Husband won't 'return the favour'

[cookingaroast]

My husband and I have been together 15 years, married 10. I'm always pleasing him but feeling like my desires aren't reciprocated.

TMI - we have sex usually twice a week, I wake him up with hand jobs, I go down on him whenever he hints at it (usually once a week). I've asked a few times if he could go down on me and he always says he will, then it never happens!

We went on holiday last week and before we went, I asked if he could do it whilst we're away - a treat for me. He said that sounded great, I got myself all waxed - how we both prefer it - and was expecting it all week but no, I didn't get it. He got everything from me, and I really don't want to nag but this is getting frustrating.

I honestly think he's done it two, maybe three times in our whole relationship. Is this normal and something I should just accept? Beyond this, our sex life is good and I enjoy pleasing him. I'm not sure he's too interested in pleasing me.

I put YABU because you know he won't reciprocate and you pander to his needs. Don't give if you don't receive

Does he please you in other ways, just no oral?

He agrees for oral then at the moment ask for it. Not "let's have oral next week" but "can you please go down on me" when you are having sex. If he doesn't enjoy giving it, rhat is fine. But he shouldn't be making "promises". You could also talk to him and ask why he never goes down on you.

Do you enjoy giving bj or do you juat do them cause he enjoys them?

If the man in the scenario you suggest was giving his wife oral sex whenever she wanted it and she kept promising him the same but then did not fulfil her promise I would have sympathy for the man as I do now for the OP on here. I don’t agree with the double standards accusation at all.

He clearly doesn't like it OP so why on earth are you asking him to do something he finds unpleasant?! Would you actually enjoy this knowing he's grinning and bearing it?!

I mean, if you have to ask... sorry but it's desperate and gross. Also stop giving him regular blowjobs and just accept this marriage doesn't include oral sex.

Or divorce. I think most men love doing it.

Yep. I feel like majority of time there is a comment "imagine this other way around" the answer woild be exactly the same.

I agree it's a little one sided, but I believe from what OP stated, she enjoys it, he doesn't. Although I was brought up being told a wife should obey her husband.

Rubbish. If a man said he performed oral sex on his wife twice a week for her pleasure, but she’s only given him a hand job / oral a few times in 15 years, the comments would be exactly the same. She’s selfish and using him.

So the fair thing here is for her to continue to give him blow jobs whenever he "hints" at them? And she should be happy with bad sex?

Also, what the fuck does hinting look like I wonder? I bet it's pushing her down there.

If she wants to lavish him with blow jobs that is her choice but I can't see why he is allowed to ask for them, but when she does it's "coercion".

If he's never been up for it, then why do you think he would change 15 years in? It would be different if he'd been dining out weekly (sorry, not sorry) and suddenly stopped.

No one has to do anything they don't want to, whether that's a deal breaker or not is up to you.

How is it ridiculous?

if you think anyone likes giving bjs for the actual act itself, rather than wanting to give happiness to someone, then in their precious spare time that person would be alone in their room giving a banana a bj as a hobby.,

Especially if she's been literally asking for them for 15 years and not been happy to do the same.

I agree. I enjoy giving, but the bit that turns me on, is turning on my partner. It's not close proximity to a penis. They're not that exciting on their own. So he is not getting off on getting her off. Which is crap really, and says a lot about him.

2-3x over 15 years is crazy. Someone who enjoys giving would regularly initiate it as part of day-to-day sex. I think it's fair to not offer oral in return (unless you particularly enjoy it). Hopefully he's getting you off in other ways??

Coercing someone into a sex act, through repeatedly asking, implying they are being deprived, sulking, being annoyed, or in any other way being manipulative, makes you a predator.

The OP can leave and find someone who likes it.

Anyone who can enjoy sex, knowing someone is enduring an sex act they don't like doing, is very detached from their partner, and it's predatory because they are aware that the partner would choose not to do it.

She has the option to discuss it. They can find a compromise they both enjoy. She can leave.

Men are not sex robots, always up for everything, without question or feeling.

He obviously doesn’t like doing oral and shouldn’t be forced. However you also don’t need to do it to him either

Is he though? Or does he just not like this one thing?

You've been together 15 years??? This is something to bring up within the first 3 months !!!!

The fact he’s done it 2 or 3 times in 15 years which includes the “honeymoon period “ when it’s all new and exciting
clearly indicates he doesn’t like it not the fact he’s selfish or lazy

Why exactly is my comment "ridiculous"?

I don't think they would.

No it's not normal, the lazy bastard.
Do you come just via PIV? Only a really small percentage of women do, most need oral to orgasm so not doing this makes for a really selfish lover. I feel sorry for you that you've had to put of with this for so long! It would be a deal breaker for me

Does he enjoy it? Maybe he has a genuine reason for not enjoying it, and you can find a way to make it work for both of you. Compromise is better than nothing. He should be able to communciate with you though, it's not good enough to promise things and then not commit to it.

Well more fool you, don’t do anything you don’t want to do!

I know I don’t and I don’t expect dh to do either and vice versa.

would you really enjoy receiving when you know the other person does not enjoy doing it but feels pressured into doing it!

Ridiculous.

Either he doesn't like it or he doesn't feel like he's any good at it but he is too embarrassed to say so so he just strings you along.

If this is something that is really important to you though OP then you should have sorted it out one way or another long before you got married.

If she was also refusing sexual intercourse they absolutely would. That’s the sexual double standard that is often conveniently ignored. Most women don’t orgasm from this act but most men do.