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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Dr called me rude then got offended when I called him rude back

159 replies

amilea · 23/07/2025 19:33

I had a telephone call with a consultant today and he said i interrupted and Overspoke him and he called me rude this is something I struggle with especially with phone conversations as how do you know when the person has finished talking but i accept this is rude so didnt argue it or say anything back. When he had definitely finished talking I said can I speak now please and then within my first sentence he interrupted me so I said you're being rude im talking and my god he went off like a bottle of pop and how insulting it is that I called him rude and how he cant continue being my dr if I think he's rude. At this point im crying and he said I dont want you to get upset but im not going to help you if you insult me. It ended with him referring me to someone else. But why does he think its ok to call me rude but its not ok for me to call him rude, I said the exact thing to him as what he said to me. But just because he's a dr its ok for him to say whatever he wants and not for me.
Aibu to think that where all human and just because he's a dr it doesnt make what I said worse.

OP posts:
BatchCookBabe · 23/07/2025 20:06

amilea · 23/07/2025 19:55

I wouldn't complain iv had drs do far worse then call me rude before I wasnt bothered it was him that was bothered and got offended

No offence and all, but what was the point of posting this thread then? 🤔

5128gap · 23/07/2025 20:07

He is in the wrong. He's a professional paid and trained to manage verbal consultations, and to establish enough of a relationship of trust with you that you are able to disclose your health details so he knows all he needs to.
He should understand that not all his patients will be confident and skilled communicators especially over the phone, and use his professional skills and training to manage that.
It was reasonable for him to ask you not to interrupt while he was explaining, but should not have called you rude. He should have allowed you to speak as you may have been disclosing something important, and if he needed to stop you should have politely said 'may I stop you there...?'
As it is the relationship has broken down due to his poor communication skills.
And it really doesn't matter how skilled a medical practitioner he is, if he can't manage a verbal consultation with a patient, he needs to improve. Let's hope the next one does better.

Mistyglade · 23/07/2025 20:08

Wearing a doctor’s uniform doesn’t qualify anyone to speak to anyone else rudely. They do a most honourable job however they are still human and it’s not inconceivable they’re capable of acting badly very occasionally.

amilea · 23/07/2025 20:08

LookingAtMyBhunas · 23/07/2025 20:06

Well, did you insult him? What did you say?

I said you're being rude I am talking

OP posts:
amilea · 23/07/2025 20:09

BatchCookBabe · 23/07/2025 20:06

No offence and all, but what was the point of posting this thread then? 🤔

To see if people think its ok for drs to say anything because their drs

OP posts:
HurrayDuvet · 23/07/2025 20:10

Wizardonabroom · 23/07/2025 19:54

I assume calls are recorded so if you do complain about him, they should be able to listen to the call and decide whether to follow up with the doctor.

Calls are not recorded. Not in the NHS anyway.

BCBird · 23/07/2025 20:11

I find talking on the phone challenging now. It used to be OK. I don't know if it's since I switched from landline to mobile? Now I feel.like I interrupt a lot more than I used to. Hope you get the care you need OP

amilea · 23/07/2025 20:11

5128gap · 23/07/2025 20:07

He is in the wrong. He's a professional paid and trained to manage verbal consultations, and to establish enough of a relationship of trust with you that you are able to disclose your health details so he knows all he needs to.
He should understand that not all his patients will be confident and skilled communicators especially over the phone, and use his professional skills and training to manage that.
It was reasonable for him to ask you not to interrupt while he was explaining, but should not have called you rude. He should have allowed you to speak as you may have been disclosing something important, and if he needed to stop you should have politely said 'may I stop you there...?'
As it is the relationship has broken down due to his poor communication skills.
And it really doesn't matter how skilled a medical practitioner he is, if he can't manage a verbal consultation with a patient, he needs to improve. Let's hope the next one does better.

Thankyou

OP posts:
Tulpenkavalier · 23/07/2025 20:12

Email the new doctor with the questions you have as a result of talking to the original doctor - so he/she will be aware of your concerns and prepare for a future call.

Personally I would usually wait for a doctor to ask if I had any questions rather than telling him "can I speak now please". Or at least say "excuse me please, could you clarify for me..."

Crinkleybottomburger · 23/07/2025 20:12

MyUmberSeal · 23/07/2025 19:47

The way the NHS is at the moment, I’d let a consultant call me scuzzy cunt and I’d still nod and say thank you very much.

This ❤️🤣

Redbushteaforme · 23/07/2025 20:12

chatgptsbestmate · 23/07/2025 19:54

Yes. I agree. However if I'd paid for the Consultants services I'd not be impressed

NHS services are paid for from taxes. They are free at the point of delivery but we are paying for them collectively.

amilea · 23/07/2025 20:12

BCBird · 23/07/2025 20:11

I find talking on the phone challenging now. It used to be OK. I don't know if it's since I switched from landline to mobile? Now I feel.like I interrupt a lot more than I used to. Hope you get the care you need OP

Thanks glad its not just me that struggles with this i dont purposely interrupt people it just seems to happen on the phone

OP posts:
SatsumaDog · 23/07/2025 20:14

Unfortunately Drs are used to people acting in deference towards them and not being challenged. It comes with the territory but can lead to them coming across as arrogant and unpleasant. I think this interaction was badly managed by your consultant, but also your reaction escalated the situation. Just put it down to a bad day.

MargaretThursday · 23/07/2025 20:14

If you speak the way you write, I'm surprised he got a word in edgeways.

amilea · 23/07/2025 20:15

Tulpenkavalier · 23/07/2025 20:12

Email the new doctor with the questions you have as a result of talking to the original doctor - so he/she will be aware of your concerns and prepare for a future call.

Personally I would usually wait for a doctor to ask if I had any questions rather than telling him "can I speak now please". Or at least say "excuse me please, could you clarify for me..."

I think the next appointment will be face to face this onw wasnt as the hospital he works in is nowhere near me and I only got the appointment yesterday but he's like the top top dr but im happy to see whoever aslong as their nice

OP posts:
Nursingadvice · 23/07/2025 20:16

To say “can I speak now” comes across as extremely rude. Are you usually quite blunt?
How are you with face to face social interactions?

amilea · 23/07/2025 20:16

MargaretThursday · 23/07/2025 20:14

If you speak the way you write, I'm surprised he got a word in edgeways.

I wasnt allowed to talk so I didn't get to say much

OP posts:
MoveOverToTheSea · 23/07/2025 20:17

MyUmberSeal · 23/07/2025 19:47

The way the NHS is at the moment, I’d let a consultant call me scuzzy cunt and I’d still nod and say thank you very much.

And that’s a huge issue in itself.
Because they’re even more comfortable being rude to people.

I mean how can you trust someone with your health and some times your life when you’re also swallowing bad behaviour fur fear of ‘not been seen’.

Crumpetdisappointment · 23/07/2025 20:17

i normally say,, Can i say something?
i dont think it is rude

the situation sounds odd, i hope you get anotehr doctor

amilea · 23/07/2025 20:18

Nursingadvice · 23/07/2025 20:16

To say “can I speak now” comes across as extremely rude. Are you usually quite blunt?
How are you with face to face social interactions?

Im better face to face where I can read people better and know when they've finished talking. I was blunt because he had shut me down from talking

OP posts:
SunnySideDeepDown · 23/07/2025 20:19

But GP consultations should predominantly be the GP talking. Of course you need time to describe what’s wrong but he’s the doctor, and he has 10 mins to find out what’s wrong and sort your treatment and referral.

Why were you talking over him?

You sound confrontational and abrasive. Doctors don’t deserve attitude. Just keep it professional and thank them for their advice. No need to start making it aggressive with counter accusations of rudeness, it’s totally unnecessary.

SunnySideDeepDown · 23/07/2025 20:21

“Can I speak now” is such a twattish way to talk to someone who’s there to help you. It comes across as egotistical and arrogant. You didn’t like that he stood up for himself and asked for time to talk uninterrupted so you threw your toys out of the pram and got catty.

He should absolutely swap you to another doctor (who will likely know why you were swapped and now be wary with you). Don’t bite the hand that feeds you comes to mind.

amilea · 23/07/2025 20:21

SatsumaDog · 23/07/2025 20:14

Unfortunately Drs are used to people acting in deference towards them and not being challenged. It comes with the territory but can lead to them coming across as arrogant and unpleasant. I think this interaction was badly managed by your consultant, but also your reaction escalated the situation. Just put it down to a bad day.

I think we both could of handled it better the issue I have is how all the blame fell on me because he had all the power

OP posts:
MoveOverToTheSea · 23/07/2025 20:21

I feel now it’s a good idea to record appointment

For one, it means you can go back to what the doctor/consultant said. It’s very easy to forget some stuff or misunderstand, esp when it’s a high stake consultation.
But also I found doctors are much more careful when they’re recorded (which shouldnt be the case btw!)

tripleginandtonic · 23/07/2025 20:22

He's the one with the knowledge though, so you did need to listen. As time is presumably tight on the call,he probably had to interrupt you in order to get the info he needed asap. Yabu.