Dr called me rude then got offended when I called him rude back

[amilea]

I had a telephone call with a consultant today and he said i interrupted and Overspoke him and he called me rude this is something I struggle with especially with phone conversations as how do you know when the person has finished talking but i accept this is rude so didnt argue it or say anything back. When he had definitely finished talking I said can I speak now please and then within my first sentence he interrupted me so I said you're being rude im talking and my god he went off like a bottle of pop and how insulting it is that I called him rude and how he cant continue being my dr if I think he's rude. At this point im crying and he said I dont want you to get upset but im not going to help you if you insult me. It ended with him referring me to someone else. But why does he think its ok to call me rude but its not ok for me to call him rude, I said the exact thing to him as what he said to me. But just because he's a dr its ok for him to say whatever he wants and not for me.
Aibu to think that where all human and just because he's a dr it doesnt make what I said worse.

Cocky*

Hmm. There’s always an outlier ofc and the odd one will be rude, but consultants usually have pretty impeccable people skills and it takes a lot for patients to push them. They’ve seen and heard it all. I feel you may be downplaying your role in this…

Well it is what it is now he said its not a good idea for him to be my dr if I think hes rude so it was him that made the decision

Im honestly not i barely got to speak

There’s always an outlier ofc and the odd one will be rude, but consultants usually have pretty impeccable people skills

NHS Fife would like a word...

You know what, you make a very good point! I’m going off my own experiences but, you’re right…!

Maybe you should raise a complaint OP. Hope you get on better next time with your new doc ♥️

Or asking that might actually be a asking permission to speak when confronted with a figure of authority telling you off

especially for someone with social difficulties.

Phone conversations are so much more difficult when you can’t see the other person’s face, the cues that they have finished talking and so on. I think the doctor was wrong to call you rude, and he shouldn’t dish it out if he can’t take it!
I hope you get another appointment soon. Don’t beat yourself up over this.

Sounds like he was an odd ball OP. He could of said please let me finish and then il listen or something like that. Not professional to call you rude, it was an accident and he isn't a teacher!

I have met many GPs with a bit of an attitude problem over the years. Don't know if it's god complex or the stresses of the job just grinds them down.

Either way I always ask myself with stuff like this - did I intend any harm or was it an accidental error. You apologised when he picked you up on it. He should have had the grace and humour to do the same when you returned the favour. You sound like a good normal person who had an unfortunate encounter as we all do have sometimes due to misunderstanding, limited time and people having odd personalities or bad days.

Let it go now. It's done and no permanent harm caused.

Speak to another Dr

You were probably hostile and rude from the beginning. You seem to be angry at all doctors. The common denominator in all of these interactions is you.

My experience of every consultant has been one of I'm the big man.
I understand that feeling. I try not to pre empt any meetings I've had but it's usually been that.

Unfortunately they don't have the time they'd like to have, and I respect that.
This often comes across as disinterest and at times when one is pretty vulnerable.

WRONG!
of course the patient should be doing most of the talking if it is an appointment about an issue. The GP would talk more only if it was an appointment to detail a treatment plan.

In that case OP, I would say the next time, if this happens again, just say "I think I'm undiagnosed autistic and I can't always gauge the right time to ask questions so please bare with me and my communication needs. I have questions I'd like to ask so please let me know the best time to ask them".

Once people understand, they are so much nicer. They realise you aren't being rude, you just are being direct and trying to accomplish the task in hand, which is completely fine.❤

Oh my goodness, that's what so many consultants are like. They have God complexes. Shrug it off.

That wasn't directed to you.

Brilliant 👏

Bring back the laughing emoji 😂

"...but i accept this is rude so didn't argue it or say anything back."

Did you tell him that you accept it was rude and that wasn't your intention?

If not, it probably sounded like you didn't accept it.

Speaking of rude....

No as I would of been told of again for interrupting.

Hmm. Perhaps. It would be unusual to be told off for apologising. Apologising when you know you're in the wrong usually defuses a situation.

I was thinking this too. If someone started shouting, swearing etc then I wouod give then a warning that if they continued the call would be ended, but just interrupting because not sure when finished speaking, I would never call someone rude.

However, I do have a few colleagues that expect patients and anyone even slightly less senior to be 'yes sir, no sir, how high sir' and I could definitely imagine them behaving like this.

On the whole I've found the Consultants pretty polite and they tend to speak to me as their equal. Their registrars or junior doctors (whatever they are called nowadays not so much).

I think the worst was, without looking up "You all turn up late, and now you are all here at once". I replied, I was on time and my appointment was 30 minutes late. I walked out and asked if I could be sent an appointment to see the consultant as I didn't deal with people who were rude. The consultant phoned me later that afternoon and apologised. It was years ago as ds1 was a baby; I declined a further appointment and went private.