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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Dr called me rude then got offended when I called him rude back

159 replies

amilea · 23/07/2025 19:33

I had a telephone call with a consultant today and he said i interrupted and Overspoke him and he called me rude this is something I struggle with especially with phone conversations as how do you know when the person has finished talking but i accept this is rude so didnt argue it or say anything back. When he had definitely finished talking I said can I speak now please and then within my first sentence he interrupted me so I said you're being rude im talking and my god he went off like a bottle of pop and how insulting it is that I called him rude and how he cant continue being my dr if I think he's rude. At this point im crying and he said I dont want you to get upset but im not going to help you if you insult me. It ended with him referring me to someone else. But why does he think its ok to call me rude but its not ok for me to call him rude, I said the exact thing to him as what he said to me. But just because he's a dr its ok for him to say whatever he wants and not for me.
Aibu to think that where all human and just because he's a dr it doesnt make what I said worse.

OP posts:
ArtTheClown · 23/07/2025 20:23

But GP consultations should predominantly be the GP talking

This was a consultant bot a GP but that aside, they'll have a hard time working out what's wrong with you if they do all the talking, how are they meant to know what you're in for without asking you?

I think he was a rude unprofessional twat, I think plenty on MN think wee wummin should grovel to the mighty NHS doctors, and I think poor OP has autism-like communication difficulties.

amilea · 23/07/2025 20:23

SunnySideDeepDown · 23/07/2025 20:19

But GP consultations should predominantly be the GP talking. Of course you need time to describe what’s wrong but he’s the doctor, and he has 10 mins to find out what’s wrong and sort your treatment and referral.

Why were you talking over him?

You sound confrontational and abrasive. Doctors don’t deserve attitude. Just keep it professional and thank them for their advice. No need to start making it aggressive with counter accusations of rudeness, it’s totally unnecessary.

He's not a gp and when he clearly hasnt bothered looking at my medical history and is getting the most basic information wrong i need to speak to correct him

OP posts:
amilea · 23/07/2025 20:25

ArtTheClown · 23/07/2025 20:23

But GP consultations should predominantly be the GP talking

This was a consultant bot a GP but that aside, they'll have a hard time working out what's wrong with you if they do all the talking, how are they meant to know what you're in for without asking you?

I think he was a rude unprofessional twat, I think plenty on MN think wee wummin should grovel to the mighty NHS doctors, and I think poor OP has autism-like communication difficulties.

Iv honestly been questioning this all afternoon i have bpd and I often think its actually misdiagnosed autism and things like today really make me question it more

OP posts:
hmmimnotsurewhy · 23/07/2025 20:26

You came across as very rude with interrupting and then even ruder with your ‘can I speak now’. I can understand why he referred you on.

5128gap · 23/07/2025 20:27

SunnySideDeepDown · 23/07/2025 20:19

But GP consultations should predominantly be the GP talking. Of course you need time to describe what’s wrong but he’s the doctor, and he has 10 mins to find out what’s wrong and sort your treatment and referral.

Why were you talking over him?

You sound confrontational and abrasive. Doctors don’t deserve attitude. Just keep it professional and thank them for their advice. No need to start making it aggressive with counter accusations of rudeness, it’s totally unnecessary.

How can a GP find out what's wrong if he's predominantly doing the talking himself? Read from the encyclopedia of ailments and ask the patient to to nod if a symptom sounds familiar?

amilea · 23/07/2025 20:27

tripleginandtonic · 23/07/2025 20:22

He's the one with the knowledge though, so you did need to listen. As time is presumably tight on the call,he probably had to interrupt you in order to get the info he needed asap. Yabu.

The call lasted under 9 minutes if he actually let me speak or had bothered to read some of my medical history it would of been alot more productive and probably quicker

OP posts:
Nursingadvice · 23/07/2025 20:28

amilea · 23/07/2025 20:25

Iv honestly been questioning this all afternoon i have bpd and I often think its actually misdiagnosed autism and things like today really make me question it more

OP I didn’t want to say, but your posts screamed autism to me. I do t mean that rudely at all. But the struggling to pick up on social cues over the phone, coming across as rude, seeing the situation in quite a black and white way.
Maybe as someone is speaking to you on the phone, have a notepad and as things are popping in to your head, make a note, and then mention them at the end so you don’t need to interrupt.
I have ADHD and really struggle not to interrupt people. My work involves many team meetings and I find that difficult in the same way as you do phone calls.

ArtTheClown · 23/07/2025 20:29

Iv honestly been questioning this all afternoon i have bpd and I often think its actually misdiagnosed autism and things like today really make me question it more

Honestly I would pursue that. I have a diagnoses and your communication style is screaming Aspie to me.

BoudiccaRuled · 23/07/2025 20:29

HurrayDuvet · 23/07/2025 19:47

As a doctor, I would never talk like this to a patient. I might think it, but I would not get into an interaction like that. It sounds incredibly unprofessional, the whole conversation.

I'm thinking you might feel differently if you heard the other side to the story!

JayJayj · 23/07/2025 20:30

You should definitely complain. That’s absolutely out of order. Doesn’t matter if you’ve had worse.

PearlsMaybe · 23/07/2025 20:31

I get in this situation a lot but I think that "politeness" is mostly in the tone of voice.

There are many different ways to say "can I speak now" and it's the tone of voice that makes the difference.

OP - maybe you could record yourself having a conversation with a family member and compare your tone of voice to a public figure that you really respect. Perhaps someone like Michael Parkinson Michael Aspel. They are really emolient characters. Perhaps you could try to pick up some of their gentle tone so you can interrupt and get your say without getting in difficulties with stressed medics.

Clarinet1 · 23/07/2025 20:31

Well you know the old joke -
Q - What’s the difference between a doctor and God?
A - God doesn’t think He’s a doctor!

amilea · 23/07/2025 20:31

Nursingadvice · 23/07/2025 20:28

OP I didn’t want to say, but your posts screamed autism to me. I do t mean that rudely at all. But the struggling to pick up on social cues over the phone, coming across as rude, seeing the situation in quite a black and white way.
Maybe as someone is speaking to you on the phone, have a notepad and as things are popping in to your head, make a note, and then mention them at the end so you don’t need to interrupt.
I have ADHD and really struggle not to interrupt people. My work involves many team meetings and I find that difficult in the same way as you do phone calls.

I dont take it rudely at all. That's a brilliant tip thankyou because I do think the reason I interrupt people is if I dont il forget. Honestly thankyou I will definitely do that in the future.

OP posts:
rosiejaune · 23/07/2025 20:32

Yes I was going to ask if you were autistic too. It's common for women to be misdiagnosed (or not diagnosed).

I don't do phone calls at all since I realised why I struggle with them. Though it's hard to get anyone to make reasonable adjustments anyway! The NHS is very resistant to using email.

amilea · 23/07/2025 20:33

Clarinet1 · 23/07/2025 20:31

Well you know the old joke -
Q - What’s the difference between a doctor and God?
A - God doesn’t think He’s a doctor!

🤣🤣

OP posts:
BatchCookBabe · 23/07/2025 20:34

amilea · 23/07/2025 20:09

To see if people think its ok for drs to say anything because their drs

Hmmm, well I have experienced rude doctors (though not often thankfully,) but I have just not said anything, and forgotten about it. I have never made an appointment with that doctor again though. Can you see/speak to another doctor in future?

amilea · 23/07/2025 20:34

PearlsMaybe · 23/07/2025 20:31

I get in this situation a lot but I think that "politeness" is mostly in the tone of voice.

There are many different ways to say "can I speak now" and it's the tone of voice that makes the difference.

OP - maybe you could record yourself having a conversation with a family member and compare your tone of voice to a public figure that you really respect. Perhaps someone like Michael Parkinson Michael Aspel. They are really emolient characters. Perhaps you could try to pick up some of their gentle tone so you can interrupt and get your say without getting in difficulties with stressed medics.

Yeah i think my tone is what gets me in trouble a lot its something that has been said to me in the past

OP posts:
ConcernedOfClapham · 23/07/2025 20:34

amilea · 23/07/2025 19:42

I know i should of kept my mouth shut and its me iv ruined it for in the long run but im so sick and tired of drs egos they seem to think they can do and say whatever they want and nobody will say anything back because they are drs and then when you do they cant handle it

Chalk it up to experience and be the bigger person.

Isittimeformynapyet · 23/07/2025 20:34

MyUmberSeal · 23/07/2025 19:47

The way the NHS is at the moment, I’d let a consultant call me scuzzy cunt and I’d still nod and say thank you very much.

😂

Growlybear83 · 23/07/2025 20:34

Based on everything you’ve said in your posts, I would have found you very rude and abrasive, particularly the passive aggressive way you asked if you could speak now, and then calling the doctor rude.

Sunshineandrainbows23 · 23/07/2025 20:35

amilea · 23/07/2025 20:21

I think we both could of handled it better the issue I have is how all the blame fell on me because he had all the power

Yes, you hit the nail on the head re the power imbalance.

As patients we are often anxious and have a million and one questions,/things we want to say in our head. We know the Drs are short of time so it's easy to blurt out and I agree it's not always easy to know when someone has finished speaking the phone.

The Dr should just have said he'll answer any questions at the end. Medics often ask if you have any questions before they hang up.

I know you didn't do yourself any favours by pointing out his rudeness back but I uttered a silent "yessss" when I read that 😇 Most Drs are lovely but the rude ones make you feel small and unheard.

If the next appointment is face to face perhaps you could write any questions or concerns on a piece of paper so you won't forget them and he can answer when he's ready,?

Good luck for your recovery xx

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 23/07/2025 20:35

He sounds awful! Can’t believe some of the replies.

It’s horrible when someone won’t let you get a word in - especially as he criticised you for over talking, then when he finally finished and you could get a word in, did the same to you. Then to top it all he got angry. He really doesn’t sound professional at all.

Can you get transferred to someone else?

amilea · 23/07/2025 20:35

BatchCookBabe · 23/07/2025 20:34

Hmmm, well I have experienced rude doctors (though not often thankfully,) but I have just not said anything, and forgotten about it. I have never made an appointment with that doctor again though. Can you see/speak to another doctor in future?

He's referred me to someone else and he doesnt work at my local hospital so I doubt i will ever speak to him again

OP posts:
BatchCookBabe · 23/07/2025 20:35

Clarinet1 · 23/07/2025 20:31

Well you know the old joke -
Q - What’s the difference between a doctor and God?
A - God doesn’t think He’s a doctor!

I've not heard that before. 😆

In fairness I find 95% of doctors fine these days, but pre 21st century, some were obnoxious - with a God complex. Not all but more than I experience now. Maybe a fifth rather than 5%!

amilea · 23/07/2025 20:37

Sunshineandrainbows23 · 23/07/2025 20:35

Yes, you hit the nail on the head re the power imbalance.

As patients we are often anxious and have a million and one questions,/things we want to say in our head. We know the Drs are short of time so it's easy to blurt out and I agree it's not always easy to know when someone has finished speaking the phone.

The Dr should just have said he'll answer any questions at the end. Medics often ask if you have any questions before they hang up.

I know you didn't do yourself any favours by pointing out his rudeness back but I uttered a silent "yessss" when I read that 😇 Most Drs are lovely but the rude ones make you feel small and unheard.

If the next appointment is face to face perhaps you could write any questions or concerns on a piece of paper so you won't forget them and he can answer when he's ready,?

Good luck for your recovery xx

Thankyou I really appreciate some of the lovely replies im getting and great tips for the future. It really is appreciated

OP posts:
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