Things my husband asked me today (light hearted)

[ButtSurgery]

So far today:

Sent him to Lidl with a small shopping list. Phoned to ask whether cottage cheese is the same thing as sour cream and if not, where is it in the shop.

Phoned again to ask how big is 2 pints of milk and is that different from 2 litres of milk.

Phoned later from the local garage to ask if I wanted a new tyre on the car as it has a nail through it and a slow puncture. He is at the garage for an appointment to get the front tyres checked and replaced if needed anyway as they were around the legal minimum.

Phoned again to tell me his work have bounced his expenses because he needs to send them to another email address. What is the email address he needs to contact? (note we work for wholly unrelated employers).

What time is the dog walker coming? Does he need to be here to hand her over or does the dog walker come in with a key and pick her up? (note we have had the walker for months and he knows the drill is to hand the dog over!)

What time am I finishing work? SAME TIME I FINISHED EVERY BLOODY DAY.

Oh there's more but they are the stand out ones. He needs to fuck off back to sea.

Oh god, the ‘Can’t find in the supermarket’ texts. Why can’t they just ask, I don’t know; someone who works there? It’s like asking for directions. Must be a man thing.

The milk thing is crazy.

Love the American female comedian who, in her show, always asks 'whose husband/partner has text /called them' since they left the house to go to her show!

Some of the answers are hilarious!/maddening

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Back in the days before satnavs, there were many umpteen tales about men who were told by their map-reading wives to turn left here (well in advance), didn't turn left for some reason and then went on driving at speed along the wrong road. Likewise the idea of stopping and asking for directions once they had managed to get thoroughly lost was clearly out of the range of "possible". Having got lost through not following directions was of course the map-reading wife's fault.

My husband video calls from the supermarket to get me to guide him to different sections like a game of knightmare. Two steps left, down, down, grab! It’s ridiculous. He’s been going to the same supermarket for nearly a decade.

Recently, every time I ask DH a question he automatically responds with 'Sorry?' and a quizzical expression. He has definitely heard me because if I wait silently for a second or two grinding my teeth in rage he actually answers my question.

For the love of God, why?

WTF.

Well OP, mine weren't questions, but the day before yesterday, during something I was trying to watch, I got unnecessarily read to -

1. The diet sheet his doctor gave him (he then said it would be nice to know what foods were good or not, as it just gave vague stuff. I said have a look on your phone, it's never out of your hand anyway!)
2. The whole of the internet on foods that are good for his heart, cholesterol etc.
3. The entire Hairy Dieters Cookery book, which has been gathering dust on the bookcase since I bought it. Tell a lie, I've done two recipes!
4. The whole of the tv guide for the evening, every single bloody channel! Even when I kept saying it's ok, I'll have a look on my phone app.
5. The instructions for a solar charger he's bought. Then he asked me how I thought it should work as he didn't know if he was using it right.

I'm thinking of setting up a Go Fund Me to buy an island and then offering places to MNetters who have PITA other halves! Who's in?!

I could also hear him asking the kids who the tshirt was on the clothes airer despite there being a 5 year age gap and them obviously being completely different sizes

Long time ago, my Dad came home from work complaining bitterly about how uncomfortable his Y-Fronts were. On investigation, it transpired he'd actually been wearing my 8 year old brother's Y-Fronts all day!

The very small Y-Fronts had inadvertently got put away in my Dad's underwear drawer, so he'd just painfully inserted himself into them. He never once clocked that they were a quarter of the size of his usual underwear.

Asked me if the dishwasher was empty, as he stood beside said dishwasher and I was sitting on the sofa in a different room.

I answer ‘don’t know’ to try and wean H off this habit.

Where is the tape measure?
Where are my spare glasses?
Wheres my wallet?
Wheres the Chinese menu?
Wheres the screws I left on the window ledge 174 years ago that I now urgently need?

Theyre all in DHs man drawer. Whatever he’s looking for is always in the man drawer.

unless it’s a food stuff, then it’s probably in the fridge, roughly in the same spot he’s been staring at for 2 minutes and still can’t see whatever it is he’s looking for!!!!

Christ. How does he manage to stay upright?!

I am neurodivergent and manage to live my life without outsourcing it to a mummy figure.

I showed this to my husband. He said, “it’s almost like he loves her and wants to talk to her.” So I feel your pain. I regularly ask mine whether he is (a) really this stupid or (b) worried that his mouth will seal up if he doesn’t flap it irrelevantly every two minutes.

😂😂😂 Thanks! I'm crying at this!

My mother was on some sort of Ladies' Club coach trip - they'd got about three miles out of their little Welsh town when the driver pulled over and yelled 'If you don't tell your 'usbands to stop phoning you, I'm bloody well turning round and taking you all 'ome!'

🤣

It was all 'What am I having for my lunch? Well where have you put it? Can I put it in the microwave? How long for? What time does the dog go for a walk? It's raining, should I get the washing in?'

Ha, when I'm asked these types of questions by OH (or DCs) I always reply "Well, what do you think?" in a pseudo pedagogical/teacher kinda way 😅

And you enable that? Jesus.

My DH to me; “do you want milk in your coffee?” We’ve been married 25 years, together 27, I have NEVER drunk coffee with milk in all that time……🤷‍♀️

Right so when you said he needs to fuck off back to the sea you literally meant as in his job in the Navy?
Because I thought you meant like whales went back into the sea and laughed my head off, it was an upleveled mn favourite "get in the bin"

I channel Sybil Fawlty with "I really don't know bro" (followed by "perhaps she's twelve" in my head).

Sometimes he repeats the question or says "you don't know?" so I just say it again "I really don't know".

I used to google things or get up and look or whatever, to hand him the answer so now him asking a second time is really him trying to get me to find out for him.

Slightly less light hearted was when I'd driven 3 hours to be with my dying parent and DH texted me to ask what time school pick up was. I just didn't answer. He seemed to manage, but my disappointment in him at that moment has lasted several years.

They pay him