Am I being unreasonable asking my husband to not go away for 2 weeks after just having a baby?

[Watters01]

My DH is a practicing catholic and, around 18 months ago, was asked if he wanted to go on a pilgrimage to Lourdes. I didn’t want to be the bad guy for saying no so I thought what the hey, it’s only 2 weeks, I can handle 3 kids on my own. Fast forward a few months and we found out I was unexpectedly pregnant with our 4th child. I casually mentioned about probably not going on the trip now, as we would have a newborn and it’s a lot to put on me, but he kind of brushed it to one side and said about maybe not doing it. This carried on going like this up until I gave birth with me getting more irate and cross.
Anyway, to cut a long story short, he eventually refused to cancel the trip so in about 2 weeks time I am going to be left on my own for 2 weeks with a newborn, 3yr old, 7yr old and 10yr old. All our family work full time so are unable to help me and to top it off it’s the summer holidays so there’s just no break!
AIBU for being really upset about the whole thing? I appreciate it’s a religious pilgrimage but I feel really resentful and quite. disrespected about the whole thing.

Unless he has committed as a volunteer on one of the pilgrimages for disabled and disadvantaged children, some of whom would not be able to go if he pulled out, he is being rather unreasonable, and not very Christian.

Jesus, I would be fucking livid. So livid in fact that I’d make it impossible for him to go.

Jesus Christ what a selfish twat. I would castrate him with the rosary beads. Stop him sowing his selfish seed.

Awful behaviour.
Couple of days in Lourdes would be fine for him. At any time.Not when he has a newborn and 3 other young children.

I grew up in a strict catholic family and very sad how the religious nonsens is more important than the welfare of a wife and children

Exactly this, my DH wouldn’t dream of it but he would not be welcome back if he did. I would’ve made that clear from finding out.

Is he having a breakdown? OP won't be driving, shouldn't be lifting, and he's abandoning his family to go off on a 2 week trip?

What if she or the baby have complications?

@Watters01, you need to set up an emergency contact or two nearby that can get there quickly in case of emergency. Make sure your 7 and 10 year old can call your emergency # . Put your doctor's # in. Set up something with his church for delivering food and possibly pick up and deliver meds if necessary and assist with transportation and emergency childcare if needed. Let a neighbor know you're on your own.

Sorry your husband is a shameless selfish asshole.

Or, just tell him he’s not fucking going.

It’s not insensitive but misguided. I’m sure if OP’s husband had to care for a sick relative or make an essential trip abroad she would crack on like most mums marshalling lots of kids have to. But this is not necessary and it was arranged when circumstances were different. I’m inclined to agree it’s also a bit odd he is so passionate about a fortnight in Lourdes (I’ve also been a couple of times and a short visit was plenty. It’s kind of weird)

He's telling lies. No pilgrimage to Lourdes is two weeks - unless he is walking there.

I think your both unreasonable this should have been sorted out well before now there's no excuse for it. He's a twat if he goes now.

Well, she can tell him but if he's a religious fanatic having mental health issues, she can't physically stop him.

Rational people don't walk out on a freshly postpartum partner with 3 other kids at home and no family support for a trip.

Oh hush.

Tell us about any time in the last 10 years when he has looked after the kids by himself for 2 weeks….

Then tell us about a time when you think he is likely to do it in the next 10 years….

Definitely tell the parish priest about this, as well as the organisers of the trip. If they have any decency, they will tell him he can't come on the trip.
Please don't hesitate to do this.

It sounds like you don't have children yourself.

That's what I was going to suggest.. Ring up the priest and ask him to read the riot act. Ask him who is organising the trip and ring them.

Or failing that ask if knows any kind parishioners who would be able to come over and give you a hand.

But I don't think the whole two weeks is at Lourdes.

OP I am enraged on your behalf.

Unloving and wholly selfish behaviour.

Definitely speak to the priest about this and everyone else who is going and the members of the church he/you attend and ask them all to convince him not to go.

What a selfish man and a disappointment of a father and husband.

Ask the priest if he'll set up a support group for you whilst your husband is away. Start asking for help within the church community , underline it's because your DH is going to be at Lourdes show him up to the people he's trying to impress

I was raised as a Catholic, though I stopped believing a long time ago. Most members of my family are still practising Catholics. However, I don't believe any of them would go to Lourdes, or anywhere else, in OP's circumstances - they would certainly prioritise their families instead, especially with young children, and most especially with a newborn.

Incidentally, around 25 years ago I accompanied my Catholic mother to Lourdes when the person originally supposed to take her fell ill. We were part of a church group and, as I recall, the trip covered 4 or 5 days. So I'm rather surprised that OP's husband is going for a fortnight.

This is not unreasonable of you, but very unreasonable of him. Even if he had booked it months ago, the situation has changed, as in you BOTH have a new baby to look after. He can always go another time. Unless he was going for someone who was ill, but surely someone else could go instead.

Are you serious? I mean god yes, totally right, everyone knows minutes after they are born babies can dress themselves, they take themselves to the toilet, it’s taller than they are standing (which they can’t do) but they’ll work it out, then they roll into the kitchen, roll up a ladder and make themselves a bottle before doing a huge jump into their own bed, where they stay all night, that’s just how newborns are. Easy and super low maintenance.

How old is the baby and are you up and about? This wouldn’t bother me particularly though we don’t holiday separately. Newborns are fairly easy if you don’t need to go anywhere.

It's two weeks, and you already have three children, some of which will be in school. You'll be fine, how do you think single parents cope 🙄

Apart from the fact that you clearly haven’t actually read what she’s put, why should she have to cope like a single parent whilst the father of her four children swans off on holiday? FYI the children will not be at school.