Am I being unreasonable asking my husband to not go away for 2 weeks after just having a baby?

[Watters01]

My DH is a practicing catholic and, around 18 months ago, was asked if he wanted to go on a pilgrimage to Lourdes. I didn’t want to be the bad guy for saying no so I thought what the hey, it’s only 2 weeks, I can handle 3 kids on my own. Fast forward a few months and we found out I was unexpectedly pregnant with our 4th child. I casually mentioned about probably not going on the trip now, as we would have a newborn and it’s a lot to put on me, but he kind of brushed it to one side and said about maybe not doing it. This carried on going like this up until I gave birth with me getting more irate and cross.
Anyway, to cut a long story short, he eventually refused to cancel the trip so in about 2 weeks time I am going to be left on my own for 2 weeks with a newborn, 3yr old, 7yr old and 10yr old. All our family work full time so are unable to help me and to top it off it’s the summer holidays so there’s just no break!
AIBU for being really upset about the whole thing? I appreciate it’s a religious pilgrimage but I feel really resentful and quite. disrespected about the whole thing.

What a pathetic man, father and husband. Tell him he absolutely needs to be there for.you and the children, it's the tight thing to do and he should know that.

Only two weeks?
two weeks is a bloody long time with a newborn and 3 other kids home all day with no support at all

Doesn't sound very Christian of him leaving you with three children and a new born to prove what a good Christian he is. Much more Christian to stay and help surely.

He can take the three older children.

Wanker.

Selfish man. He should rearrange it to be away for a few days at the very most though cancelling the trip altogether would be the best option. I can understand why you’re getting irate and cross OP.

It’s not fair on you and it’s not really fair on the kids either. they will also suffer from not having their dad around while their mum is so occupied with a new baby. It’s incredibly selfish of him and he really should reschedule.

All about perspective. I agree that looking after 4 kids on your own for 2 weeks is hard but it has been done for much longer for a variety of reasons.
I appreciate that sounds insensitive but it's true

That’s insane - how can he possibly think it’s ok. You are a super star managing that many kids.

Smile and pack some bags. He can take the older 3 with him. Ans then schedule him in for the snip when he gets back. Catholic he may be, but he shouldn't father any more children if he will so willingly shirk his parental responsibility for the ones he already has.

Yeah but personally, I don’t look at the worst possible behaviour from a spouse and think that if what my husband is doing is slightly better than that, then I’m on to a winner.

I couldn’t give a fuck if others have solo parented with a newborn for longer, I wouldn’t expect such low standards for myself - particularly for some absolute bullshit religious trip.

Can you find and then cut the corner of his passport? Preferably the day before the trip

Are you gonna get a 2 week holiday with him looking after all 4 kids alone? Tell him you're booking that in and do it.

Surely his wife & children mean more to him no? Surely, as a Christian man he can sacrifice his little holiday and man up enough to look after the ones that mean the most? Surely his ‘god’ would want him to do that?

Two weeks! I am also Catholic and I have never heard of anyone going to Lourdes for any more than a couple of days. You are definitely not being unreasonable. He is a disgrace and should not be going!

Who goes to Lourdes for 2 weeks ? Our Diocesan trips are a week… which involves travelling there on the coach. It’s Mass, Grotto, Candlelit Parade.. and home. Not somewhere anyone would spend 2 weeks.

Yeah, but probably not because one of the parents has fucked off on a jolly for a fortnight when there's a newborn in the house

So he’s disappearing for two weeks in the middle of the kids summer holidays and leaving you with four DC?
As others have said, I’ve never know anyone spend more than a couple of days in Lourdes. You sure he’s not off to a second family somewhere? (I’m not joking there either)

This isn’t a pilgrimage for religious reasons is it? It’s a two-week jolly. No he shouldn’t be leaving you looking after a newborn and three other children alone.

I think you should have said no ages ago. But really he should have cancelled once he figured out the timing. Total dick move. But now that it’s here you need to focus on how to get yourself some help. Sign the kids up for clubs, set up loads of play dates, call in every favour, get a cleaner… whatever would help. He has the money for two entire weeks away so he must be able to afford to get you all the help that’s possible. Do you have a cousin or sister or friend who could fly in to help?

Your husband is arse and he’s using religion to hide behind, which in itself is hilarious.

The lengths some men will go to to avoid family life now apparently includes a 2 week long trip to Lourdes!!

YANBU OP. He sounds like my ExH: out at all hours to be seen doing good things for people at church, sod all care for his wife and babies at home. Not kind, not Christian.

Is he going on a trip with his own church? Honestly I would contact the priest, they'd probably make it very clear to him it's not appropriate to be going on pilgrimage when you have a newborn baby and three kids at home. Awful behaviour.

I am a practising catholic.I only know about Lourdes pilgrimages lasting about four to five days.

Usually the reasons are better than a father of 4 wanting to go on holiday right after his most recent child has been born.

He's a selfish prick. I would never forgive him for this.

Also, no one spends 2 whole weeks in Lourdes! So there's something he's not telling you.