Husband won't 'return the favour'

[cookingaroast]

My husband and I have been together 15 years, married 10. I'm always pleasing him but feeling like my desires aren't reciprocated.

TMI - we have sex usually twice a week, I wake him up with hand jobs, I go down on him whenever he hints at it (usually once a week). I've asked a few times if he could go down on me and he always says he will, then it never happens!

We went on holiday last week and before we went, I asked if he could do it whilst we're away - a treat for me. He said that sounded great, I got myself all waxed - how we both prefer it - and was expecting it all week but no, I didn't get it. He got everything from me, and I really don't want to nag but this is getting frustrating.

I honestly think he's done it two, maybe three times in our whole relationship. Is this normal and something I should just accept? Beyond this, our sex life is good and I enjoy pleasing him. I'm not sure he's too interested in pleasing me.

I lol’d! It’s funny how accurate this is! 😂

No, I’ve never said anyone should do anything they don’t want to.

I’ve been saying she should not give him BJs, which you don’t seem to like for some reason.

Then what’s your issue with my posts? It’s a bit odd you keep commenting on my posts when from the start I said no one should do what they don’t want to do.

I also said OP shouldn’t withhold BJs as a weapon in retaliation for him not giving oral. She should only do them because she wants to.

So I’m unsure why my posts are dangerous.

I replied to you because of your post criticising ‘OP withholding sex ‘. Because I disagree with you.

You then replied to me.

That’s how a chat forum works.

Think the worse part of this is not that he doesn’t want to go down on you .., it’s that he thinks orgasm is a right for him but a treat for you.

If you read any of my posts properly it would be pretty obvious what I meant about withholding sex.

If you want to engage in a discussion, at least read posts properly rather than accusing me of saying things I didn’t say.

I’m saying that women can withhold sex for any reason want to, including if they want sex but don’t want their husband to have sex.

No it is not normal. Have you actually asked him why he doesn't do it? Is it because he's worried he doesn't do it right? Or has he had a previous traumatic/bad experience? Or is he just selfish?

Yes, no one should be pressured into having sex.

But using sex as a weapon - dangerous territory in what should be a healthy relationship. Yes anyone can withhold but it verges on abuse to use it as a weapon. But by your reasoning, as I said, I guess he can withhold sex completely until he lets her do whatever he wants to her bumhole because he’s allowed to withhold sex for any reason whatsoever

Okay, just read OPs most recent comment. So he is just a selfish sod. Ugh. He NEEDS to orgasm but it's optional for you? Rank. He shouldn't be made to do anything he doesn't like or want to do, but him saying your pleasure is an afterthought/optional is just sheer selfishness.

The most sensible post on this thread

that circles back to a woman being able to withhold sex, include anal.

Ok got it, you think sex can be used as a weapon. I disagree.

Enjoy the rest of your day.

What kind of weapon? Are we talking GBH or ABH? How many months in the clink will one get? Do we need to send round armed officers?

I’m curious @cookingaroast, as to how you responded when he said a man’s orgasm is necessary and a women’s optional?

I can tell you how a woman who has been brought up to know her value would have responded. She would have laughed in his face, thought him ridiculous, and had no more to do with him - Fifteen years ago. If she wanted to have some fun, she might have queried this with a serious face to hear what his answer was to why women aren’t equal.
just for the record, of course a women’s orgasm is of EQUAL importance to a man’s.

Oh so so funny. I can’t stop laughing! Funniest post I’ve read all day.

@cookingaroast He said a man needs to orgasm, a woman gets to. So when he gives me an orgasm, it's a treat but me giving him one is needed. what the actual fuck????? is he for real???? I think I would be telling him to go and wank himself off!! posh or otherwise!!

Sounds like he’s from the stone age. Me man you woman🫤

Agreed.

What an utterly vile misogynist. It probably doesn't anger others as we don't have to live with him. If you're really okay with his misogyny and extreme selfishness then who are we to be angry on your behalf. But are you, really? Deep down? You might want to explore that question with a therapist. It sounds like a very unhealthy relationship.

Naturally, the people who accused you of being predatory, a sex pest and what have you have not apologized, showing it was really all about supporting male selfishness, not about concern for him being coerced. I suspected as much since there was never any indication you were coercive in any way.

Bloody hell. This grim. Putting OP in her place. I'd stick the bacon sandwich up his arse😂

Stop being coy about it. He must think his cocks made of gold. Can’t imagine why you bother with him. You make all the going and he just lies there and thinks of England. What a tosser.

He called an orgasm a 'treat?' Massive massive ick.

He is selfish. Beyond selfish, he's vile. Have you read her subsequent posts? Do so and you will see that the supposedly "nuts" people were absolutely right.

It was staggeringly obvious from the first post what was going on, and it blew my mind that so many women, the poster you are quoting included, missed it.