Dr called me rude then got offended when I called him rude back

[amilea]

I had a telephone call with a consultant today and he said i interrupted and Overspoke him and he called me rude this is something I struggle with especially with phone conversations as how do you know when the person has finished talking but i accept this is rude so didnt argue it or say anything back. When he had definitely finished talking I said can I speak now please and then within my first sentence he interrupted me so I said you're being rude im talking and my god he went off like a bottle of pop and how insulting it is that I called him rude and how he cant continue being my dr if I think he's rude. At this point im crying and he said I dont want you to get upset but im not going to help you if you insult me. It ended with him referring me to someone else. But why does he think its ok to call me rude but its not ok for me to call him rude, I said the exact thing to him as what he said to me. But just because he's a dr its ok for him to say whatever he wants and not for me.
Aibu to think that where all human and just because he's a dr it doesnt make what I said worse.

Oh well that's good! At least he can't be rude to you again.

Doctors should be in listening mode, not speaking over patients and telling them they’re rude. He may have just been having a very bad day.

Agree with others that what you’ve described sounds like autistic traits. Maybe the doctor has these too and it was bad social communication skills all round.

You missed the 'you pay their wages!!!' buy there...

I am a vet and speak to lots of owners on the phone. Most conversations are pleasant and very much a two way street (listening and talking) but there are some clients who barely take a breath, don’t let you explain anything, speak over you and it is frustrating because presumably they want their test results and a treatment plan but they can make it very difficult to get there.
I’m not saying this is what happened in your case and perhaps the consultant was out of order, but it is important to listen to what they have to say and then respond. Ideally have a notepad with you, note down the points they’ve made and then rather than interrupting midflow to correct something or question further, wait for a natural pause and then come back to anything that wasn’t clear, rather than rushing in. I know it’s tempting to do this especially if you are worried that a point will be missed. Sometimes you can miss other things that are said while you are waiting for a pause to jump in and speak again. I do sometimes offer to send across what we have discussed in an email if the owner is worried they will forget or won’t understand everything we discussed.

@LemondrizzleShark @DPotter @HurrayDuvet Thank you for letting me know. The calls in my school are recorded so I thought this would be quite common amongst public services. I've been very glad of the recorded conversations at times when I've needed to investigate something or support a colleague.

Truthfully, rightly or wrongly I would have done the same as you. If someone called a behaviour rude then did the exact same thing it would have really irritated me, regardless of who they were.

Iv written exactly what I said i barely got to speak so their really wasnt anything else.

Im definitely going to do the notepad thing in the future

I have never or would I ever say that to anyone now that is rude and he would have every right to lose his 💩 if I said that

Absolutely not acceptable for someone in a public facing profession to speak to a member of the public like this. No. That is very unprofessional. I would put in a formal complaint. The replies saying that they think doctors should be allowed to be rude/ unprofessional are bizarre. He was worse than you because he is a paid working professional and it sounds like he has broken his code of conduct.

Are you 12?

Of course they can’t just “say anything”, but frankly you did come across as rude imo.

He’s presumably the only dr you had to talk to that day, whereas he has to talk to a bunch of different stressed out patients. Unless it’s something truly egregious I’d just let it slide and be a bit more understanding.

Its possible which is why i would never complain over a silly little argument as its not that deep but hopefully in the future this situation can be avoided by me taking some of the tips people have shared on here

What the poster said is nothing like “I pay your wages”. She’s pointing out that he’s the paid professional and should act like one. He shouldn’t be berating patients, it’s incredibly unprofessional.

Are you 12?

Of course they can’t just “say anything”, but frankly you did come across as rude imo.

The irony of your post.

Some times your feel like you’ve entered a parallel dimension on certain threads!

You inflamed the situation then. You weren't talking to a 6 year old child. I would have loved to have heard exactly how the conversation went between the 2 of you.

The trouble with doctors is that they think they are superior, and many just can't face it when told they are being rude and patronising.

Phone calls don't help.

On a social level, it's generally rude to accuse someone else of being rude. But if he had tried something professional like "I know you must be upset, but please try to focus on what I am saying and let me finish, then if you still have questions I'll do my best to answer them" and you were still interrupting him, then maybe he thought the shock value of calling you rude would snap you out of it. As things proceeded, you were both rude, but he is supposed to be the experienced professional. Perhaps in the long run, you are better off with a doctor who has some "people skills".

No, I didn't. Its entirely irrelevant who is paying for a service. It should be performed with skill, care and professionalism regardless. I said what I intended to say and missed nothing.

You inflamed the situation then. You weren't talking to a 6 year old child

That's whet the doctor said to her first though, and she isnt a child either.

I actually had two telephone appointments today the other with my gp who I also interrupted him🙈 but he said no its ok you go but he's quite use to me so it doesnt seem to bother him or hes good at keeping it inside if it does.

Good on you.
I'd love to see his face drop. 😅 pity you missed it.

Can’t say if you were rude or not, but I’d be happy to be referred to someone else after dealing with something similiar myself. If you’re asking people questions to help them, surely you should be letting them talk, not talking over them, even more so if they’re trying to tell you the information you have is incorrect.

I recently called 111 and the person that was doing my assessment was rude. He kept interrupting me as I was telling him my symptoms. I was answering the questions he was asking me! He didn’t like my answer for how my skin felt so repeated it again and asked me to describe it differently. I asked him to explain and he sounded exasperated, quite abrupt with me and asked does my skin feel like a cold fish. I don’t particularly know the feeling since I don’t touch fish with my hands and not sure what was wrong with my answer that my skin felt cold and clammy which I think is a common term. I was calm, polite, didn’t raise my voice, apologised when my 1 yo made a noise in the background, and my answers weren’t long-winded. I told DH about it when I hung up and he said do it via the web. Will do that from now on.

Thankfully, the gentleman who contacted me was much better, let me finish my sentences, and sent me to out of hours gp who then sent me straight to the hospital. Strangulated paraumbilical hernia, immediate surgery needed.

😂😂😂😂😂

I probably agree, although I will say, OP, I’m quite hard to offend and I normally see the good in people but of the many, many doctors I have dealt with (I see a fair few different specialists for my disabled son as well as the odd one for myself or my other child), most have been wonderful but there are two I’ve met whose arrogance was completely astounding, and who correspondingly were unmissably rude. I obviously didn’t say anything and was frostily polite because I didn’t want to piss them off but if yours was like them then tbh good on you for not standing for it!

It's a shame it went like that. Funnily I've usually found Consultants to be polite, not all obviously but generally. Junior doctors on the other hand aren't always great but I tend to think they are probably under a lot of pressure, student loans, long hours etc.

Hope you get a new appointment soon.