Page 13 | Husband won't 'return the favour'

cookingaroast · 2025-07-25T06:37:41+00:00

My husband and I have been together 15 years, married 10. I'm always pleasing him but feeling like my desires aren't reciprocated. TMI - we have sex usually twice a week, I wake him up with hand jobs, I go down on him whenever he hints at it (usually once a week). I've asked a few times if he could go down on me and he always says he will, then it never happens! We went on holiday last week and before we went, I asked if he could do it whilst we're away - a treat for me. He said that sounded great, I got myself all waxed - how we both prefer it - and was expecting it all week but no, I didn't get it. He got everything from me, and I really don't want to nag but this is getting frustrating. I honestly think he's done it two, maybe three times in our whole relationship. Is this normal and something I should just accept? Beyond this, our sex life is good and I enjoy pleasing him. I'm not sure he's too interested in pleasing me.

VintageMan · 26/07/2025 09:35

nomas · 26/07/2025 06:36

He told you to get on your knees? He is a dickhead, OP.

I hope you will now stop giving him BJs.

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I agree with this post. It is clear that this is a one-way street, if you are getting nothing out of giving, and nothing in return, then stop and at least try and be happy with what you do share - equally.

nomas · 26/07/2025 09:36

Spotthering · 26/07/2025 09:35

I mean not sure where I said that’s completely fine but ok then…

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Why is it ok for him to withhold oral but not ok for OP to withhold sex?

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 26/07/2025 09:37

The best thing would be for the OP to put in place a new rule whereby he doesn't get to have an orgasm until after she's had one.

Every time.

Original poster

cookingaroast · 26/07/2025 09:41

I mentioned it again this morning, just to clear the air and know where I stand. I let him know I'm happy with everything currently but would appreciate him being clearer on what he likes and doesn't, that way I won't ask if it's something he doesn't like, and offered if there's anything I'm not doing he'd like me to do.

He'd prefer to not go down on me, so I won't ask for that again. We have quite set roles in our marriage of submissive and dominant, it's worked well the past 15 years and I'm happy to carry on with this. I was more so just curious if my situation is common, the feedback has been really helpful. I feel good about pleasing him in a way that sexually pleasing me doesn't give him that boost.

He did say something that will probably anger a few on this thread. He said a man needs to orgasm, a woman gets to. So when he gives me an orgasm, it's a treat but me giving him one is needed. Oh well, off to make my man a bacon sandwich 🙋🏻‍♀️ thanks for all the feedback!

OP posts:

CowTown · 26/07/2025 09:41

Spotthering · 26/07/2025 09:35

I mean not sure where I said that’s completely fine but ok then…

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“Presumably OP gives BJs because she wants to rather than she feels she needs to.”

He TOLD her to drop to her knees.

CowTown · 26/07/2025 09:43

He said a man needs to orgasm, a woman gets to. So when he gives me an orgasm, it's a treat but me giving him one is needed. Oh well, off to make my man a bacon sandwich
**
I can’t.

nomas · 26/07/2025 09:44

cookingaroast · 26/07/2025 09:41

I mentioned it again this morning, just to clear the air and know where I stand. I let him know I'm happy with everything currently but would appreciate him being clearer on what he likes and doesn't, that way I won't ask if it's something he doesn't like, and offered if there's anything I'm not doing he'd like me to do.

He'd prefer to not go down on me, so I won't ask for that again. We have quite set roles in our marriage of submissive and dominant, it's worked well the past 15 years and I'm happy to carry on with this. I was more so just curious if my situation is common, the feedback has been really helpful. I feel good about pleasing him in a way that sexually pleasing me doesn't give him that boost.

He did say something that will probably anger a few on this thread. He said a man needs to orgasm, a woman gets to. So when he gives me an orgasm, it's a treat but me giving him one is needed. Oh well, off to make my man a bacon sandwich 🙋🏻‍♀️ thanks for all the feedback!

Well this took a turn.

It all reads like a male fantasy.

WhenYouSayNothingAtAll · 26/07/2025 09:45

cookingaroast · 26/07/2025 09:41

I mentioned it again this morning, just to clear the air and know where I stand. I let him know I'm happy with everything currently but would appreciate him being clearer on what he likes and doesn't, that way I won't ask if it's something he doesn't like, and offered if there's anything I'm not doing he'd like me to do.

He'd prefer to not go down on me, so I won't ask for that again. We have quite set roles in our marriage of submissive and dominant, it's worked well the past 15 years and I'm happy to carry on with this. I was more so just curious if my situation is common, the feedback has been really helpful. I feel good about pleasing him in a way that sexually pleasing me doesn't give him that boost.

He did say something that will probably anger a few on this thread. He said a man needs to orgasm, a woman gets to. So when he gives me an orgasm, it's a treat but me giving him one is needed. Oh well, off to make my man a bacon sandwich 🙋🏻‍♀️ thanks for all the feedback!

Oh fuck me, all this debate and it was all fucking pointless .

ZlaMavka · 26/07/2025 09:45

cookingaroast · 26/07/2025 09:41

I mentioned it again this morning, just to clear the air and know where I stand. I let him know I'm happy with everything currently but would appreciate him being clearer on what he likes and doesn't, that way I won't ask if it's something he doesn't like, and offered if there's anything I'm not doing he'd like me to do.

He'd prefer to not go down on me, so I won't ask for that again. We have quite set roles in our marriage of submissive and dominant, it's worked well the past 15 years and I'm happy to carry on with this. I was more so just curious if my situation is common, the feedback has been really helpful. I feel good about pleasing him in a way that sexually pleasing me doesn't give him that boost.

He did say something that will probably anger a few on this thread. He said a man needs to orgasm, a woman gets to. So when he gives me an orgasm, it's a treat but me giving him one is needed. Oh well, off to make my man a bacon sandwich 🙋🏻‍♀️ thanks for all the feedback!

From previous knowledge of fetishy guys, you sound like an 'orgasm denial' fetishist. This is a reverse.

Cecemonkeylou · 26/07/2025 09:47

So you are the sub and he is the dom. I think that might have been worth mentioning in the initial post and also the understanding that not everyone will get this. The giving and receiving of pleasure is not balanced there and for some thats ok and for some its not. I think you asking your dom to go down on you would usually be met with a no or at least a raised eyebrow. If you want a shift in dynamics, then thats a bigger conversation and would more then likely end your relationship how it currently is but you already know that.

Morgenrot25 · 26/07/2025 09:53

Had OP included all the information in the initial post, then the replies would have been quite different - most of us assumed she/he wanted an equal relationship, clearly she/he doesn't. 🫣

(I've edited and written she/he as not 100% sure it's the she who is behind this, and thought that relevant)

BusWankers · 26/07/2025 09:53

cookingaroast · 26/07/2025 09:41

I mentioned it again this morning, just to clear the air and know where I stand. I let him know I'm happy with everything currently but would appreciate him being clearer on what he likes and doesn't, that way I won't ask if it's something he doesn't like, and offered if there's anything I'm not doing he'd like me to do.

He'd prefer to not go down on me, so I won't ask for that again. We have quite set roles in our marriage of submissive and dominant, it's worked well the past 15 years and I'm happy to carry on with this. I was more so just curious if my situation is common, the feedback has been really helpful. I feel good about pleasing him in a way that sexually pleasing me doesn't give him that boost.

He did say something that will probably anger a few on this thread. He said a man needs to orgasm, a woman gets to. So when he gives me an orgasm, it's a treat but me giving him one is needed. Oh well, off to make my man a bacon sandwich 🙋🏻‍♀️ thanks for all the feedback!

He sounds more and more fucking awful.

XiCi · 26/07/2025 09:53

cookingaroast · 26/07/2025 09:41

I mentioned it again this morning, just to clear the air and know where I stand. I let him know I'm happy with everything currently but would appreciate him being clearer on what he likes and doesn't, that way I won't ask if it's something he doesn't like, and offered if there's anything I'm not doing he'd like me to do.

He'd prefer to not go down on me, so I won't ask for that again. We have quite set roles in our marriage of submissive and dominant, it's worked well the past 15 years and I'm happy to carry on with this. I was more so just curious if my situation is common, the feedback has been really helpful. I feel good about pleasing him in a way that sexually pleasing me doesn't give him that boost.

He did say something that will probably anger a few on this thread. He said a man needs to orgasm, a woman gets to. So when he gives me an orgasm, it's a treat but me giving him one is needed. Oh well, off to make my man a bacon sandwich 🙋🏻‍♀️ thanks for all the feedback!

Bit of a drip feed don't you think? And a complete waste of everyone's time that was trying to help you.

InWithPeaceOutWithStress · 26/07/2025 09:55

Gosh he’s got it made hasn’t he.

BusWankers · 26/07/2025 09:57

You can be happy as a submissive, but that also means you aren't a doormat.
If he's a "proper" Dom, he should be meeting your needs, not dismissing them as insignificant "nice to haves". We have a similar set up, but we both make sure we're each content/have a desires and needs met. We have equal say in things in life etc.

Your eye roll about being told to go down in your knees and the fact he's not entirely honest and also has dismissed your desires, sounds like you're not 100% happy with the at up, and it's just become normal.

I'd be seriously considering if he actually respects me as an equal.

He just sounds like a dickhead tbh.

PlayingDevilsAdvocateisinteresting · 26/07/2025 10:00

Boing98 · 25/07/2025 07:40

Sex is a bartering tool now?

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You do know how long people have been having sex, while also being able to communicate with each other for, don't you? Well that is how long sex has been used as a bartering tool - it is definitely not just a recent thing. For over thousands of years it has also ben used as a tool for showing gratitude, and a tool for giving punishments as well! But yes, it would be great if it were only ever used as a way for two people to express their love and delight in each other.

Sugarnspicenallthingsnaice · 26/07/2025 10:00

If this is real, I suppose we should all be grateful to the OP for taking one more selfish loser off the market so no other poor woman has to deal with him.

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 26/07/2025 10:04

Christ.

Do you really want this to be your life, OP?

You are married to an absolute prick.

CowTown · 26/07/2025 10:06

Sugarnspicenallthingsnaice · 26/07/2025 10:00

If this is real, I suppose we should all be grateful to the OP for taking one more selfish loser off the market so no other poor woman has to deal with him.

😂

Laura95167 · 26/07/2025 10:09

cookingaroast · 26/07/2025 09:41

I mentioned it again this morning, just to clear the air and know where I stand. I let him know I'm happy with everything currently but would appreciate him being clearer on what he likes and doesn't, that way I won't ask if it's something he doesn't like, and offered if there's anything I'm not doing he'd like me to do.

He'd prefer to not go down on me, so I won't ask for that again. We have quite set roles in our marriage of submissive and dominant, it's worked well the past 15 years and I'm happy to carry on with this. I was more so just curious if my situation is common, the feedback has been really helpful. I feel good about pleasing him in a way that sexually pleasing me doesn't give him that boost.

He did say something that will probably anger a few on this thread. He said a man needs to orgasm, a woman gets to. So when he gives me an orgasm, it's a treat but me giving him one is needed. Oh well, off to make my man a bacon sandwich 🙋🏻‍♀️ thanks for all the feedback!

You know what I find odd. He's the dom but has avoided telling you he doesnt like giving oral sex like an awkward school boy?

Agree though if he doesnt want to thats OK.

I think its sad that sexually pleasing you isnt important to him. And sometimes find me who badge it a "treat" mean - Im not sure i know how to make you cum.. so I will pretend thats on purpose and badge my successes as treats.

As long as youre happy OP

Foreverm0re · 26/07/2025 10:25

cookingaroast · 26/07/2025 09:41

I mentioned it again this morning, just to clear the air and know where I stand. I let him know I'm happy with everything currently but would appreciate him being clearer on what he likes and doesn't, that way I won't ask if it's something he doesn't like, and offered if there's anything I'm not doing he'd like me to do.

He'd prefer to not go down on me, so I won't ask for that again. We have quite set roles in our marriage of submissive and dominant, it's worked well the past 15 years and I'm happy to carry on with this. I was more so just curious if my situation is common, the feedback has been really helpful. I feel good about pleasing him in a way that sexually pleasing me doesn't give him that boost.

He did say something that will probably anger a few on this thread. He said a man needs to orgasm, a woman gets to. So when he gives me an orgasm, it's a treat but me giving him one is needed. Oh well, off to make my man a bacon sandwich 🙋🏻‍♀️ thanks for all the feedback!

Jesus is it the 1950’s? How disappointing.

niadainud · 26/07/2025 10:29

Spotthering · 26/07/2025 09:35

I mean not sure where I said that’s completely fine but ok then…

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Well you said, "Presumably OP gives BJs because she wants to rather than she feels she needs to." It sounds a little like maybe she's the one being coerced.

nomas · 26/07/2025 10:30

WhenYouSayNothingAtAll · 26/07/2025 09:45

Oh fuck me, all this debate and it was all fucking pointless .

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Exactly.

nomas · 26/07/2025 10:31

Sugarnspicenallthingsnaice · 26/07/2025 10:00

If this is real, I suppose we should all be grateful to the OP for taking one more selfish loser off the market so no other poor woman has to deal with him.

🤣

Yes, this is a public service to women, one more dickhead off the books.

echt · 26/07/2025 10:40

XiCi · 26/07/2025 09:53

Bit of a drip feed don't you think? And a complete waste of everyone's time that was trying to help you.

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I think it was the OP's intention.