To take DD’s trust fund..

[BlueFlamingo55]

AIBU to take part of DD’s trust fund to pay for our new house?

DD has quite a modest trust fund (~£30k) that I had promised to give her this year since she is now 19. The money is my inheritance from DF but instead I decided to put it away for DD when she was younger to help with her university costs, first car, house deposit etc.

Life didn’t turn out quite how I had expected it to and I have just come away from a messy divorce and am now having to purchase a new house in my 50s.. I’ve found a home that both DD and I love but my deposit (my share of the equity money from the marital home) wouldn’t be enough. I therefore decided that I’d take half of DD’s trust money to top things up. I do not want to do this and it was never the plan but it’s the only way I’ll be able to afford this house. We’ve explored cheaper options further outside of town but DD refuses to live in any of them (and I quietly agree with her, I much prefer the area this house is in)

I made the mistake of telling DD my plans re: the trust fund and she has gone absolutely ballistic, for want of a better term. Saying that I’m stealing her money and how will she possibly be able to afford her travel plans etc etc. Apparently I’m trying to ruin her life. I’ve reminded her that I help her out financially 24/7 and she is not hard done by but there is absolutely no talking sense into her. She has refused to speak to me all week.

Am I really the worst mother in the world for taking £15k in order to pay for good, permanent accommodation for us both?

She said it's a savings account she was correcting you or her mistake. She said it was a promise. Why can't you take her word for it?

The op was correcting you. The op said it was a savings account in her own name and it was promised to her daughter. Was the op lying. Was she trying to manipulate the thread to suit herself?

Please drop the savings account point and the fact OP’s name is on it. That is totally irrelevant.

The is a difference between: “It’s my money and I promise to give it to you when you are older” and “It’s your money and I promise to give it to you when you are older”.

The former precludes a trust arrangement. The latter may be a trust. The sort of thing that might indicate that it’s a trust is the OP calling it a trust, or referring to the funds as her daughter’s funds (or even more so, her daughter’s trust fund), or keeping them ringfenced and separated from the money OP treats as her own, or the daughter believing they are her funds.

Did anything you read from the OP suggest that any of those factors may be present?

Well @BlueFlamingo55 id tell her she can have the £30k but you’ll be buying a 1 bed place in a less desirable area and she needs to get her own place.
Or she can have £15k and you buy the house you both like and she has a home for as long as she needs it plus one day will inherit !

OP has inherited 30K from her father.
90K from her divorce.
Needs to house them both.

She can no longer give her DD 30K for a gap year, it is utterly ridiculous and her father would be turning in his grave.
She should not have promised it, but she is not totally withdrawing it.
Situations change.

It's not the dd's fault the op's relationship failed. The op has to cut her cloth as they say. She has a nice 90k wodge she needs to honour the 30k she has promised her dd.
She does not need to buy. A rental is fine!

The op is the owner of the account she can take it to house herself and her daughter if she wants to. She's not being unreasonable.

She can get a mortgage until she's 80 age is no barrier. Op is not being unreasonable her daughter will inherit a lot more.

Well tell her while you originally intended to give her £30k of YOUR money… shit happens and she should consider herself lucky to be getting £15k….
if she strips and refuses to talk to you then you have an extra £30k deposit and better lifestyle!!

When she is too old to work and pay the rent her DD can look after her. She won't have assets to use for a care home if she needs to be rehomed. Her DD can be her carer. I agree give her the money.

@BlueFlamingo55 you can’t legally just give your daughter £30k tax free anyway! I believe the maximin is £10k a year!

I think you’ve already decided to use the money. I think it’s really horrible to promise someone something and not give it to them, but why on earth would you give a teenager £30K anyway? It would have been more sensible to give her money when she was actually buying a house.

I’ve read threads on here where posters have asked about using money from their children’s saving to buy them food, until they get paid next week and then paying it back without the child knowing. Personally I think that’s fine, as children need to eat, but most on MN disagree. Based on that you’re not gong to get many telling you this is OK.

You'll buy the house and your DD will be very disappointed angry with you. You’ll have to save up to eventually give her what you promised.

Ugh no. The OP initially states it was a trust, then rowed back and said that it is actually an account in her name that is earmarked for her daughter. I have made the point throughout the thread that OPs past statements of intentions and actions may mean that a trust has been created, even if not expressively documented by deed. Emphasis on MAY as it is a complex issue and subject to legal argument.

I have returned to the thread to congratulate @evelynevelyn for making the same point in a clearer way.

If they are her funds, sure, legally she can. If they are her daughter’s funds it’s theft. If she’s a trustee it’s enrichment by abuse of position. The latter both jailable offences. It’s rare for parents to be jailed for using funds they hold in their name for their children but it has happened.

Again, I’m not saying she is a trustee. I am saying that there are several indicators she might be, and the one thing so many posters have seized upon to conclude she isn’t one in fact betrays a misunderstanding of what a trust relationship is.

Anyway, it’s late where I am, and I’m not sure either of us is learning from this exchange, so will call it a night.

What do you suggest I retire on and use for potential care costs if a (££££ nowadays!) rental is fine? Renting is practically throwing money away. I’d be spending as much on rent as I do on my mortgage - our current rental is about to go up to £1300 p/m, my mortgage will be £1200.

You can safely file her advice under ‘Do as I say, not as I do’.

You are absolutely right to prioritise a house, OP. Keep the full £30k, or £25, and lower your mortgage payments.

Op please clear this up is it in a savings trust and you are the owner and your DD is the beneficiary or is it a normal savings account?

Kindly, OP, this.

Her DD will have to care for her later.

@Falseknock sorry, I’m not sure i get your point?

You can’t force people to be carers.

If it is a savings trust my opinion does not change you are not unreasonable for taking half the money to house you and your daughter.

You're right being a renter for life is not a good idea if you can avoid it. My mum is a similar age to you. Still renting. It is a huge stress point, mostly for me!! You need the house. She wants the gap year. Needs always come before wants. I think she will be pissed off but will understand later on

Those saying DD won't be living with her much longer, she could potentially be there another 10 years! Who knows. It's not that unusual for adult children to live with their parents if it makes sense.

Catch 22 op has to do the right thing and invest in her own future.

On that I agree.