Kind but very poor boyfriend . Should I stay or go?

[Joisworried]

PLEASE be gentle. I have PTSD from my ex husband’s abuse.

I’m 46. Have been divorced 2 years, separated 5 years. I have two kids under 12. One is severely disabled, I am his main carer.

After the most traumatic divorce I’m finally free, but I’m pretty broke because of it (especially vs the life I had with my rich-but-controlling husband).
There’s no question that I did the right thing in leaving him and I continue to work all the hours I can (as I also always did while we were married) to bring in as much income as I can to support the children and me. I
now own a heavily mortgaged but tiny house and lease my car. I accept Universal Credit to top up my earnings and am extremely careful with household bills (batch cooking/deals/vouchers. Etc)

I met a lovely older man on a dating app in April 24. He is one of the most emotionally intelligent men I have ever known. He is considerate,
fun, kind, compassionate, generous and the intimacy is amazing.

However he is verging on penniless (works very hard as a labourer - but it’s all hand to mouth). He has two older kids, each from different mothers (I’m explaining for context not judgment).
But we definitely disagree on politics and parenting.

i simply cannot decide whether or not to stay or go.
We have probably the best relationship I’ve ever had. However the idea of the rest of my life with him fills me with sadness. And I don’t really know why.
Should I stay because he’s the nicest man I’ve been with?
Or should I move on in the hope that other good men actually also exist?

Am I the idiot who can’t see what they’ve got? Or should I wait to meet someone who makes me excited about the future?

Thought you were going to leave us wimmins to it?

@AblokecalledPaul are you tritan5 under a different name following the infamous thread?!

Definitely not ! No idea what that is

Are you and Echt the same person??

No, why, is the concept of two women disagreeing with you alien to you?

In the nicest possible way it reply was directly to Echt after a bit of back on forth so no need to get involved

Yeah that’s not how a chat forum works mate. Best leave those of us who know how it works to it.

I understand fully how it works, I replied personally to Echt and now you are getting involved and again Im not sure why youre continuing to respond to me about this. Im sure she can fight her own battles!

There’s nothing personal about a chat forum. Anyone can reply. That’s how it works 🤷🏻‍♀️

Fair enough there wasn't any need to be patronising about it though. I will leave you wimmin to chat now though. I am Scottish too!

Even I feel I don't need a man but life came for me with such a deal that he had the sole income to buy the home and provide all. Since then I grew some income but for all I can see, I prefer him in his study, in his job and generally away. I love peace, quiet, ideas, food and nature. My soul mate would probably feel different but anyway. I have a normal, non violent, non drinking, non smoking hard working husband so...

Your focus should not be a relationship but your children. You also need to be realistic. Finding a (rich) man who genuinely cares will be challenging especially when you are a package deal.

OP he’s 12 years older. Odds are high he will need a carer. He has nothing in place. Why step in? Don’t listen to the idiots calling you a gold digger. Thinking of a decent financial future is only the responsible thing to do. Partnership is often about combining lives to make life financially more sustainable. He stands to do the opposite for you. On a practical level this is a very real, valid, reasonable concern. The age difference and the money problems would be deal breakers for me. Don’t be a nurse with a purse.

companies have to put into their employees pension, it is just a matter of him finding his pensions when the time comes

Bye, bye.

This is insulting, stupid and unfair.

This thread became silly when the OP for some weird reason decided to change her user name 5 minutes after starting it. Stick with your user name for at least 48h after starting a thread and if you intend to change your name and abandon your thread ( and changing your user name is abandoning it as most posters search for updates from the OP) then let people know before changing your name

Given you’re always spouting how we should VOTE Reform, do you mean to say that anyone and everyone you have over to your house to entertain is a Reform voter, oh and in favour of the death penalty? @GreenGully

Hi Laura, you are really on one aren't you.. Haven't you got a 5 year old to be watching.

What is your problem with deliberately taking my comments out of context? This topic is about OPs uncertainty in her relationship. I have pointed out having politics that don't align is a bigger issue that his lack of money.

So, keeping to the topic, me saying 'I wouldn't entertain someone' is clearly in relation to entertaining the idea of a relationship with someone who had different politics to my own.

That doesn't mean I don't have friends over who have different politics to me, (guess what I'm not living with or fucking my mates, so it's slightly different)

In case you were unaware you can be friends with people who have different beliefs, we just avoid the subjects we would not agree on.

I know you don't have any friends in IRL so this is all an alien concept to you.

The OP has not given any indication whatsoever that she intends to be his carer or give him free accommodation. I'm sure she's lovely, but she says he is too.

She did say she wants financial security in a partner. He's a Trump supporter and neglectful towards his 12 year old, but her primary concern is that he doesn't have enough money.

You are claiming UC yourself and judging someone else for their finances? If you want some financial security and a better lifestyle, work towards it for yourself and don’t rely on a man for that.

I’d be out at Trump supporter though

Couldn't you say the OP is skint, old, wildly differing politics AND a severely disabled child? Why should he go for someone worse off than him?

Think we'd need info on whether he owns a property or not. OP has an asset, I don't think she's specified whether he does. Unless I have missed it.

It's irrelevant what OP's currency is (and I suspect it is that she is younger and potentially malleable. Men who are looking for that don't tend to be too requiring on much else.). He's into her, for whatever reason, and wants to keep it going. So it's utterly pointless trying to tell us what a terrible date you think she is. He's all in, so now it's her decision. And the thought makes her miserable.