Invited to stay but have a bad feeling

[RueSaintHomme]

An old friend of 30 years invited me to stay with her some time ago and I booked the tickets last weekend. We haven’t spoken on the phone but the messages I’m receiving are short and abrupt. It’s a 12-hour journey each way (I don’t drive) and it’s like booking an AirBnB with a slightly frosty host.

I don’t feel as though I want to visit now, especially as I would be reliant on my friend for lifts from and to the station.

Should I make an excuse, explain that I feel uncomfortable or ghost?

YABU - go and risk feeling anxious
YANBU - cancel and say why/lie/ghost

Can you not just message and saying you're just checking in to see if everything is still OK for your stay? And no worries if not or plans have changed?

How long ago is "some time ago" and was it specifically for now, or one of those "You must come and visit sometime!" type invitations?

I would go but research local cab companies and things you can do on your own just incase.
Maybe she is super busy at work or just has little to talk about? Voice notes might get the chat flowing a bit better if you sound excited x

Call her. Have a chat about the upcoming weekend, that way you can get a feel for how she actually feels without misinterpreting written messages. You can always be straight and ask if it's still convenient to come or if she'd rather rearrange?

You want to cancel because of short, abrupt style texts ?? What is your friendship like, how often do you usually get together, what sort of things do you usually do ??

Phone her and speak to her. What are you messaging and what are you getting back?

We haven’t seen each other for ten years and live at opposite ends of the country.

Don’t go. If she’s already making you feel uncomfortable it will be so much worse if you are in her home.
Trust your instincts.

About six months ago and I said I wouldn’t be able to visit until the school summer holidays.

Did you confirm it was ok before booking? If the invitation was made a while ago, do you know it still stands? If a friend I invited last year popped up next week I’d be unimpressed.

That’s what I’m thinking. It’s a gut feeling, as though I’d be an inconvenience.

Yes - confirmed the dates a couple of months ago.

So did you say, ‘Will July 29th be ok?’.

As above, have a phone call with her to plan the trip and see how that goes

Cross posts, sorry.

I’m messaging that I’m looking forward to it and getting back “Can we go halves on shopping and cooking?”

Absolutely this, and got back, “July 31st is OK”

I find her a bit intimidating and if I’m anxious about phoning her in case she’s irritable, I think it’s best if I don’t go. She may not be aware of how she’s coming across.

If you don't like speaking to her on the phone, why would you arrange to go and visit her?

I think you'd be VU to ghost her.

At least have the decency to cancel!

It was an enthusiastic invitation and we were good friends years ago. What reason would I give for cancelling? The truth? That I don’t like the tone of the messages and if this was a job application I would withdraw because it doesn’t sound like a good place to work?

has the feeling intimidated just started? I'm guessing you won't have been intimidated all these years.

call her.

She was kinder when we had our children around, now adults. But yes, she was always somewhat intimidating and other people used to comment on it. I’m not an easily intimidated person usually.

I think I’ve answered my own question here. I want a break but I’m not looking forward to it and I regret booking the tickets. Breaks are supposed to be relaxing.

Listen to your gut. Don't go.
Stomach bug.

Thank you. Good idea.

Have her messages always been brief or is this a recent change? How do you feel about contributing to costs? I think I would send a message checking that it's still convenient, giving her space to cancel.