Leaving DH behind and going on a 8 week holiday

[tarryawhile2025]

We have visited family overseas for summer for the past 15 years, for 2-4 weeks. This time DH can't come as he has just found job after many months of unemployment. I left buying tickets due to this and now the most affordable tickets are those that will see us overseas for 8 weeks. DH kicking up a big fuss saying let's all go for local weekend breaks instead of the children and me going overseas. The twins are just after ALs after working really hard and would love to have time with extended family spoiling them. So would I. AIBU if I just take off with the children?

It would be extremely selfish to go, but I think OP knows that and doesn't care. I don't understand the argument that it could be the last chance for a family holiday together though since the kids will get holidays from uni and you can all presumably use some of that time to go and visit family?

Nothing better than going abroad for long but even better having the kids and hubby with me all the time ....you are spoiled for choice, so lucky

If you have gone for 4 weeks before you can go for 4 weeks this time.

Do you know OP 's family and where they are?

My in law extended family are split between the other side of the world, and a lovely part of Europe. And my kids have loved visiting both sets and exploring the areas, from age 5 to 35. We don't go every year but they choose to go, even now.

And shockingly, many of the relatives are as old, if not older than me.

@maybelou I can only speak from my own experience but we’ve found that once DD went to uni, she very much did her own thing! We did meet up as a family abroad last year while she was on holiday with a friend-but we haven’t had a long.holiday together since she’s gone as she had too much on- taking summer classes, working, her friends. It’s already looking that way with DS (16), he’s been really busy this summer.

We tried to find a good time for the whole family to visit my elderly Dad in the UK and Christmas is the only option!

He’s just starting a new job and you want to leave him alone for eight weeks. And you don’t think this is unreasonable ? OK then. Why have you posted op ? Because it seems to be you’ve already made up your mind, and your last concern seems to be him, so it’s a bit pointless to ask for opinions isn’t it ?

You've made your mind up. Why are you posting?

So it's cheaper to go for 8 weeks but that doesn't work, so you pay a bit more and go for 3 weeks.

Simple really.

Just go.
It's 8 weeks not 8 months!!
Your DH is a grown adult so surely he can cope at home. In fact he can get really stuck in his new job. I'm not sure why he's trying to stop you tbh. You can phone/message/face time etc
If your 18 year olds want to go then GO!!
Enjoy!

I would splash out the money for the shorter trip, or for your kids to do a shorter trip, as it's likely to be the last for a while and you might only be paying for you and maybe your dh next year.

I have to say mine did a lot with friends the summer after A levels, and I wouldn't want to have taken them away for the whole summer, only them to go off to uni at the end and miss last chances to do things with local friends.

If that’s the case, surely it’s even shittier to take them away from their Dad for 8 weeks of what will be his “last summer” with them?

OP you very obviously don’t need to be there for 8 weeks just because that’s how the cheapest flights work out. YABU not to compromise and just go for 3-4 weeks.

I think 8 weeks is far too long. Don't you have a job? It would be pretty miserable for him to have no summer with his kids. He's finally found a job and can be more positive and enjoy the weekends. I would be very unhappy if my partner did this to me. Either pay more to go for less time or wait till you can all go.

Don’t you work, OP?

Anyway, YABU.

I agree, @LucyMonth, I suggested upthread that they go for 4-6 weeks so that he can also spend quality time with his children before they leave for uni.

But I wouldn’t skip the trip completely.

I can see both sides tbh. Would a compromise be that the kids go for 8 weeks and you go for a shorter time? That way you mostly get the benefit of the cheaper flights, you get some couple time, and the kids get a sense of independence.

I think it's really selfish tbh. 8 weeks is a long time. Is there not a compromise?

Eight weeks is too long. Could you go for a shorter time and the children stay longer?

last summer before both going separate ways to university, you are definitely being unreasonable to CHOOSE to go for 8 weeks.

What is the difference in cost seeing as you said 'the most affordable option' not 'the only option' .. surely you are saving DH's fare so how much difference is it actually making?

How much cheaper? Would you getting a job mean that you could have 4 weeks this year and 3/4 next? University holidays are long

Oh, do get over yourself……….

Yes I’d go. I’m able to be without my husband for long periods of time though, but appreciate everyone is different.

That said, compromise is the root of all happiness I’m told, so in this instance I’m going with YABU because presumably he’s OK to accept the higher ticket costs so you can all spend some family time together too.

How much money are you saving?
I think it’s a bit long, have you discussed what the DC would prefer?

Yabvvu

me too

I’d go. But I’d be damned if DH thought it would be OK for him to if the roles were reversed 😂