My Mum doesn't want to help with childcare but makes me feel guilty that she doesn't see her grandson regularly

[BigSister1991]

When I was pregnant with my first child my Mum made it very clear she wouldn't be willing to help us with childcare one day a week. My Mum is single and lives alone, has been retired for 5 years and is in her early 60s. We both work full time and long hours and so our son attends nursery 5 full days a week. Recently my Mum has been complaining that she doesn't get to see her grandson often enough and so we feel pressured to use our limited free time at weekends as a family to visit her or for her to visit us (it's about a 40-60 min drive / 90 min public transport each way). When we do spend time all together my Mum shows little interest in looking after her grandson - whether it be nappy changes, meal times or bath times and just wants to enjoy adult social time. My view is that if she wants to see her grandson regularly, an easy way to do that would be to look after him in the week - it would relieve our work/parenting juggle and give us back more weekend time, whilst also giving her the regular relationship she wants (and I want her to have). Any advice welcome.

I’m referencing one posters pp not the whole thread tbh

Well you did mention the OP - so I thought you were specifically referencing the OP’s situation.

Sounds as if she resents the attention that you give to your child OP.

It sounds like you resent her for not providing one day a week of childcare. If so, then I think that is a bit unreasonable of you. Fair enough if she doesn't want to provide a full day's childcare for a nursery-age child - it's knackering.

But it's also fair enough that you don't want to spend as much of your weekend time going over to see her as perhaps you have been.

If (for example) one weekend-day a month with your family isn't enough for your mum, why not suggest she looks after her grandson one afternoon a week or even fortnight - i.e. picks him up from nursery.

I’d hate to do that.

I think that would be an awkward arrangement for all parties. I can’t imagine your mum would want to spend 1 or 2 nights away from home each week (and does she have pets?) and would you and your DH really want overnight guests that often?

Are you taking the piss? Why on earth would she want to do that

This isn’t just to see her DGC though, is it? This is what the OP wants her to do to provide free childcare. Not childcare at her mum’s convenience, oh no.

When my mum looked after my niece one day a week, my sister had to take her DD to our mum’s, via 2 trains.

I don’t even think you understand what point you’re making anymore other than repeating or attempting to construe what I’m saying. Relationships work both ways, grandparents have no special exemption. Yours were clearly too unwell to do so but that isn’t in the case in OPs and countless others.

Don’t worry OP mums net is full of older women who are probably less than amazing grandparents. Don’t become a parent if you don’t want to be a parent for life and help your children.