To take DD’s trust fund..

[BlueFlamingo55]

AIBU to take part of DD’s trust fund to pay for our new house?

DD has quite a modest trust fund (~£30k) that I had promised to give her this year since she is now 19. The money is my inheritance from DF but instead I decided to put it away for DD when she was younger to help with her university costs, first car, house deposit etc.

Life didn’t turn out quite how I had expected it to and I have just come away from a messy divorce and am now having to purchase a new house in my 50s.. I’ve found a home that both DD and I love but my deposit (my share of the equity money from the marital home) wouldn’t be enough. I therefore decided that I’d take half of DD’s trust money to top things up. I do not want to do this and it was never the plan but it’s the only way I’ll be able to afford this house. We’ve explored cheaper options further outside of town but DD refuses to live in any of them (and I quietly agree with her, I much prefer the area this house is in)

I made the mistake of telling DD my plans re: the trust fund and she has gone absolutely ballistic, for want of a better term. Saying that I’m stealing her money and how will she possibly be able to afford her travel plans etc etc. Apparently I’m trying to ruin her life. I’ve reminded her that I help her out financially 24/7 and she is not hard done by but there is absolutely no talking sense into her. She has refused to speak to me all week.

Am I really the worst mother in the world for taking £15k in order to pay for good, permanent accommodation for us both?

If it is actually a trust fund with DD as the beneficiary then legally it isn’t. Taking the money for OP’s benefit could be a criminal offence. She needs legal advice.

Trust fund is a red herring. There is no trust fund. It’s money in OP’s account she planned to give to her daughter. Daughter has no claim on it.

If you read the update its in a savings account in the Ops name
So it's till her money.

@BlueFlamingo55 it would be really helpful if you clarified if this is legally yours or your daughters money. This thread is pointless without the facts about who’s money it is

Yabu, its her money and she knows its there for her use

She sounds spoilt rotten and if she planned to blow 30k on travel I wouldn't give her a penny until she'd grown up a bit. Tell her you're going to use the money to house you both now and that when it comes time for her to need a house deposit you'll try to remortgage to free her up some money to help.

If this is the case, it is no different to buying a house, leaving a will, surely all our assets at time of death are our children’s “fund”

your mistake has been inaccuracy with what it was and indeed promises that you could not, for whatever reason, keep.

whether it was a oh I will give you £50 cash when you turn 19 or it was I will give you £30k.

that said she does seem to be overeating to a perfectly sensible solution, for her benefit. Presumably she will one day inherit the house, plus the benefit you have described re location and choice.

I don’t think spending that amount on travelling would be reasonable even if it was a trust fund. Half sounds much more realistic

What a waste of potential growth. 17yrs in a savings account…it should have almost tripled in value. 😣 you’ve really mismanaged her money.

I think you are making a mess of the terminology

This doesn't sound like a trust fund, just a savings account you had nominally thought of as hers even though it was in your name?

Your mistake was telling her about it then changing your mind. That's pretty messed up. If you made it sound like it was her trust fund then I can see why she is so angry.

They matter only in terms of whether OP can legally do what she’s proposing.

But if she does this she will torpedo her relationship with her daughter, regardless of what kind of account the moneys in

Is it actually in a legally set up trust fund or not ?

If it is I am not sure you can take it out and use like that.

If it is just money that you ringfenced in an account in your name for your daughter then obviously you can change your mind - it's your money.

Probably the lesson to learn is not to do stuff like this. Put the money away and only give it away if you don't need it. I think your daughter has some justification in being a bit angry, but really she should appreciate more what you have done for her in bringing her up and the fact that she is still getting 15k that you set aside for her which is a hell of a lot more than a lot of people. At the end of the day you don't have any obligation to give her anything if it was money left to you in the first place.

Life has a way of throwing curved balls so it's best not to commit giving money away until the point you have to.

Buy yourself a nice one-bedroomed home and tell DD that her trust fund is hers to do as she wants with but that there will be no further money from you and she will not have a home with you. It's up to her how she spends the money. Where I live, £30K would be a deposit on a nice flat and it's more than many people her age get.

The moment she put it in her DDs name, it was no longer OPs money and it belonged to her DD. Legally, if she takes money that is in her DDs name without permission and spends it especially now DD is an adult, it's theft, pure and simple.

It’s not a trust fund is it? It’s your savings that you would like to have given her but life has thrown a curve ball and now you need it. It’s unfortunate if you have promised it to her, but not the same at all as trying to use money in her name or money explicitly left to her.

Really? Do people actually think/speak/type like this? The OP said it was money left to her and she chose to save it for her daughter. £15k would still be a nice gift, and it would mean long term security for the OP and a nicer home for her daughter in the short term. Surely that’s family life? Things change and evolve.

It’s in a savings account in my name. The money has always been ring fenced and openly promised to DD.

She hasn’t put it in her DDs name.

I don't think she has actually put it in her daughter's name though. She seems to be using trust fund incorrectly

not to derail but what would you suggest doing with this amount of money to make it triple in growth? @SummerFeverVenice im curious/clueless!

Why haven’t you ever bothered putting it into an actual trust fund for her to protect her and allow it to build proper interest? Have you always planned on stealing some when it suited you?

It’s your money, just because you mentally ring fenced it fit her doesn’t mean it is her money. And she doesn’t get to tell you where you can buy a house. Especially if she’s not paying anything towards it.

This was a promise you made to her.

It was something she was aware of, maybe something that made her feel more financially secure about her future.

You say you've just come away from a messy divorce which means she must have gone through some difficult times during this.

She's experienced that insecurity in her life and now you're taking away her financial security for her future.

Can you not see why that is so difficult for her to accept.

In terms of what house you choose to buy - that she does not get a say in. That is something you decide as you are paying for it.

If she decides that she would rather offer you some of this money to expand what you can afford for housing then this could be discussed - as would how this would be legally protected for her.

I can see why she is upset, but essentially it’s your inheritance than you planned to give her. I’m sorry but how can she refuse to move to certain locations? I wouldn’t let her dictate that to start with, but given she is, then she might want to re-think now she can’t go travelling around the world on a gap year. Sure it was great she was getting a trust fund, but life has changed, and basic requirements trump luxuries like holidays. She sounds quite entitled to be honest.

Why do people keep commenting without reading the OP’s update.
It’s not in a trust fund , it’s just in a savings account in the OP’s name but in her mind it was for her Dd. The trouble is she told her daughter and now wants it towards a house purchase.
OP - you should change your initial thread - it’s not a trust fund !!!

You can’t steal your own money. It’s OPs money that she was planning to give to her DD. After her strop if she was mine she wouldn’t be getting a penny.