Leaving DH behind and going on a 8 week holiday

[tarryawhile2025]

We have visited family overseas for summer for the past 15 years, for 2-4 weeks. This time DH can't come as he has just found job after many months of unemployment. I left buying tickets due to this and now the most affordable tickets are those that will see us overseas for 8 weeks. DH kicking up a big fuss saying let's all go for local weekend breaks instead of the children and me going overseas. The twins are just after ALs after working really hard and would love to have time with extended family spoiling them. So would I. AIBU if I just take off with the children?

The twins off to distant universities in October, for courses that are 6 years long.

So DH is not going to be able to spend hardly any time with them before they go?

If they weren’t off to uni in October then I’d say jump at it but 8 weeks seems way too long in this scenario.

Why does it have to be 8 weeks and not 4?

Each to their own but I couldn't imagine enjoying 8 weeks without my DH.

But if the husband thought it would be bliss he'd be waving them off, but he's not is he, he wants to spend the last summer holidays with his kids before they fly the nest to uni. His feelings have to be considered, if he's upset (as many parents would on missing out on family time) it should be taken into account surely?

What sort of support would be needed? A grown adult in a new job I’m absolutely baffled at this.

Absolute bliss!

Yes that’s true @Renoonabudget and I wasn’t saying anything to the country at all - only commenting how fascinating this thread is that we all have such very different opinions.

Maybe I’m just so desperate for the house to myself, but the idea of someone saying no to 8 weeks of peace is quite odd to me!

However, I do appreciate that that’s not what OP‘s husband has said, so yes of course that’s different. I’m not sure what I wrote that made you think I was saying something other than that.

Really, you're really baffled?

You don't understand how someone in a new role might want his loved ones around in an evening? Going home to an empty house might be relaxing on occasion, but for 8 weeks?

You appear to have no empathy

My DIL is doing exactly this and visiting her elderly parents and a few old friends for 6 weeks and taking her DC whilst her DH (our son) stays at home and works.

However, her DH fully supports her and will organise to meet up with his own friends at the weekends, whilst she’s away.

…Because he’s not a pathetic prick!

Just looked at the poll as this thread is quite divided and it's the Brexit result at the moment ha ha!

I would 100% go and he should be encouraging you all to go. He shouldn't begrudge them their last summer before uni, especially after working so hard to get there, and stop them from seeing their extended family on their annual holiday.

A new job, after months of unemployment, means he should be putting his head down and getting his head around his new role and getting through the probation period while you're gone.

I'm currently job hunting and when I finally get something I know I'm going to be nervous about a new start so I'll want my husband's support and probably a morale boost. I'll want to talk to him about how it's going, especially if I'm not happy.

do it op. You’ll never get the time back with extended family and your kids before uni.

your DH is being selfish.

This.

Pay more and go for a month.

I'm amazed your twins would want to go to 2 months.

Or looking at it the other way, her DH won't get the time back with his kids either so OP is being selfish.

It's really unfair to call someone a pathetic prick for not wanting to be away from their kids for 8 weeks. That's a long time! I couldn't do it and I wouldn't do it to my dh.

Go for a month. I absolutely refuse to believe that it will cost that much less to go for 8 weeks.

Empathy? It’s a new job not a bereavement!

guess what? Some people who live alone have new jobs. Imagine that!

No. Op is being selfish. Why should her DH miss out on family time for 8 weeks?

Some people might just want some moral support and a stressful time 🙄

I think 8 weeks is far too long! My husband drive me mad sometimes but 8 weeks apart is a long time!! And he may want moral support for the new job. Could you compromise and do 3 weeks away - then some family time. If your kids are off to uni then surely he’d want to spend some time with them?

i know that some day - he’ll survive. Yes he hopefully will!! But that’s not the point. I’d be devastated if my DH went away with the kids for 8 weeks!!! I don’t think his work trips count either….are they for 8 weeks?

8 weeks is a long time. I can't imagine my DH would be thrilled. But I don't think he'd tell us not to go.

The alternative to going is not seeing family and sitting about waiting for him to be available for the odd weekend?

Will he genuinely miss you? Is he worried about missing the time with the kids? Or is he annoyed he'll have to fend for himself for an extended period?
What's his actual objection to you going?

He's allowed to not be happy about it, not much you can do about that. He doesn't get to make the rest of you miss this opportunity just because he can't do it.

Of course you should go and he should be supporting you to go. Your kids won’t get this chance again. How does you all giving up thIs opportunity really help him? He’ll still be at work all day. Your kids will be off at uni soon and you will gave plenty of quality time together then. But that’s not really what this is about it’s just FOMO.

Sounds to me you need to sit down and balance cost benefits.

Right. I wonder how they cope.

Surely you'll spend more money staying for 8 weeks rather than 4 weeks.

Even when staying with family, it is expensive.