To take DD’s trust fund..

[BlueFlamingo55]

AIBU to take part of DD’s trust fund to pay for our new house?

DD has quite a modest trust fund (~£30k) that I had promised to give her this year since she is now 19. The money is my inheritance from DF but instead I decided to put it away for DD when she was younger to help with her university costs, first car, house deposit etc.

Life didn’t turn out quite how I had expected it to and I have just come away from a messy divorce and am now having to purchase a new house in my 50s.. I’ve found a home that both DD and I love but my deposit (my share of the equity money from the marital home) wouldn’t be enough. I therefore decided that I’d take half of DD’s trust money to top things up. I do not want to do this and it was never the plan but it’s the only way I’ll be able to afford this house. We’ve explored cheaper options further outside of town but DD refuses to live in any of them (and I quietly agree with her, I much prefer the area this house is in)

I made the mistake of telling DD my plans re: the trust fund and she has gone absolutely ballistic, for want of a better term. Saying that I’m stealing her money and how will she possibly be able to afford her travel plans etc etc. Apparently I’m trying to ruin her life. I’ve reminded her that I help her out financially 24/7 and she is not hard done by but there is absolutely no talking sense into her. She has refused to speak to me all week.

Am I really the worst mother in the world for taking £15k in order to pay for good, permanent accommodation for us both?

It isn’t though is it??

It's not your money anymore. You gave it to her. It's hers and she decides what happens to it. Are you going to put her on the deeds of the house?

Actually, that more I think about this the more I think it is reprehensible.

First, you should have discussed the possibility with your daughter and told her that if she agrees, she will become a stakeholder in your house, until you would pay her back. But if she doesn't agree, then you don't do it.

The way you've done it, will mean she will never trust you again.

Yeah, except my comment was based on the fact she said it was in a trust fund. It’s clear now that it’s not in a trust fund and she’s just put it in a savings account in her name. The advice from most would have been different if OP actually knew what a trust fund was.

She’s acting like a spoilt brat. The money isn’t hers until it’s in her account.

Tell her she’s not getting a penny and make sure she moves out after university.

No I see it's simply money the OP had possibly, mentally identified as her daughter's.

Give her the money you promised her and buy something smaller/cheaper.

She hasent given it to her daughter yet it's still.in a savings account in the Ops nsmr.

17 years and it's only worth £30k.

It's too late now, but you should have invested the money in a stocks and shares ISA. Given the stock market returns since 2008, you'd have probably had a 10x return on your investments.

She did more than wish, she told her DD the money was in trust for her repeatedly. She gifted it to her.

@BlueFlamingo55 did you put it in her name??? if you did, then you legally should not be taking it out of her trust account

You really shouldn’t touch the money.

I’ve got a similar issue. I’m a single parent in rented accommodation. I have few assets but am solvent and not in debt.

My pre-school DC has inherited a huge sum from my recently deceased DM. I received nothing.

It would make our life so much easier if I could use the money to buy a house outright but it is fraught with risks.

Money can only be used for benefit of my DC however minors cannot be property owners so I’m a bit stuck.

I was an older mother so am resigned to working until I drop while at the same time my DC is sitting on a colossal pile of cash that can’t be used. It’s weird to be a relatively skint parent of a wealthy toddler.

your issue is not similar, you have no choice.

Your daughter sounds unreasonable. She’s refusing to live in certain areas and going ballistic when you want to use the money. I cannot imagine 19 year old me refusing my mother this, especially if I was also to live there.

I disagree with this assessment. She has given it to her daughter as she obviously said grandad’s inheritance is yours hence the daughter being upset now. Otherwise she would be none the wiser. Whilst physically it hasn’t been moved to the daughter’s account it is still hers.

You cannot do this after promising her the money

But it isnt

It’s not that either, she put it in an account specifically to give to her daughter and has clearly told her daughter this money is hers for her whole life, and informed the DD that she will be getting this money soon. Not possibly mentally. Morally the money belongs to her DD

It’s your inheritance from your father and you need it for a house. I would use all of it to also get everything else you need or to build a savings buffer for the bills. It’s not your daughters, she can have it as inheritance in many years time.

Get some financial advice and invest the money rather than letting it stagnate in a cash savings account.

This surely would have been better in the form of a discussion with her explaining the predicament. She might have still.been unhappy but more likely to understand. I think.u are out of order presenting this to her in this way.

Yabu. Yes it was you inheritance from your Dad but you made your choice with that money when you place it in trust for your daughter. Shes also 19 shes not going to be living with you much longer so it isn't a permanent home for you both. It's permanent for you, temporary for her so I can see why shes not pleased. I'd not take the money without her permission, if she's not willing (I assume she's your only child as you have not mentioned other kids having trust funds) and you need to get a different house so be it, she either moves with you or she moves somewhere else on her own.

Have you had advice on this?
My friends children definitely own the house they live in. Their mum gets carers allowance and other benefits so their life would be very different if they didn't own the house

I think you give your daughter the choice- you can buy the house she wants but you'll only be able to give her £15k from your savings, or you'll buy an alternative and give her the £30k.

Less of a sticky wicket then. If you’re still
minded to give it all to her then consider ring-fencing what you need. I imagine that it will damage her trust in your relationship having been openly promised it, however, with the benefit of age (although I’d have understood back then) I would never want my Mum or Dad homeless or living unhappily in order to fulfil a promise. Ultimately your Dad left you that money for you - you very much hoped to give it to your daughter and now you need to be secure, which you can do by delaying giving her 50% of it. From her response, has she made any solid gap year plans and is she financially responsible?