Page 16 | Husband won't 'return the favour'

cookingaroast · 2025-07-25T06:37:41+00:00

My husband and I have been together 15 years, married 10. I'm always pleasing him but feeling like my desires aren't reciprocated. TMI - we have sex usually twice a week, I wake him up with hand jobs, I go down on him whenever he hints at it (usually once a week). I've asked a few times if he could go down on me and he always says he will, then it never happens! We went on holiday last week and before we went, I asked if he could do it whilst we're away - a treat for me. He said that sounded great, I got myself all waxed - how we both prefer it - and was expecting it all week but no, I didn't get it. He got everything from me, and I really don't want to nag but this is getting frustrating. I honestly think he's done it two, maybe three times in our whole relationship. Is this normal and something I should just accept? Beyond this, our sex life is good and I enjoy pleasing him. I'm not sure he's too interested in pleasing me.

BellissimoGecko · 26/07/2025 20:21

You wake him up with hand jobs?? Christ. I like my sleep. And if my h didn’t go down on me, why would I give him a hand job?

Your h needs to use his words - and so do you.

MuckFusk · 26/07/2025 20:25

arethereanyleftatall · 26/07/2025 20:10

It was staggeringly obvious from the first post what was going on, and it blew my mind that so many women, the poster you are quoting included, missed it.

Show quote history

Yes, it was very obvious. I think some may have missed it because they dismiss other women's experience and feelings as a matter of course. MN seems to have a pretty large contingent of women with internalized misogyny, and of course, some are probably men playing creepy games. The unjustified accusations of double standards against men are never-ending on MN. These people are all too quick to leap to the support of horrible men. Fortunately, they are outnumbered.
A few posters have wondered if the OP is a man playing a creepy game, but I have met women like this IRL so I think it may be real.

Dearnurse · 26/07/2025 20:30

I know it sounds a but drastic but I couldn't be with someone that didn't do that really regularly... but talk to him about why he never does it .. maybe get some sex toys to use instead if it's not something he enjoys doing ...

MuckFusk · 26/07/2025 20:31

BellissimoGecko · 26/07/2025 20:21

You wake him up with hand jobs?? Christ. I like my sleep. And if my h didn’t go down on me, why would I give him a hand job?

Your h needs to use his words - and so do you.

Interesting that none of the posters accusing the OP of being "coercive" and "predatory" (just for asking him for oral once in awhile FFS) about getting her needs met have glommed onto the fact that waking him up by touching his dick means she didn't get consent to touch his dick. That is, unless they have a standing agreement that it's okay.
Apparently, it's only a problem to those people when women are allegedly "coercive" to get their own needs met, not when they are doing it to pleasure a man. I find that quite telling.

BellissimoGecko · 26/07/2025 20:39

MuckFusk · 26/07/2025 20:31

Interesting that none of the posters accusing the OP of being "coercive" and "predatory" (just for asking him for oral once in awhile FFS) about getting her needs met have glommed onto the fact that waking him up by touching his dick means she didn't get consent to touch his dick. That is, unless they have a standing agreement that it's okay.
Apparently, it's only a problem to those people when women are allegedly "coercive" to get their own needs met, not when they are doing it to pleasure a man. I find that quite telling.

Show quote history

I’m sure that op’s h is delighted that she wakes him this way, going by his comments about male and female orgasms 🙄🙄🙄 which I hadn’t read when I posted.

In a normal loving marriage, you know when it’s ok to wake your partner by touching them. It’s different to touching someone in the middle of the night when they are deeply asleep.

BellissimoGecko · 26/07/2025 20:44

cookingaroast · 26/07/2025 09:41

I mentioned it again this morning, just to clear the air and know where I stand. I let him know I'm happy with everything currently but would appreciate him being clearer on what he likes and doesn't, that way I won't ask if it's something he doesn't like, and offered if there's anything I'm not doing he'd like me to do.

He'd prefer to not go down on me, so I won't ask for that again. We have quite set roles in our marriage of submissive and dominant, it's worked well the past 15 years and I'm happy to carry on with this. I was more so just curious if my situation is common, the feedback has been really helpful. I feel good about pleasing him in a way that sexually pleasing me doesn't give him that boost.

He did say something that will probably anger a few on this thread. He said a man needs to orgasm, a woman gets to. So when he gives me an orgasm, it's a treat but me giving him one is needed. Oh well, off to make my man a bacon sandwich 🙋🏻‍♀️ thanks for all the feedback!

Jesus H Christ. Congratulations on being married to a misogynist who is incapable of communicating with you for 15 years that he doesn’t like going down on you.

Brilliant. Enjoy your unequal sex life. Enjoy waking him with hand jobs while knowing he will never go down on you.

He sounds like a selfish arse.

Anotherdayanothernamechanging · 26/07/2025 20:46

Jesus. If ever there were a thread to dissuade a woman from considering entering into a dom/ sub relationship, this is it.

JHound · 26/07/2025 20:59

Spotthering · 26/07/2025 14:54

Ok got it, you think sex can be used as a weapon. I disagree.

Enjoy the rest of your day.

Show quote history

Implying sex can be used as a weapon implies you think somebody can be entitled to sex.

MuckFusk · 26/07/2025 21:08

BellissimoGecko · 26/07/2025 20:39

I’m sure that op’s h is delighted that she wakes him this way, going by his comments about male and female orgasms 🙄🙄🙄 which I hadn’t read when I posted.

In a normal loving marriage, you know when it’s ok to wake your partner by touching them. It’s different to touching someone in the middle of the night when they are deeply asleep.

Show quote history

Huh? How could you possibly know when it's okay without asking? Psychic powers?
I don't know about you but I'm just as deeply asleep at 7 am as I am at 2 am and being forcibly woken is just as jarring and disorienting.
If they have a prior agreement that she can wake him that way anytime, then it's fine. If not it's actually sexual assault under the law, whether he likes it or not, because there was no consent.

VintageMan · 27/07/2025 07:02

BCBird · 26/07/2025 19:06

Bloody hell. This grim. Putting OP in her place. I'd stick the bacon sandwich up his arse😂

Show quote history

waste of a good bacon sarnie and there is an outside chance that he will confuse it with foreplay. How about putting the bacon on your pussy and have him eat it off there, it might be as close as you get to oral sex from him?

Blondeshavemorefun · 27/07/2025 07:23

A man needs to. Wtf

get on your knees

give me one but I’m not returning the pleasure

hes is a selfish horrible man

yes Some men don’t like going down on a woman but this has taken you 15yrs to work out ?

Sadcafe · 27/07/2025 10:47

Blondeshavemorefun · 27/07/2025 07:23

A man needs to. Wtf

get on your knees

give me one but I’m not returning the pleasure

hes is a selfish horrible man

yes Some men don’t like going down on a woman but this has taken you 15yrs to work out ?

Some men don’t like doing it and equally some women actually don’t like men doing it to them, I’d love it if DW would let me, but she won’t, I don’t know why, never objected in the early days , but sometimes you have to just accept things for what they are and not make a massive fuss

HevenlyMeS · 27/07/2025 11:00

Lovely honest compassionate comment empathising with original commenter
This is exactly what she needs God bless You & Yours
She wouldn't have posted if she didn't need some support & understanding 💚🌼💚
Thank you for being kind

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 27/07/2025 11:17

Sadcafe · 27/07/2025 10:47

Some men don’t like doing it and equally some women actually don’t like men doing it to them, I’d love it if DW would let me, but she won’t, I don’t know why, never objected in the early days , but sometimes you have to just accept things for what they are and not make a massive fuss

Show quote history

But she does want him to do this for her. Your experience isn't relevant.

Blondeshavemorefun · 27/07/2025 13:41

Sadcafe · 27/07/2025 10:47

Some men don’t like doing it and equally some women actually don’t like men doing it to them, I’d love it if DW would let me, but she won’t, I don’t know why, never objected in the early days , but sometimes you have to just accept things for what they are and not make a massive fuss

Show quote history

Diff is she wants it

she gives to her dh as he likes
but he doesn’t return back

LBFseBrom · 27/07/2025 14:21

Sadcafe · 27/07/2025 10:47

Some men don’t like doing it and equally some women actually don’t like men doing it to them, I’d love it if DW would let me, but she won’t, I don’t know why, never objected in the early days , but sometimes you have to just accept things for what they are and not make a massive fuss

Show quote history

I quite agree, there are other things in life far more important if they are generally happy with each other and this couple should be mature enough to realise that.

StinkyCheeseMoose · 27/07/2025 14:28

Blondeshavemorefun · 27/07/2025 13:41

Diff is she wants it

she gives to her dh as he likes
but he doesn’t return back

Show quote history

The other difference is she enjoys giving it. He doesn't.

She has also made it clear that, apart from this one thing and his perceived (by some posters on this thread) shortcomings as a lover, she is happy with him.

arethereanyleftatall · 27/07/2025 14:40

StinkyCheeseMoose · 27/07/2025 14:28

The other difference is she enjoys giving it. He doesn't.

She has also made it clear that, apart from this one thing and his perceived (by some posters on this thread) shortcomings as a lover, she is happy with him.

Show quote history

Nah mate.

she enjoys giving it because she believes a wife is there to serve her husband. Read her posts, all of them. She’s in an abusive relationship.

Blondeshavemorefun · 27/07/2025 14:58

StinkyCheeseMoose · 27/07/2025 14:28

The other difference is she enjoys giving it. He doesn't.

She has also made it clear that, apart from this one thing and his perceived (by some posters on this thread) shortcomings as a lover, she is happy with him.

Show quote history

Not from her reply

Told get down on your knees

MissHollysDolly · 27/07/2025 18:35

@cookingaroasthow on earth does a man need to orgasm? Unless you’re trying to conceive a child?!

Grammarnut · 01/08/2025 08:01

MissyB1 · 25/07/2025 07:41

How on earth have you allowed this selfish behaviour to continue? Tell him clearly there will be no more sex if he doesn't make a bloody effort on a regular basis! And you have to mean it! Hes like a child you have spoiled!

That's not ok if he doesn't like doing it. No-one is forced to do something they do not like in a relationship.

Grammarnut · 01/08/2025 08:04

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 27/07/2025 11:17

But she does want him to do this for her. Your experience isn't relevant.

Show quote history

But if he hates it/doesn't like doing it then it is wrong to force him. If it was the other way round no-one would be suggesting OP must even though she hates doing it.

MissyB1 · 01/08/2025 08:04

Grammarnut · 01/08/2025 08:01

That's not ok if he doesn't like doing it. No-one is forced to do something they do not like in a relationship.

Show quote history

And so then he can go without oral sex too. We cant ask others to do things for us that we won't do for them.

Itsapuzzle42 · 01/08/2025 08:05

Gosh he’s pretty awful. Nonetheless you don’t seem to mind, if that’s what you’ve agreed to accept.

Perhaps invest in a decent vibrator or two, and enjoy. They’ll give you the pleasure that he’s pathetically incapable of providing.

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 01/08/2025 08:07

Grammarnut · 01/08/2025 08:04

But if he hates it/doesn't like doing it then it is wrong to force him. If it was the other way round no-one would be suggesting OP must even though she hates doing it.

Show quote history

If he doesn't want to give her sexual pleasure then they are not sexually compatible and he shouldn't have married her. He should have left her free to find a less selfish man and continued his search for a woman who only wants to give her husband orgasms and nothing else. I'm sure there are plenty of them about.