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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Dr called me rude then got offended when I called him rude back

159 replies

amilea · 23/07/2025 19:33

I had a telephone call with a consultant today and he said i interrupted and Overspoke him and he called me rude this is something I struggle with especially with phone conversations as how do you know when the person has finished talking but i accept this is rude so didnt argue it or say anything back. When he had definitely finished talking I said can I speak now please and then within my first sentence he interrupted me so I said you're being rude im talking and my god he went off like a bottle of pop and how insulting it is that I called him rude and how he cant continue being my dr if I think he's rude. At this point im crying and he said I dont want you to get upset but im not going to help you if you insult me. It ended with him referring me to someone else. But why does he think its ok to call me rude but its not ok for me to call him rude, I said the exact thing to him as what he said to me. But just because he's a dr its ok for him to say whatever he wants and not for me.
Aibu to think that where all human and just because he's a dr it doesnt make what I said worse.

OP posts:
R0ckandHardPlace · 23/07/2025 19:38

He does sound rude but two ‘rudes’ don’t make a polite. Unfortunately sometimes you just have to keep your mouth shut and play the game. You’ll probably have to wait months now for an appointment with another consultant.

Justagirl95 · 23/07/2025 19:40

Mhm

amilea · 23/07/2025 19:42

R0ckandHardPlace · 23/07/2025 19:38

He does sound rude but two ‘rudes’ don’t make a polite. Unfortunately sometimes you just have to keep your mouth shut and play the game. You’ll probably have to wait months now for an appointment with another consultant.

I know i should of kept my mouth shut and its me iv ruined it for in the long run but im so sick and tired of drs egos they seem to think they can do and say whatever they want and nobody will say anything back because they are drs and then when you do they cant handle it

OP posts:
CaptainFuture · 23/07/2025 19:44

It all sounds very dramatic and intense. Is this usual for the interactions you have?

saltinesandcoffeecups · 23/07/2025 19:45

R0ckandHardPlace · 23/07/2025 19:38

He does sound rude but two ‘rudes’ don’t make a polite. Unfortunately sometimes you just have to keep your mouth shut and play the game. You’ll probably have to wait months now for an appointment with another consultant.

two ‘rudes’ don’t make a polite

🤣 Love this!

@amilea maybe I’m having trouble visualizing this and happy to be told I’m being stupid, but how many times did you interrupt him?

MyUmberSeal · 23/07/2025 19:47

The way the NHS is at the moment, I’d let a consultant call me scuzzy cunt and I’d still nod and say thank you very much.

HurrayDuvet · 23/07/2025 19:47

As a doctor, I would never talk like this to a patient. I might think it, but I would not get into an interaction like that. It sounds incredibly unprofessional, the whole conversation.

amilea · 23/07/2025 19:48

saltinesandcoffeecups · 23/07/2025 19:45

two ‘rudes’ don’t make a polite

🤣 Love this!

@amilea maybe I’m having trouble visualizing this and happy to be told I’m being stupid, but how many times did you interrupt him?

Im not sure i absolutely put my hands up to doing this i find it so hard on the phone to tell when someone's finished and he was talking alot I had stuff to say to.

OP posts:
sandyhappypeople · 23/07/2025 19:51

OP, you sound like you were combative during the whole conversation, to say I said "can I speak now please?" when someone has finished talking IS rude, not to mention passive aggressive.

You accept you were rude by interrupting him and talking over him, why are you so angry with doctors? are you not getting somewhere with an issue you are having?

What were you saying when he interrupted you? were you talking about your issues or were you complaining about the conversation?

amilea · 23/07/2025 19:52

MyUmberSeal · 23/07/2025 19:47

The way the NHS is at the moment, I’d let a consultant call me scuzzy cunt and I’d still nod and say thank you very much.

🤣🤣🤣

OP posts:
amilea · 23/07/2025 19:53

sandyhappypeople · 23/07/2025 19:51

OP, you sound like you were combative during the whole conversation, to say I said "can I speak now please?" when someone has finished talking IS rude, not to mention passive aggressive.

You accept you were rude by interrupting him and talking over him, why are you so angry with doctors? are you not getting somewhere with an issue you are having?

What were you saying when he interrupted you? were you talking about your issues or were you complaining about the conversation?

I was trying to talk about the issue

OP posts:
chatgptsbestmate · 23/07/2025 19:54

MyUmberSeal · 23/07/2025 19:47

The way the NHS is at the moment, I’d let a consultant call me scuzzy cunt and I’d still nod and say thank you very much.

Yes. I agree. However if I'd paid for the Consultants services I'd not be impressed

Wizardonabroom · 23/07/2025 19:54

I assume calls are recorded so if you do complain about him, they should be able to listen to the call and decide whether to follow up with the doctor.

amilea · 23/07/2025 19:55

Wizardonabroom · 23/07/2025 19:54

I assume calls are recorded so if you do complain about him, they should be able to listen to the call and decide whether to follow up with the doctor.

I wouldn't complain iv had drs do far worse then call me rude before I wasnt bothered it was him that was bothered and got offended

OP posts:
Anyonecanachieve · 23/07/2025 19:57

sandyhappypeople · 23/07/2025 19:51

OP, you sound like you were combative during the whole conversation, to say I said "can I speak now please?" when someone has finished talking IS rude, not to mention passive aggressive.

You accept you were rude by interrupting him and talking over him, why are you so angry with doctors? are you not getting somewhere with an issue you are having?

What were you saying when he interrupted you? were you talking about your issues or were you complaining about the conversation?

Nope she was clarifying he had finished. The big powerful male doctor didn’t let the female patient speak. He sounds awful. I would complain about him.
listening to you first should have be the start - then him talking about options etc

I saw a consultant yesterday he started off asking me the problem which I outlined, he then asked me two follow up questions about the x ray, then listed two options for treatment and asking for my questions on each one and then asked me what I wanted - option 2 - great he said I’ll put you on a list for surgery with me in 3-6 months time but if you want any more info or change your mind and want to do option 1. Let me know. But as discussed option 2 is the option that gives you a pain free outcome and surgery pretty much always sorts it better. Done

DPotter · 23/07/2025 19:57

Wizardonabroom · 23/07/2025 19:54

I assume calls are recorded so if you do complain about him, they should be able to listen to the call and decide whether to follow up with the doctor.

You can assume, but you would be wrong.

Squishymallows · 23/07/2025 19:59

Wow I just can’t imagine this happening with me. I’ve seen quite a few doctors and I’ve just been grateful tbh!!

AnnaMagnani · 23/07/2025 20:00

I don't think the NHS has got as far as recording telephone consultations from consultants. Am a consultant and given I just use random phones in clinic rooms/offices/work mobile working out a recording for each patient would be a nightmare.

It does sound like the consultation was going wrong before it even began.

I don't tend to interrupt patients but each consultation is time limited and sometimes you just have to in order to get focus back on the reason for the call.

Arthurnewyorkcity · 23/07/2025 20:01

I agree with you op. Some doctors do have a god complex, like all humans. I asked a consultant very politely if he felt capable of performing a revision surgery.. he'd messed it up round 1! His face dropped but he was very polite and courteous and said I was right to ask. I have no doubt I peed him off by asking even if he didnt show it. I wasn't trying to be rude but genuinely worried after attempt 1 went badly and now has life long consequences so wanted to know he was confident.

I would write to the practice, not necessarily in a complaint manner as not much point but just so it's not documented that you're not a rude patient and you expect appropiate care.

LemondrizzleShark · 23/07/2025 20:01

Wizardonabroom · 23/07/2025 19:54

I assume calls are recorded so if you do complain about him, they should be able to listen to the call and decide whether to follow up with the doctor.

They aren’t generally recorded, no. Any more than in-person clinic appointment are videoed.

amilea · 23/07/2025 20:01

AnnaMagnani · 23/07/2025 20:00

I don't think the NHS has got as far as recording telephone consultations from consultants. Am a consultant and given I just use random phones in clinic rooms/offices/work mobile working out a recording for each patient would be a nightmare.

It does sound like the consultation was going wrong before it even began.

I don't tend to interrupt patients but each consultation is time limited and sometimes you just have to in order to get focus back on the reason for the call.

He spoke way more then I did

OP posts:
amilea · 23/07/2025 20:04

Iv just checked call log it was 8minutes 54 seconds

OP posts:
doodleschnoodle · 23/07/2025 20:04

I had a phone call the other day from dentist and there was some weird delay on the line. She would stop talking so I would begin, but then she would continue but then stop a few second later as the delayed me was then coming through on the line. It was very tricky! I hope she didn’t think I was rude, but we were both talking over each other anyway due to the way the line was.

dottiedodah · 23/07/2025 20:04

Thing is Doctor's have only a limited time to talk to each patient really. He is giving you information based on his experience and medical knowledge. You are shooting yourself in the foot by being combative.my consultant appointments mostly consist of him talking and me listening!

LookingAtMyBhunas · 23/07/2025 20:06

Well, did you insult him? What did you say?

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