Post wedding drama

[freklefacexo]

Ok. So last Saturday was my wedding. After the reception the organizer cleared the venue and gave ALL flowers to my in-laws to take home for us. Bridal bouquet , 5 bridemaids , flower girl and table decor. Plus 2 bags of left over decor. The next morning I went to collect everything from their house and my MIL only gave me 2 bags of decor and no flowers. I asked her is this all you have , I wonder where all my flowers have gone. She said I don’t know I only have these 2 bags of decorations. Fast forward 5 days to Thursday and I go to her house to pick up FILs suit. And sure enough there are all my flowers laid out in 7 or eight different vases. By this time they were all dying. She claims she forgot she had them. So she forgot by enjoying them for 5 full days before handing me my dead bridal bouquet? I really wanted to do something special with the bouquet and I can’t help be so angry at her for keeping all my flowers and not saying a word to me. Whilst I’m thinking they have been lost. AIBU for being upset ? I don’t plan on having a massive argument it I’d really like to bring it up and let her know she’s hurt me.

Awh that's really shitty of her and such a poor reflection of her as a person.

That said, your husband seems like one of the good guys and recognises what she's like and puts you above her madness. That in itself it worth a lot.

Crazy MILs are one thing but it really helps when your husband isn't blind to her faults.

MIL gave all mine to BIL's gf at the time... couldn't believe it when we went to pick them
up!

If she has form for doing shit stuff why would you trust her with anything especially in your special day? Was there no other family/friend who could have taken them?

Good you have a DH who has your back.

Congratulations on the wedding.

This was my thoughts too. I wouldn’t have trusted her with this but I’m sure OP never thought for one minute her MIL would do anything crazy with them.

Sorry this has happened to you OP. My mum gave my table flowers to my aunties but I guess she felt entitled as my parents paid for the wedding flowers. If you paid for yours yourselves then they were not your MIL’s to take. Could it have been a misunderstanding? Did she think they’d been delivered to her house as a thank you then was too embarrassed to explain when confronted? If you gave both mums thank you bouquets (as is the usual tradition) it is odd that she thought she was being given all yours too!

I know someone who had a watercolour painting done of her flowers, if you have a good photo, this could be an option? I'm not sure who she used but I bet there are several options online etc.

I'm sorry this happened, I'd be furious!

How awful!

I have to admit I'm wondering how she ended up being trusted with this after having form in the past but I don't think anyone would expect such weird behaviour!

In future trust her with nothing. And always buy her petrol station flowers for any occasion.

I would go with hubby's suggestion of buying the bouquet again. Suggest it comes out of funds for her next bday or Xmas present. You shouldn't have to go without your keepsake of the day if it means a lot to you.

Oh and I agree please limit your child's exposure to her. You know she isn't a good person so why leave that to a child to decide?!

I would t be fussed about table arrangements but lying about your actual bridal bouquet is despicable.

I would let every family member know and would kick up a huge stink.

I would class it as the battle lines being drawn by her and it will the first of other nasty incidents unless it’s dealt with now.

I'd of told her you had plans to have them professionally dried and put in a special glass box to display them on your sideboard to keep the memory of the day and she ruined that for you and your husband, make her feel like shit, 😆 🤣.

Maybe she took your flowers because she feels you took her son. Some MIL’s are like this lol.
I wouldn’t be happy and would say something. You don’t forget for 5 days and why did it take you seeing them for her to say anything, why not mention to you when she did find them?

Nip her in the bud, ASAP. Stop her behaviour before this ends up being your entire, married life. Make sure your husband also defends you and stamps out her behaviour. She stole from you. It was theft. She either pays for the inconvenience due to the emotional distress and theft, or tell her you will take it further. You need to put boundaries in place. Once you've made the first boundary the rest are easy.

Sorry to hear this, that’s deliberate unless she has memory problems, but either way I’d be pursuing that and questioning it and telling her your plan for the bouquet, give her the hint and see if she offers to pay, explain it’s possible to get a replica made, if she doesn’t you ask her to pay. In my experience MILs are often bitches. Haven’t seen mine for 8 years, phew!

You know that she hadn't forgotten to tell you that she had your flowers and that she lied to your face don't you? You don't put flowers into seven or eight vases around your house and then have forgotten about them by the next day. She deliberately stole your flowers. I would stop speaking to her. That is awful, deceitful behaviour.

well at least now you know.....what does your partner think about this?

then why on earth did you trust her?

don’t plan on having a massive argument

I’d give serious thought to reconsidering your plan.

But your MIL is a toxic, deceitful liar who does dreadful things on purpose to upset her grandaughter's mum. She won't be a good influence on your daughter and I would stop facilitating your daughter spending time with your MIL.

What an insufferable bitch. Go non-contact. Tell all mutual acquaintances why you’ve gone non-contact and please don’t think you do your daughter any favours by insisting on allowing a relationship with this complete cow.

On her birthday or Christmas your DH can give her the receipt for that replacement bouquet

He might even enjoy the moment

Now, give yourself permission to hate what she, to put some permanent distance between the two of you. You really don't need to keep rebuilding the bridges she burns

And yes, that includes not being so keen on proffering your child on a plate

Oh that’s awful, OP.

at our wedding, we hired part of the floral display – the vase type things – but the top part, the actual flowers, came away and obviously were ours to keep. MIL had made it pretty clear from the word go that she wasn’t remotely interested in helping us with our wedding: I had even asked if she wanted to be involved in helping me pick the flowers and was given a resounding no. At the wedding I heard her talking to her friends and relatives about the floral displays and how the top part could be taken away as keepsakes … Not gonna lie, when my friends and family started leaving after the evening do, I was whipping those top parts off and giving them to them to take away! I made sure she didn’t get her hair hands on any of them. Petty? Perhaps. Satisfying? Definitely.

I agree with a PP that your husband buying you a replica BQ would then be a reminder of your wedding day & how he supports you/what a great guy he is.

If you ask your MIL to pay for the BQ it will sour the replacement one, because I bet she'll refuse or keep you waiting for the money or kick off in some other way, & that's what you'll think of whenever you look at your beautiful preserved one.

Shut her out of it & make the preserved one something which is just between your DH & you.

Your husband needs to tell her that he will be organising a replacement bouquet and letting her know how much she owes him. You both know she has done this on purpose and she needs to have consequences to those actions.

I would be so, so upset. I've preserved my bouquet (which was actually chosen and paid for by my MIL, and sent off for preservation by her too now that I think about it!).

Actually, could that be it? Did she and FIL pay for the wedding? Does she think they are actually hers?

Could this be a financial grudge on your MIL’s part OP? Did parent’s in law pay for a substantial part of the wedding and flowers perhaps? Even if they did, still no excuse for taking your wedding bouquet, that’s just mean. Sorry this has happened to you. If you or your DH paid, then I reckon the in-laws owe you at least the £ to replace your bouquet. That would be the decent thing to do.

My husband and I paid every cent of the wedding ourselves. Trust me it’s not that