Saying no to my children having experiences without us?

[MancLass76]

I have 2 children aged 11 and 7 and my sister in law keeps asking if they can do things with them. On one hand it’s great she wants to spend time with them (my brother will be involved as well, she’s just the organiser), they have a great relationship and I really want to encourage that but on the other hand, she puts me in a difficult position of sometimes wanting/deciding to say no and then getting grief if I do and being made to feel really selfish (which I get I am being to some degree).

They are childless through choice but also have higher incomes so often their suggestions are out of reach for us (or something we need to plan for) and they are suggesting experiences for my kids that I don’t want to not be there for. Top end think safari lodges in the UK at £1000 for one night, first trip to London and a show in the West End kind of things but then smaller trips such as first visit to a particular zoo (which has been a family fave through 2 generations of our family).

Am I being unreasonable though to deny my kids these experiences if it means it won’t ever happen.

I also get grief if I ask to be included/tag along on the cheaper things so I can see my kids enjoying the experience they have planned. They bought a virgin experience involving cars for my daughter at Christmas and I asked to go watch and they are now being awkward with the date to make it work.

ouee being very immature. You’re thinking about yourself. Let the kids have fun and do expensive memorable experiences with their relatives. You can do cheaper memorable experiences with the kids. I’m sure you can think of some if you give it some thought. Bonfires in the evenings, paddling in streams, camping, building dens, roller skating, beach days, wild swimming, extreme picnics, cooking wacky dishes together, what ever rocks the kids boat.

No, but maybe they are really struggling.

I doubt that If they struggled that much then they wouldn't have had another kid. And if they are then surely the fact the kids get nice experiences with the Aunt would be a good thing rather than them spending their whole life doing nothing

So because you can’t afford these extravagant experiences you’d honestly allow your children to miss out

that is just pure out of spite and jealousy, let the kids make memories with their family

I think you're really selfish. You want to deprive you'd DC of experiences just because you can't afford to be there? So do you never do things selflessly for your DC? It's just for the benefit you get from seeing them have fun? It also seems quite controlling. I had lots if days out and a couple of holidays with extended family without my parents as children and they were great experiences and deepened my bond with extended family who have been a great support throughout my life. Why don't you want that for you'd DC?