To take DD’s trust fund..

[BlueFlamingo55]

AIBU to take part of DD’s trust fund to pay for our new house?

DD has quite a modest trust fund (~£30k) that I had promised to give her this year since she is now 19. The money is my inheritance from DF but instead I decided to put it away for DD when she was younger to help with her university costs, first car, house deposit etc.

Life didn’t turn out quite how I had expected it to and I have just come away from a messy divorce and am now having to purchase a new house in my 50s.. I’ve found a home that both DD and I love but my deposit (my share of the equity money from the marital home) wouldn’t be enough. I therefore decided that I’d take half of DD’s trust money to top things up. I do not want to do this and it was never the plan but it’s the only way I’ll be able to afford this house. We’ve explored cheaper options further outside of town but DD refuses to live in any of them (and I quietly agree with her, I much prefer the area this house is in)

I made the mistake of telling DD my plans re: the trust fund and she has gone absolutely ballistic, for want of a better term. Saying that I’m stealing her money and how will she possibly be able to afford her travel plans etc etc. Apparently I’m trying to ruin her life. I’ve reminded her that I help her out financially 24/7 and she is not hard done by but there is absolutely no talking sense into her. She has refused to speak to me all week.

Am I really the worst mother in the world for taking £15k in order to pay for good, permanent accommodation for us both?

I very much doubt that DD would become my carer (not the personality type!), nor would I want to burden her with that having seen what friends are currently going through with their own elderly parents.

I think it's less than that.

In that case op can agree to pay it back over time.

Wouldnt the gift only be subject to inheritance tax if she died within 7 years and was over the threshold, which she isn't.

On reflection…

it is just a shame that you told her about it, OP. A very tricky situation, and either way someone is going to be unhappy.

Maybe your daughter will calm down and realise the 15K is going into a very long term investment? Although, presumably DD will get the whole property anyway? If she sees the differences between the properties, she may start to understand? You can still do a lot of traveling on £15K!

What do you foresee the next 10 years to look like, OP, as in regards to your DD? It is harder than ever now for people to get on the property ladder, would she end up being with you anyway so save up? In which case a suitable home for you both would be more important, if she’s likely to be independent, just a home for you is more appropriate.

That's a good point. It may be in her interest to forfeit the £15k now and inherit a nicer house.

Care at home is funded if you don't have money. Care homes would need to be funded by selling your house anyway so what is the point of buying in your 50s?!

You can't afford to buy the place you want, you promised your dd the lump sum.

Interesting thread. So many people who would take 30k from their parent to go on holiday at the detriment to their parents housing situation. Crazy.

Hope your daughter comes to realise she’s very lucky to be gifted 15k no strings attached and have a nice house to keep coming back to. it may also give be a good learning experience which is that life happens and the importance of prioritising.

There's a lot of point in buying your own home at 50. It may not be the place the op originally wanted but it would still be her own and she could live there independently for 25 years or more. I'm 75 and wouldn't want to be in rented, I have choices at the moment - can move if I want. If in time I need care I can have people come to my home. Don't automatically assume people will end up in a care home, a lot don't. My mother and mother in law didn't. My cousin who died last year in her eighties didn't and I have another one in her eighties who is happy in her own home and goes away on cruises.

What a delightful post full of doom and gloom. How's your mum is she functioning well?

'There's a lot of point in buying your own home at 50.'

If you can afford it without taking money promised to a dc yes, otherwise a compromise is required.

What on earth is doom and gloom about it?!

It's not dd's money so no one is taking it from her.

I'm guessing you rent, since you love it so much?

You are advising the op to live in abject poverty. She needs future security in later life.

Dh and I have talked about passing money on to our dses (all adults), from future inheritances (via Deed of Variation), and they know about this. But if things were to change in the interim, I know they would not expect us to carry this through, if we couldn’t afford to do so. I am disabled (long covid and weight related issues), and Dh has MS - thankfully he has been symptom free since diagnosis, but there is no guarantee that this will carry on.

If either or both of us need more care in the future, we will need to fund that, and inheritances will be part of that. Hopefully everything will work out, and we will be able to pass over the sums we are planning, but if we can’t, I know they will understand.

It isn't her dds fault her dms relationship failed. The op should stick to the financial agreement and find a cheaper place or rent.

There is nothing 'doom or gloom' about pointing out she'll get care funded should she need it and doesn't have money, or will need to sell to pay for fees should that situation arise anyway. It is the reality.

Her dd has her whole life ahead. Of course she wouldn't blow 30k on travelling, but she'd have money for a car and a deposit too which was the whole idea.

No our mortgage is paid off as are most our age. If however we were to split I certainly wouldn't be scrabbling about trying to buy a house I couldn't afford if I'd promised a dc a wodge. In that situation I'd rent and give dc money.

It's a selfish attitude to walk with in life. She will inherit the house later. She is being stupid to think of herself.

You are coming from a judgemental point of view. Good for you. Op needs to plan her future as well that will benefit her daughter. I don't believe that you would leave yourself vulnerable for one minute.

She needs to stick to the agreement, give her dd the opportunities promised and sort out accommodation that she can afford.
I'm not judgemental but I am a parent and there is not a chance I'd ever penalise our kids because of my own circumstances.

She doesn’t ‘need’ to do anything you say, Ms ‘my mortgage is paid off’.

What you are suggesting does not give the op financial security in the future. The rental market is chaotic. I work in it as a surveyor land lords don't give a fuck. It's unstable I would not suggest the op rents. She has the money to buy she should buy. I know you're circumstances all comfy at home no mortgage trying to tell others what to do on the internet. Despicable

Easy to say when you're sitting there in your own house with no rent/mortgage to pay. You have a massive asset which you'd get a share of if you did divorce.

The complaints I've heard over the years about their landlord from he does the repairs himself to there is damp and mould everywhere. The landlord wants the money but they don't want to pay to fix the defects. It's pure luck that you don't get a lunatic as your landlord. Op buy your property don't listen to these cosy yummy mummies who have it all.

I'm not sure this is a trust fund in the usual meaning of the word. It seems you just put the money to one side in your account.

As people have noted, there will be tax implications if you hand it all over at once. Will she go to university once she has access to the money? If you do have to hand it over, albeit reluctantly, perhaps you should consider your financial responsibility to her to be over.