To take DD’s trust fund..

[BlueFlamingo55]

AIBU to take part of DD’s trust fund to pay for our new house?

DD has quite a modest trust fund (~£30k) that I had promised to give her this year since she is now 19. The money is my inheritance from DF but instead I decided to put it away for DD when she was younger to help with her university costs, first car, house deposit etc.

Life didn’t turn out quite how I had expected it to and I have just come away from a messy divorce and am now having to purchase a new house in my 50s.. I’ve found a home that both DD and I love but my deposit (my share of the equity money from the marital home) wouldn’t be enough. I therefore decided that I’d take half of DD’s trust money to top things up. I do not want to do this and it was never the plan but it’s the only way I’ll be able to afford this house. We’ve explored cheaper options further outside of town but DD refuses to live in any of them (and I quietly agree with her, I much prefer the area this house is in)

I made the mistake of telling DD my plans re: the trust fund and she has gone absolutely ballistic, for want of a better term. Saying that I’m stealing her money and how will she possibly be able to afford her travel plans etc etc. Apparently I’m trying to ruin her life. I’ve reminded her that I help her out financially 24/7 and she is not hard done by but there is absolutely no talking sense into her. She has refused to speak to me all week.

Am I really the worst mother in the world for taking £15k in order to pay for good, permanent accommodation for us both?

The money was left to me - DF’s wishes were that any inheritance money would be split equally amongst my siblings and I. I just decided to put it away in trust for DD. Not for tax reasons as the above poster suggests (wish I was rich enough to need to do that!!)

Is it in your name or your daughters ?

She is absolutely right. She is an adult and it is her money, you are one serious CF. If you’d explained things to to her and asked her to invest that money for a share in the house then she may have said yes anyway. Hopefully she can report you for theft if you do this.

Legally, you can't.

A) its not yours
B) its not yours
C) if you were going to have an extra £15k it should have been taken into account in the divorce settlement
D) Tax evasion yada yada

Not if she has put it in a trust fund for her daughter as she states.

Have you actually put it in trust for her?

DD "refused" to live in a house further away from town. Well, Tell her that is what's going to happen because you don't have enough money. I think she's being very selfish. At 19 you would expect more maturity than that. I would feel very disappointed with her.

At the point where you put it in trust for her you gave up being able to do this

So DD is19yrs and you now want to buy the perfect house for you both? Is this not a bit short sighted?
I f you are going donw this route then I think it's fair to offer her some equity in the house as a joint owner so she knows it there for her a later date.

Well I think it depends on how it’s placed. Is it in your name or hers?

She seems quite bratty too, my kids would want to help me, particularly if they got to benefit from it.

She’ll have to accept the less desirable area if she doesn’t want to help.

It’s in a savings account under my name - it has been ring fenced for DD and untouched since DF died (she would’ve been aged 2)

Trust funds are no longer your property even if it’s legally in your name. It is the property of your daughter.

If it’s not in a trust fund, have you paid tax on it? Was it taken into account in your divorce?

It was her (Op's) money. She didn't have to save it for her daughter.

@BlueFlamingo55 Tell your daughter there are 2 choices, moving to an area she doesn't want and she keeps the money. Or moving to the house you like and she looses half of your/her money. People change their minds all the time. Inheritance is not a right. Don't just roll over. She is 19. She must understand there is need for compromise.

So as I understand this you want to take 1/2 of the monetary gift back?
Could you ask to borrow it for the deposit but absolutely repay it at a reasonable rate - say £200pm?

I don’t know the legality of this but I wouldn’t do it anyway as I think there is a risk it could ruin your relationship. However I wouldn’t lot be buying a house for you and your daughter. She is 19 it doesn’t matter of
she doesn’t like the cheaper area if it suits you. It’s probably time for her to
move out

All of this. She is being bratty

So.it's not actually a trust fund ?
If it's still.your money than you can do what you want with it.

This isn't a trust fund and calling it that is changing the advice you're receiving

She'll calm down.
Sometimes providing DC with everything creates selfishness.
If she doesn't calm down, move somewhere cheaper, let her have her money.
I'd be very disappointed, she wouldn't get another penny at 19.
I'd buy a one bedroom, she csn use the leftovers from her travel for rent.
It was your inheritance. It is a pity you told her about it.

But OP gave the money awY to her DD. Now it belongs to the DD. If it had been in OP's name she'd have probably had to give half to her exh. It was in DD name hence belongs to her. You shouldn't give away what you can't afford.

So it’s not a trust fund, it’s just your own savings that you had planned to keep for DD when you originally got the money, but your circumstances have since changed and you need to use some of it?

I don’t think YABU honestly. Life happens, and she’ll still have a good chunk of money, more than many kids. It’s not her money until you give it to her, it’s your money that you had earmarked for something but circumstances mean you have to change it.

I think the mistake you made was keeping her excluded from these plans you were making for money you told her was hers. What a thing to blindside your own child with.

Maybe if you'd sat down and had an adult discussion with her before making this decision, explained to her the reality of your current financial situation, explained that you'll have to buy one of the cheaper less nice houses without her help, and then asked her how she'd feel about you using the money to buy the nicer house, her response would've been less explosive because she'd have felt involved in the decision making process. As it is you've essentially just said "oh by the way that £15k I promised you? Yeah I'm going to spend that now."

Any wonder she's hit the roof, anyone would. People saying she's being immature, I don't think she is, I think she's just rightfully angry! If you want someone to act like a mature adult a good place to start is treating them like one, and this is not that.

Is it in a trust or a savings account in your name? Or is it a bare trust?

The details actually really matter here.

Until she legally and irrevocably gifted it to her DD via a trust.
It’s not OP’s money.

Sounds like it’s money in your bank account that you wanted to give her upon adulthood. It’s not in her name or legally hers, it’s your money. It would have been best to not have mentioned it at all tbh