Things my husband asked me today (light hearted)

[ButtSurgery]

So far today:

Sent him to Lidl with a small shopping list. Phoned to ask whether cottage cheese is the same thing as sour cream and if not, where is it in the shop.

Phoned again to ask how big is 2 pints of milk and is that different from 2 litres of milk.

Phoned later from the local garage to ask if I wanted a new tyre on the car as it has a nail through it and a slow puncture. He is at the garage for an appointment to get the front tyres checked and replaced if needed anyway as they were around the legal minimum.

Phoned again to tell me his work have bounced his expenses because he needs to send them to another email address. What is the email address he needs to contact? (note we work for wholly unrelated employers).

What time is the dog walker coming? Does he need to be here to hand her over or does the dog walker come in with a key and pick her up? (note we have had the walker for months and he knows the drill is to hand the dog over!)

What time am I finishing work? SAME TIME I FINISHED EVERY BLOODY DAY.

Oh there's more but they are the stand out ones. He needs to fuck off back to sea.

More than likely it's not because they're lacking in other areas, but because they've had their ego fed so much for following 'manly' academic routes that they think that having to stop and work something out, outside of their remit is beyond them, and someone else can do the thinking for them.

Not an excuse. When I left home at 17 having never had the chance to do any of the day to day house running tasks, or admin, I still managed to figure it all out.

when going out my DH regularly asks me if he should wear a coat! I started to tell him “you’re an adult I’m sure you can decide this for yourself”.

He now asks me if I’m going to wear my coat 🙄

It's the mental load. It's fucking irritating when they fall into the habit of treating you like they don't want to think for themselves.

Ask him if yo want to wipe his arse for him as well, often enough for him to notice. Or tell him to see his GP as his toodles are obviously slipping if he can't work shit out for himself.

He needs to fuck off back to sea.

He won't be able to find it.

One or two questions - lighthearted...

Three or four - getting annoying but OK, you're having an off day

The six you list here with the caveat 'and there's more' - fuck that, what is the point of him!

No I think he’s thick.

Tell him you're waiting to see what he does first...or reverse it completely and say "do you think I should or not?" 😂

I think a worldwide campaign should be started in which every woman in a relationship with a man who behaves like this should turn the tables.

What's for dinner?
Where's my favourite shoes?
Have you seen my handbag?
Do you know what cupsize I am? Buying a new bra.

The list is endless women. Go for it! 😁

My husband (75), does absolutely what he can, didn't ask me (46) anything, but since I'm going on a (duty visit) holiday to see my mother, he said in a very sad voice "And now I'll have to think for
myself".
He'll do fine (married for 20 years).

The other husband sounds terribly uninformed.

Funnily enough, he has weeded everywhere today. Thank god. It was a bit triffid-like around here.

Don’t be so uptight! It’s funny

It’s not remotely funny. This isn’t just someone having a daft moment and minimal common sense. It’s someone who has proved themselves to be a fully functioning adult, using another adult to do all of their thinking for them because they can’t be bothered to listen to their wife. It’s demeaning.

This is probably an element of it. He's very clean and tidy, likes minimalism, laundry isn't an issue except for the testing of whether clothes are damp, but other people do the cooking, food planning, organising of his life etc. Calm in a real crisis but incapable of choosing between two options for dinner.

No, he's been shore based and living at home for the last decade....

Oh you'll love this one then...
OH- shall we have steak for dinner
Me- well that would be lovely. Ok Ill take the dog home and you can go to the supermarket
OH- good idea, do you want anything?
Me- no, I am good
1 hour later, I come downstairs can smell food. He is serving up, for one person.
Me- where is mi e?
OH- you said you didnt want anything
Apparently I have to specify he should make dinner for two people. Honestly the mind boggles

‘Have you moved my………I know I left it ….and now it’s gone?’ used to be a constant refrain around here until he finally twigged that he’s both absent minded and untidy and the likelihood is that he’d left it somewhere else and forgotten. It took years for him to
properly understand that it really was him though.

He knows better than to even ask now, we just have a tongue-in-cheek ‘Someone’s stolen my …again!’ whilst he goes hunting around the house.

A quick cure for ‘ can you help me find my…?’ after what was clearly a half-arsed attempt turned out to be:
‘Where have you already looked?’
‘Er in the airing cupboard/my drawers/the ironing basket/whatever’
‘Ok well we won’t need to look there then will we if you’ve already looked.’
‘Erm, I’ll just go back and double-check…’

He has a mum who used to scuttle around after him smoothing the way and we married young so it took a bit of training but it’s all good now.

I did not scuttle around after DS (or DD for that matter) and he left home in the full understanding that a woman is not there to think for him and tidy up after him! DIL is very thankful!

I would have been absolutely murderous.... And I wouldn't be cooking for him for some time without a VERY large and sincere apology involving things like eating out and making amends.

Yeah I think boredom is at the heart of this. He is finding any excuse to talk to you (which is kind of sweet I suppose, better you than another woman!) to give himself something to do.

I suspect if he was working in a more traditional 9-5 job this wouldnt be happening.

Has your dynamic always been....you cope alone when he is away and you miss each other. He comes home and totally fucks up your carefully arranged life and acts like a lost puppy wanting your attention all the time?

This is stuff they learn when they are about 7yrs old?

I don’t know - I taught in a secondary school, and retired a few years ago.

My y7 classes didn’t know it reliably before we covered it. I couldn’t comment on whether they remembered it ten years after that. 😃

We fell out the other day as my daughter was baking biscuits and he was supervising whilst I was working from home. He shouted to me what temp should the oven go on… I snapped back as was rudely interrupted from my work ‘I don’t know every bloody recipe… you’ve got the book right in front of you’ then he couldn’t find the actual oven temp so I still had to end up sorting it out 😤 cue WW3 😆

It's ages ago now but, every Tuesday evening, DH would arrive home from work and ask me where DS was. Every single time.

He's at Cubs/Scouts/Explorers, where he's been going every Tuesday evening for the past eight years.

Hahaha, my DH is like this too. He calls me The Oracle 😩

Anyone else know the "Lighthouse Look" which is what we called my second sons attempt at looking for anything.

So he would stand up, do a 360 and if the thing he was looking for wasnt in his eye line then it couldnt be found. And the gods forbid that something might have to be moved, a drawer have to be opened or an effort made!

Suggest he volunteers somewhere. Cadets? Scouts? Surely they need some help for camps this summer...