Am I being unreasonable asking my husband to not go away for 2 weeks after just having a baby?

[Watters01]

My DH is a practicing catholic and, around 18 months ago, was asked if he wanted to go on a pilgrimage to Lourdes. I didn’t want to be the bad guy for saying no so I thought what the hey, it’s only 2 weeks, I can handle 3 kids on my own. Fast forward a few months and we found out I was unexpectedly pregnant with our 4th child. I casually mentioned about probably not going on the trip now, as we would have a newborn and it’s a lot to put on me, but he kind of brushed it to one side and said about maybe not doing it. This carried on going like this up until I gave birth with me getting more irate and cross.
Anyway, to cut a long story short, he eventually refused to cancel the trip so in about 2 weeks time I am going to be left on my own for 2 weeks with a newborn, 3yr old, 7yr old and 10yr old. All our family work full time so are unable to help me and to top it off it’s the summer holidays so there’s just no break!
AIBU for being really upset about the whole thing? I appreciate it’s a religious pilgrimage but I feel really resentful and quite. disrespected about the whole thing.

You should be livid. He’s being so cruel and it’s ironic that he is doing it in the name of Christianity. He should be bending over backwards to look after his family at a difficult time. If he is so desperate to go he should arrange and pay for a nanny or some other help to help you, if that is something you would be comfortable with. This would make me seriously consider the relationship honestly.

Why should they come above a wife and children he’s letting down?

Some example he's setting there. He'll go fuck off on a (religious) trip and leave his family including a newborn and post partum mother without help.

That's cold.

Appalling of him. My cousin runs a charity event to take several disabled people to Lourdes annually: he takes his sixth formers to help, they never stay more than about 5 days. If he’s doing this as a personal pilgrimage, that’s pretty bloody selfish, frankly.

Edited to say: when my brother went back in the day, it was basically a piss up.

I would never guess that such a piously religious person could be such a massive cunt 🤷‍♀️

Surely god or Jesus or whoever is low maintenance too and can sit on their cloud quite happy without OPs husband bothering them?

2 weeks? In Lourdes?!

He's taking the piss. What an arsehole.

Show him these comments.

Another "man" hiding behind religion to just be selfish!

If he was going on a lads holiday or a stag do, everyone would be up in arms about it! But because it's a "pilgrimage" there are some that actually justify it! Abandoning his wife and four children at a time of need is the very opposite of a "good catholic "thing to do.

OP - YANBU - I'd be fuming especially when you already expressed your opinion on this way in advance of the trip too.

He’s a selfish twat.

Who on earth goes on a 2week pilgrimage to Lourdes? Bloody ridiculous.

I would resent him for the rest of my life, and leave once it was feasible. Tell him god will be watching you if you go, and think I gave you a wife and 4 children and you’ve abandoned them when they need you, I have nothing else to give a man who doesn’t deserve my gifts, you Job. Expect your family to desert you because you haven’t been a father.

no more babies op, in case yiu use natural family planning!! Use something else since he might be the kind of asshole who won’t.

YANBU
If it's affordable I would tell DH to get holiday clubs sorted for the older ones.

Two week pilgrimage my arse!

YANBU and this is what they mean when they say things change less for men than for women.

Nothing would be more devoted than staying with the family he helped create, Lourdes will still be there but a freshly post partum wife left alone for twonweeks with three other kids ... that's the kind of thing that shakes the bedrock of a relationship. Is he expecting to come back and thinks be hunky dory?

oh don't be so bloody ridiculous.

I’d hide his passport the day before…and I’m a Catholic 😂😂

Crush his balls in the garlic crusher.

He deserves it, and that way there won't be a 5th baby.

WWJD? Seriously - tell him to put his family first and stay home till baby is at least 3 months old (then keep the trip to a week only). If he's disappointed, tell him he can offer his disappointment and suffering up for the souls in purgatory or something.

And he would be happy the other way round?

How sad that your DH doesn't want to spend time with his own newborn baby and would actively prefer to go off on a trip without you all.
Is he usually such a fuckwit?

I think he should shorten the trip and ensure you have a nanny while he's away.
And /or take the three big kids on the trip with him and leave you and your nanny or mum or friends at home with newborn

Or cancel if none of those compromises work

It’s abandonment nonetheless. The reason for the absence doesn’t matter in my opinion. It’s a non-essential trip and the timing is the worst. And I wouldn’t mind betting it’s to deliberately avoid looking after his wife, children, and newborn. Men like this are despicable.

Yes of course, but that doesn’t make it ok. There are lots of examples of poor behaviour that could be minimised by highlighting other even worse behaviour, but this is still completely unacceptable.

This is horrendous- I can’t believe what I’ve just read!

He’s being incredibly selfish and, as others have said, unchristian! How can he justify this to himself?

In what world is a 7 yo a net help rather than needing looking after? Or even a 10 yo?

Gosh my life should be a bed of roses, as my youngest is 11. It should be easier than if they weren’t there!