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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Am I being unreasonable asking my husband to not go away for 2 weeks after just having a baby?

184 replies

Watters01 · 24/07/2025 20:37

My DH is a practicing catholic and, around 18 months ago, was asked if he wanted to go on a pilgrimage to Lourdes. I didn’t want to be the bad guy for saying no so I thought what the hey, it’s only 2 weeks, I can handle 3 kids on my own. Fast forward a few months and we found out I was unexpectedly pregnant with our 4th child. I casually mentioned about probably not going on the trip now, as we would have a newborn and it’s a lot to put on me, but he kind of brushed it to one side and said about maybe not doing it. This carried on going like this up until I gave birth with me getting more irate and cross.
Anyway, to cut a long story short, he eventually refused to cancel the trip so in about 2 weeks time I am going to be left on my own for 2 weeks with a newborn, 3yr old, 7yr old and 10yr old. All our family work full time so are unable to help me and to top it off it’s the summer holidays so there’s just no break!
AIBU for being really upset about the whole thing? I appreciate it’s a religious pilgrimage but I feel really resentful and quite. disrespected about the whole thing.

OP posts:
Igmum · 27/07/2025 08:40

Your DH is a knob, no of course he shouldn't be going, yes of course he should have pulled out months ago. Lourdes will still be there next year and in 10 years' time, he can go another time. He clearly won't but YADNBU.

Suleika · 27/07/2025 11:06

A few thoughts. I agree with others that two weeks for this trip seems totally unnecessary - and that his determination to go doesn't sound Godly, more like an "acceptable" religious excuse to get away. What are you supposed to do if one child becomes seriously ill/breaks a limb and needs the hospital - drag all four to the hospital with you, maybe in the middle of the night? Have you asked why he needs 2 weeks? If he does go (for any length of time at all) then ask him to organise paid childcare/support for you during his absence; and a workable arrangement for any in-the-night emergency - that's the price for him going. Or, if you decide to woman-up and let him push off for two weeks, with no support for yourself, then book your own 2 weeks away for as soon as he gets back. If you do nothing, and he trots off, the resentment you feel will be utterly corrosive to your relationship.

ThinWomansBrain · 27/07/2025 11:12

4 children, catholic, husband can't be arsed to take care of children, baby or wife post birth.
Probably best to stop having sex.

LilacReader · 27/07/2025 12:08

Praying4Peace · 24/07/2025 20:43

But if the pilgrimage means a lot to husband and it was preplanned, I think he should go.
Yes, very hard work for op but it is only 2 weeks

The trip was preplanned but the baby that he helped create was not. Plans change because of circumstances - this one can easily be postponed. Hes a father and husband before anything else surely?

Owl55 · 28/07/2025 13:20

He is being selfish but maybe compromise and only goes for one week not two?

Nanny0gg · 28/07/2025 13:21

Praying4Peace · 24/07/2025 20:43

But if the pilgrimage means a lot to husband and it was preplanned, I think he should go.
Yes, very hard work for op but it is only 2 weeks

God can wait

Meadowfinch · 28/07/2025 13:28

YANBU.

If he can take TWO WEEKS (!) going to Lourdes, then he can also afford to pay for some help for you during those two weeks - see home help and nanny agencies for prices and tell him it's non-negotiable.

Sunburstclocklover · 29/07/2025 13:05

rainydaysaway · 24/07/2025 20:39

YANBU that’s terrible behaviour and not very Christian of him

Indeed!

FlubandSlub · 18/09/2025 20:14

Have a word with the parish priest. He may encourage your husband to consider his Catholic father/husband responsibilities or at the very least he could enrol some parishioners to lend a hand with child care. It's the Christian thing to do

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