flowers.

I really don't understand you supporting her building a relationship with your child, she will hurt her eventually.

It is weird behaviour

I know he has probably been trained by them to keep the peace but what that means is she can do what she wants without any repurcussions. You may need to model for him that there is another way where impacts have consequences. It sounds like she does something awful, he soothes you and tells you not to be upset and nothing is said to her?

I’d ask her straight out why she lied to you about having them.

You definitely need to have this out with them. Tell them you wanted to do something with your bouquet that was memorable and you are disappointed that they lied and you found them there

This is brilliant… never gift her anything other than flowers as surely she has some guilt and this will ensure the guilt stays👌

Well, don't be leaving baby alone with grandmama, lest cowbag runs off with her and 'forgets' she has her.

You could always 'tease' grandma about that with a <Mumsnet tinkly laugh>™